[chloeTG]

Originally Posted by nvnvgirl

I ache for you! I know how you feel and how worried you must be. And I don't know the answer. You don't want to feel like you pressured him into marrying you or gave him an ultimatum. But on the other hand, you don't want to invest your everything in someone if he's NEVER going to marry you. It's not really the MARRIAGE thing; it's the COMMITMENT thing. Because YOU feel like you want that specific commitment to meet the goals you have in your mind. And if he isn't thinking along the same lines, then...what? I've heard people say to set a time limit in your mind; like...well, whatever amount of time that you would invest in the relationship without feeling like you're being taken advantage of; and if it hasn't happened by then, say "nice knowing you". But it's kind of not fair if you don't let him in on the timeframe. Only, if you tell him, it's like you're pressuring him. Relationships are SO hard sometimes! And I think sometimes, as women, we feel like they're just afraid, but if they just went along with it, they'd see how great it is and think "why did I wait so long?". My mom went thru that for a long time with her now husband. They lived together for a few years, she wanted to be married, he kept stalling (not for much of any real reason), she finally moved out to another town, and the eventually (to abbreviate the situation) got married. They've been together for a long time now. Sometimes it takes being apart for someone to realize that if they don't jump on it now, it might not be there when THEY'RE ready. I don't advocate playing games, but I think you have to decide how much you're willing to invest in the relationship as it is now. I was with my first husband for 10 yrs (off and on) before we got married, but we always stayed good friends. It's kind of finally like "ok, we're at this point in our lives; so, what's the next step to improve it?". I guess I'm just saying that he might just not be at that point where marriage is the next logical step for him. But I hear ya; I think men and women just have a different outlook on getting married and it's very frustrating.

OH, BTW, we were 26 when we got married and I was NOWHERE nearly mature enough to be married. At least your guy is talking about it .....just be sure that it's not just lipservice; actions speak louder than words most of the time!

Thanks guys, it's good to get a non-emotional look at what's going on here. And I absolutely would NOT want him to marry me because he felt pressured, that's no way to start a marriage...something else that bothers me is on our anniversary HE brought up that he wanted to get engaged by January of 08...okay now he's saying he needs more time...well which is it? If your not sure it's cruel to say things like that. I can understand two people being in two different places in their lives I'm certainly not asking to be come married in only one year...engaged in two and married our 3rd year out..that would be an idea of what I'd like.