It's nearly December and the weeks have been tough. We've made some changes to Cooper's treatment and its been exhausting.
We start each day with a trip to the vet to get 180cc's of fluid. He does really well - the girls at the front desk get us in and out in 10 min. I only have one person administer his sub q's and she's amazing. She loves Cooper and although he's hesitant to leave my arms and hop into hers, he is an angel during treatment.
The bloodwork has changed significantly in the last 3-4 weeks. Cooper was pretty stable with a BUN of 66, Creatnine of 4.3 and Phosphorous of 5.9. In the last two weeks his BUN has gone up to 111, Creatnine has jumped twice to 5.2 and now 6.1 and his phosphorous has jumped to 11.1. He's not eating much and we've tried various different meds.
He grew tired of the Purina NF so a nutritionist at UC Davis designed three recipes relevant to his bloodwork. The novelty lasted about a week and we were back to square one. We are now on Prescription k/d and while he eats from time to time, its a struggle. The only thing that gets him excited is carrots.
Sometimes I fear he's lost a bit of that sparkle and I'm heartbroken when I see him shake. Other times he surprises me and is a terror just like any other puppy. It's consuming - I am hesitant to travel anywhere and if I do book something I make sure its fully refundable in case he's ill. Every day I wonder how much longer I have with him - and even though i tell myself I should enjoy every moment, sometimes I just can't. I have to remind myself that I'm not doing this so I can cure him, but rather I am doing this so he feels as little pain as possible. I constantly have this fear that at some point I will have to put him down and I know that day will be so dreadfully painful. The only peace of mind is that I know he doesn't know he's sick. My vet has been amazing - everything I suggest she researches and she has put so much time and energy into this.
I think back to Bentley and how I used to be so angry that he got sick so quickly and i had no choice but to put him down after his 4th day in the hospital. This is so much harder. |