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Originally Posted by LuvnmyYorkie  I went through a lot of stuff a few years ago, and know exactly how you feel. Like nothing matters. What helped me, was when I got off the meds! I told myself that I wasn't going to continue living miserable. I had my ups and downs throughout the way, but I was determined. What really helped me get out of it was when I started seeing a difference in myself. I was proud of myself. And that fueled the fire to help me get even better. The more I accomplished, the better I felt and then the more I accomplished! It was the opposite of a "vicious" cycle!
The meds seemed to either make me sick, or make me a zombie. Prozac made me break out in horendous hives. Once all the meds were gone, I was able to think clearly and figure out what I wanted.
And what I wanted was to control my own life. Just like you, someone else stole a lot of MY life away from me, and I wasn't going to let them take any more!! You can do it, you are so much stronger than you realize!!  |
yeah i dont think im "proud of myself" I think Im a failure because I cant get prego... and I think that makes me think Im less of a woman... (my hubby and I have been trying since may last year... ) but now... Im not so sure thats what I really want... I havent had a period either since may either... but Im going to an obgyn in a couple of weeks to see what thats all about... I dont feel like a zombie I just feel down... I usually dont open up like this to anyone... but I feel like I need to and get it out! but at the same time Im willing to talk about it with my family and close friends so its not like its not talked about and Im not holding it in... but I felt like I needed to go into detail about my life here so people can understand my background??? dose that make any sense"? I know Im a STRONG woman because Im still here and I kind of shove that into everyone that has hurt me in their face... but Im sick of my Dad acting like it never happened and that he didnt do anything wrong... and that I was the one that did everything wrong... I dont really have anything to do with him and his wife... but they still will show up without any phone call or anything... I miss my mom... I want her to be here... I wanted it to be her that helped me get into my wedding dress... I want it to be her that I talk to about not being able to get prego... I want it to be her that is in the delivery room with me... I know shes there in spirit but its just not the same....
and I hate that I dont have the "daddy daughter" relationship...but I am soooooooooooo thankful for my inlaws! I am soooooooooooooo blessed to have them in my life! my mil reminds me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much of my mom and right now they are in Africa for the next year and a half... so its hard... Im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo thankful for my hubby... he is the reason Im here and for once in my life I feel SAFE!!! hes not going to hurt me... and he loves me just as much as I love him... he is my rock!
thank you all of you that are reading this and letting me vent.... and for all of your prayers and kind words!