i just really need to vent. i had a doc. appt yesterday where i found out i have a lump in my breast. i have had 2 lumps previously removed that were benign, but i worry as my mom and aunt both died of breast cancer. i don't have anyone to talk to tonight (friends/family busy/out of town) and i am not able to relax to sleep. I didn't want to go to this appt anyway as it was a yearly physical, and women we all know what that means.
yes, the dreaded pap smear!
so i was all worried about that, and then i get the result of my breast exam with the darn lump!
i hate this waiting until i get the mammogram and ultrasound done. i am always a wreck until i get the lump removed, no matter what it is. i just fear that even if it is benign, it could turn into cancer if not removed. i hate freaking out and being even more depressed than i already am, i live in northern Michigan, and it has been one helluva winter!
my tests are on thursday, so if you are the type to pray or send good vibes my way, it would be greatly appreciated. now if i can just turn off my thoughts i will be ok...i just feel so tired and sick of it all. i also have diabetes and a couple other health issues that i have to deal with every day, and right now it all feels so HUGE!
i have good freinds and family, but my parents are deceased and my brother MIA somewhere probably drinking himself to death. my family (close cousins) live 500 miles away, i don't know what i'll do if it is cancer. whether to go 'home' or not. this feels like home to me now, but if i am seriously ill i don't know what i will do. i live alone, just me and my boy William (Yorkie who is cuddling on my chest right now, he is so sweet!) and my 2 cats. where would i recuperate and who would help me??? so many questions in my head and everything going round and round.
and to top it all off, my doc also wants me to have another stress test too.
i need to get away!!!
no more worries...wouldn't that be lovely? i hope i get some sleep between now and thursday.
well, i guess i will try again to fall asleep.......
Melody