I would have to say my grandfather whom I never met.... He died when my dad was 8 years old and I still think to this day that is what made my dad make some of the bad choices he has in life. I would ask him to watch over my father and guide him to be the person that I know he could be. I havent spoken to my dad in over 3 years, hes alive and I know I should just call him but I cant... To much detail to go into. I miss him so much but I dont miss all the stress that came along with him, stress to the point I was beyond sick.
It terrifies me that something will happen to him and I wont have that chance to say to him what I want to say to him.. Dad I love you.
If you knew the whole story of why we arent speaking you would understand my dilema on why I just cant pick up the phone and call him. I really beleive alot of it stems from a gambling addiction.
I always wasnt fond of Christmas because he would gamble all his Christmas spending money away and come Christmas morning he would be so sad and would cry that he didnt have money to buy anyone gifts. Every Christmas I cant get that image of my depressed father out of my head. I still cry every Christmas morning even though we arent speaking.
I love you dad |