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Originally Posted by chloeTG  I agree things will change, careers, decision making..life all together...but I'm not sure if that should keep us from experiencing those changes together, marriage isn't having everything set and unchanging, no matter how long one waits to get married or how mature you become...life will always change (for better or worse)...for the record he's 30 and I'm 29.
I may not be in my late 30's or 40's but I am old enough to know I'd like a family and that there really is something to this whole marriage thing.. I see that when I walk into my parent's home and find them dancing in the kitchen.
I am hearing what he is saying and what he needs and have offered to start helping him to answer some of the questions that are bothering him. Hence, my support of finding a pre-marital counselor..he made the comment to me that sometimes he felt that he may be going over board with his fear and that it might help him ease some of them. I promise I've taken into consideration the entire subject matter and how he feels.
I'd would never be so niave as to take something like marriage so lightly that I wouldn't think about the changes one goes through in the course of a relationship and take the time to discover what it's like after the honey moon phase.
So, maybe I'm asking the wrong question here...is it 5 years, 10 years, 20 years...when does one consider marriage? When is one mature enough and settled enough to decide they can become someone's partner in life? |
Since you are at those ages, I agree with you. You have grown into the person you will fundamentally always be. You know enough about yourself to know what you want. He should also pretty much know what he wants. both your maturity levels should be up there so that the life changes to be experienced at this point, can be mutually shared, with each other understanding the other's reactions with that maturity.
So I think this boils down to 3 issues:
1. either he has a real fear factor and cannot conceptualize himself in marriage (at least at this point)
2. he cannot see himself married to you, or
3. he cannot see himself married to anyone at this stage of his life, not having anything to do with you or fear of marriage.
The fact that he will not go to pre-marital counseling at this point in your relationship means he really is not anywhere near marriage thinking.
So maybe the real question is are you willing to wait until he is ready which means you may need to re-assess your need for marriage.
I think that timing is everything. You both are not in the same place yet, in reference to this issue.