[Sookie]

I woke up Saturday morning feeling as if a mangy old opossum had crawled inside my belly and died.

For the next two days my body tried desperately to expel the remains of that badger from any available orifice, which at times required both toilet and bucket. The warning that signaled me to sprint to the bathroom with the agility of Flo-Jo was a rotgut pain that can only be described as major abdominal surgery minus the anesthesia. Since there was a small window of opportunity to get from my bed to the smallest room in the house, I had to holler an additional warning to anyone who might have to vacate that room. It sounded something like "aaacccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk".

These episodes would last for approximately 5 minutes, but it felt much longer. Afterward I would be left panting with my teeth chattering and my bones aching. The only cure for this latest phenomenon was to submerge myself into a bath so hot it might have been used as one of Henry VIII's torture techniques. Needless to say I took a lot of hot baths.

Today I'm feeling almost normal. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy! Thanks for listening.