[connie777]

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continued from my previous e-mail about Bentley:

At first Irene, like any new mom, was grossed out over the thought of "dog germs" if the baby touched his toys or vice versa..but I think she finally realized, that at least at my house, there would be no way to avoid "dog germs" with this perky little dog and baby in the same room. I couldn't banish him outside to the winter cold when the baby was awake in the house having "all that fun". I've never heard of anyone getting a sickness from a dog's mouth...except rabies. Of course we didn't let her play with his toys and tried to keep them apart as much as possible.
The experience and bonding for the baby was worth it for the fun they had. It wasn't going to be long before Lydia would begin exerting authority over the dog. It is pretty fascinating to watch the change as she learns to assert herself.
She was already concluding she didn't want to hand him the ball herself...after a few tries of getting it from him she knew he was too fiesty about letting go of the ball most of the time. She decided she'd rather let me throw it and just watch and laugh at his chase. She'd hand the "baw" back to me if I offered her a try.

However......
Bentley was now lying on a towel on a flattened cardboard box at the door when Irene arrived. We both felt he was dead but she called a vet and we took him there just to hear it officially.
Then I realized Katherine would be home from work after 1:00 so I called and she came over. I was glad she was there because she loved Bentley so much...and she had received great comfort from him all the first summer when she was so sick. Now she would get to see him one more time while he was still soft and warm. Her father died while she was on the plane back from L..A. and she never got to see him that one last time.

We all petted and stroked his sweet still body and cried.
I am still crying today.
Scott arrived with Lydia and he was also moved by the sight. We had a hug which was good. Lydia was almost asleep in her car seat when he brought her in...and sat her right next to the dog. She was unaware of what was happening...and went back to sleep.
How do you bury someone you love? But you know you have to. You touch him a little more and hope it's just not true and he'll raise his head. But no.
I wanted something that was familiar to him. Irene and I cut a large piece from the couch throw that Bentley and I used to cover up when he'd lay on the couch by me all the time. I shrouded him in that with some of his special squeaky toys and bound him with the long elastic that was attached to another favorite play thing he just loved. His tug o war jumpy...we called it Bbentley's "jumpy" or his "humping bear". It was a stuffed toy tied to a very long elastic cord and on the other end a smaller toy. He loved to play with that....it was a lazy way to get him running and exercising while I sat on the couch.

Irene suggested I take some locks of his hair and keep his leather collar and some other toys. Like his jingle bell dog jacket from last year. He loved to walk with that on in the cold and would usually wiggle it off after a while. Or he'd run around the house shaking the bells and tossing it in the air wanting me to chase him. WhenI'd get the jacket off the hook to put it on...he'd get all excited hearing the bells because he knew we were going out for a walk. Well, any time I reached for a leash he was excited.
Anytime I put on make-up and looked busy around my purse and cell-phone he was worried I'd be going somewhere without him.
...
The ground was not frozen deeper than about 6 inches. Steven dug quite a deep grave in my flower bed near the corner of the garage.
We buried him right away. While I wrapped him up for burial I thought about the mothers and fathers in Iraq and other places of disaster. How I've seen them mourning their children...wrapped in white shrouds. And I used to think how devastating it must be to have to bury them on the spot like that. We see it on television after earthquakes and floods...burying their children, husband and wives right in the dirt next to their rubbled homes.
Of course I know burying Bentley didn't compare to that...but at this time he does to me. How much deeper and longer will be the pain for those people. I thought of Helen when Emma was murdered as she was down and fighting cancer, and my sister when her son committed suicide and she had to see him in the ER. I felt slightly better thinking of those who needed to bury their own children.
He was my responsibility and I had failed to protect him. I had gotten too confident in his behavior. He had no idea that a car was a dangerous thing. I even installed an electric underground fence...but not trained him to it before the snow fell. I had started that training a few days earlier...but there was no good reason he wasn't trained to it yet. Just my eteral prorcastination.
Hopefully we think a dog is always in the moment. That he didn't fear death. That he was happily running about and wham...like a fly was sniffed out. I hope it was like that. Like he felt me pick him up and carry him a few moments...then went off to sleep forever. At least I am greatful that I didn't have a suffering baby stuggling to breath and whimpering in pain and fear.
But he is gone.
To answer your other question..No.. he wasn't wearing the Christmas garb you saw in the picture when he died. He only wore that for a little while on Christmas Day. I'd put it on before my sister Barb and her husband Wally arrived...just for fun to look festive. It was a little thing we found at Target for two dollars. Barb and Wally were were stopping on their way back to Milwaukee especially to see him on Christmas Day because I didn't bring him to the Christmas Eve gathering at Katherine's. He would have been a handful with the gifts, food, baby and rabbit all at his level.

Usually Bentley would wiggle out of an outfit like that...but luckily he sat still for awhile that day so I could actually take some pictures near the tree. Irene and Lydia had just left after four days. The house was quiet and he was acting sort of melancholy for awhile. Then Barb arrived and he ran outside to greet her and Wally (on his chain of course). He wiggled right out of the elf when he started jumping around.

We had fun with Bentley that day. John Purinton (Helen's son) stopped over with cookies he'd made and brought from New Jersey. Bentley entertained everyone..if they wanted entertainment or not...eventually driving us nuts with a new ball I suggested katherine gave him for Christmas. He loved it but kept running it into corners, behind the tree, and getting it stuck under furniture. Then barking at it because he couldn't get it out. After a while we put the ball out of sight.
When the people left I let a lot of air out of it..so he could just barely pick it up and run with it. He had fun with it another ten minutes until he finally bit through it. I knew he would that was my plan.
I'd told katherine I was going to scarifice her gift for our sanity and I paid her for it. Soon it was deflated and he left it alone. Peace at last. That's the nice thing about a dog. They know no better. He assumed those balls are to destroy and doesn't ask more from it. He's off to the next good thing that moves and doesn't whine for another...or want someone to fix it. He just moves on.

It was the next day that he was hit by the car.

I wouldn't usually dress up a dog and cart him around like a toy in LA. But he did have a sweater from katherine and wore it once or twice in the bitter cold we had a couple weeks ago.

I took his pic wearing it and wrestling with his outside favorite outside thing...the snow shovel. Bentley loved that snow shovel and all "people tools". We had rakes, brooms and the snow shovel out in the yard all year round for him to attack.

I miss him so. It's very different sitting at the computer without him lying on my lap or under my chair. Or stealing pens and sipping my coffee if I'd forget to push in the computer chair. He'd climb up on the desk to see if there were goodies there.
He used to like to "chase" the cursor on the monitor screen when he was little. I guess he thought it was "alive".

I had many pictures in this e-mail but they don't show up here. I will try to figure out how to post some later or send a link to snapfish in case anyone would like to see my baby.