I am just feeling really CRAPPY!!! I dont want to go do anything... I feel empty... I have been taking meds but sometimes I feel like they arent doing anything for me... let me just vent and tell you a little bit about me... I come from a family that was pretty hard to live.. my mother died when I was 7 years old... then we moved from EVERYONE we knew and EVERYTHING we knew and 11 months after my mother died my father got married to not the best person in the world... (and Im saying that really as nice as I can...)
really shes the wicked step mother... my father and mother had 7 children (I was the youngest girl and 2nd youngest...) and she (my Dads wife) had 10 children... yeah! you read it right 10 so it was a total of 17 children... well... my dads kids all got pawned off to relatives and states custody while her "angels" all stayed until they where sick of her... one of her sons molested me and who knows what else he did to me... (I cant remember) and my cousin also did this to me too... well I was physically, emotionally, and mentally abused by my father and his wife I would run away and then he would call the police on me then he would kick me out and call the police on me and tell them that I ran away...
so after about 6 months of spending over a 100 hours a week the last time I "ran away" I was trying to leave to kill myself... my Dad caught me and was pulling me and dragging me back home... people would stop and ask my dad if we needed any help... I would be screaming YES while he would say no... his wife got home and joined in she would get on top of my back with your knees in my back and jump on them while my dad was on my legs and holding my wrist... he ended up fracturing my wrist and they put strains in my back (to this day I still have bad back problems..) and was taken to youth services (a place where they would take all the other "bad" kids) I knew all the workers there by name... and the last time I was there one of the workers there was asking my what I did that time and I told him about my dad beating me that I had bruises all over my body and thats when he called child protective services... and thats when I was put into states custody... and thats a WHOLE another LONG story... anywho... I ended up trying to find love in ALL the WRONG places... and was raped in the process and then I found my husband! he has saved me from myself! he has been the best person in my life! but I just feel like I just cant get over this... my doctor thinks I have what is it called... pdsd post dramatic stress disorder? Ive had counseling and I dont know it would help but it didnt seem to help all the way? if that makes any sense... this is why Im getting a little furbutt Im hoping that Gracie will help me! I know just seeing her little face will just brighten my day! sorry it is really long...