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PinkMartini · 07-31-2005, 03:45 PM

Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states’ tourism Councils have adapted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It’s called a “gravel road”. No matter how slow you drive, you are going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it …not just to keep up with the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped…by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600.00 Orvis fly rod. Don’t dry if a 20# northern pike breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while bunches of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you only drive on weekends. We’re impressed! We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use for only two weeks a year.

12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you’re a feminist, isn’t that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too…and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar. It’s available at the bait shop.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.

16. That County Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot…his name is “Sir,” No matter how old he is.

07-31-2005, 03:45 PM	#1
PinkMartini BANNED! Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: California Posts: 1,043	Tourist misunderstandings Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin, Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and South Dakota, those states’ tourism Councils have adapted a set of information guidelines. In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list will be handed to each driver entering the state: 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym. 2. It’s called a “gravel road”. No matter how slow you drive, you are going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it …not just to keep up with the neighbors. 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it. 4. Any references to “corn fed” when talking about our women will get you whipped…by our women. 5. Go ahead and bring your $600.00 Orvis fly rod. Don’t dry if a 20# northern pike breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for…bait. 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot. 7. If that cell phone rings while bunches of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don’t have it up to your ear at the time. 8. That’s right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport. 9. No, there’s no “Vegetarian Special” on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice! 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you only drive on weekends. We’re impressed! We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use for only two weeks a year. 12. Let’s get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it’s red. We may even stop when it’s yellow. 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you’re a feminist, isn’t that cute. 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too…and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar. It’s available at the bait shop. 15. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don’t hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish. 16. That County Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot…his name is “Sir,” No matter how old he is.