Oohhhh girl....my heart is just breaking....everytime I read this thread, I shed even more tears for you! It will be hard and it will take time...just know, you have a great group of friends and support here!
PLEASE know that you are in my thoughts and prayers! And if you ever need anything, please let me know!
It is NOT your fault that this happened! We all have struggled w/ getting this done...and why it happens to some...I just don't know. It shouldn't and it is horrible that it does happen and even worse to have it happen to you, a fellow YT member!
Please, find peace for yourself! You need to be strong and know that it is not your fault!