I had the same problem and found out that tessa didn't like a dirty peepad. Once she's peed on it I have to put a clean one down. She is going outside most of the time now anyway. Once a found the poop, I would pick her up and carry her over to where the poop was and tell her "NO" as I was picking the poop up. Then I would carry her and the poop over to the pad and put both on the pad. Then I would praise her like she had gone on the pad in the first place. She seems to have caught on. I did this for about 2 weeks. I prefer free feed as well so I can understand where your husband is coming from. All my animals (3 of them) are free feed. No problems with being overweight.
