I am SO grateful to all you lovely people who have sent me your good wishes and prayers. I am so lucky to have come across a site with such wonderful people.
Well, it's a week today since my baby died and it still hurts so badly but my tears have dried a little. At times now I think of little things she used to do and I smile. But then I think of the fact that she won't do them again, and I cry. My emotions are all over the place. Today (friday) I've been counting down to the one week anniversary of her death and I just know I'll be crying again when that time comes (2.45am). I took a little video of her just three hours before she died and she was walking around in her little hoodie, which I had bought to keep her warm, and I can't stop looking at it. I just can't believe she was dead just three hours later.
And the last few nights I've been dreaming about her. One night I jumped out of bed because I thought I heard her get sick, and I rushed to her aid. But then I woke up and realised it was a dream. The next night I woke up in a panic because I couldn't hear her breathing - again a dream. I don't know what's happening to me.
But as you all say, time will hopefully make it easier. She will always be in my heart as the most devoted friend I've ever had. She never ceased to be happy to see me, even in her last days. I'm not ashamed to say I loved her more than almost everything else in my life. She was a special girl and I thank her for making my life so happy.
Thank you all so much again. I will post again soon and let you all know how I'm coping. Love to you all xxxxxx |