[Matthew]

Thanks to all of you for the kind words and thoughts. I still feel bad, and hope that it will soon pass.
This reminds me of when I adopted TJ (the big dog). I went into the pound in Ithaca, NY, looking for the 30 lb beagle that was advertised. I had been having a hard time, and had been very depressed. Once I started to feel better (got some meds and a good therapist), I decided to share my life with a dog. Anyhow, the beagle was gone, but the attendant said to go in the back and look around.
All the dogs were jumping on the gates, barking, and licking me. Then I saw one dog just lying on his hammock... not moving, not making a sound, just staring straight ahead. I asked to go in his cage, and he wanted nothing to do with me, not even for a treat. Nevertheless, I asked about him out front, and got some hard stares. They said they would "let me know", and I went home. I got a call a few days later that it was OK if I came back ,to "see him again". I did so, but before I could see him, the animal control officers raked me over the coals. What was I going to "do" with him (uh, make him part of the family). Where was he going to stay if they let me have him (Um...in the house, on my couch and bed, naturally). Did I want to chain him out(Never!) The more they talked, the more pissed off I got. Finally I asked if EVERYONE got this kind of grilling when wanting to adopt.
The AC people softened, and told me the whole story: He was going on his THIRD adoption. First family said he did not get along with cats (now he lives with two, who torment him, but I think he secretly likes it). Back he came. Second family got "tired" of him (their report) after a week, and booted him out onto the street. AC came and got him after reports of him tipping neighborhood garbage cans for food. Third family took him, and did not respond to follow up calls from the shelter. AC officers came out to the house, and found him chained out down the hill from their house, eating what they threw out the window to him, and they saw children taunting him and throwing rocks and sticks at him. They cut the chain, and he ran right to their van, and got in!
So, after this, I got him, and he spent the entire first weekend shaking on the couch, not eating, and pooping and peeing everywhere in the house. I just sat on the couch and held him for a few days.
Now I have a happy, friendly, well adjusted dog who has more friends than I do!
When I decided to go to grad school, everyone asked me what I was going to do with the dog. I could not figure out why they would ask that. I had a garage sale, sold most of my household stuff, and made him the mascot of the sale. The sign read: "Send my dog to graduate school" (I was raising funds to afford to ship him...he had to have his own ticket based on weight, and he weighed 60 lbs at the time- about 200.00 for his flight). People were great, and he loved "supervising" the sale, over a period to two days. I had so many people insisting to pay 20.00 for a salt shaker, or 5.00 for an old magazine. I ended up with over 800.00 (when most of the stuff was worth a lot less).
Anyhow, we made it New Orleans, and lived there for two years, where he became the official mascot of the neighborhood. The kids used to ask me if "TJ can come out and play". Then the hurricane, and when we lived in E. Texas for a few months, the kid next door came over and used to ask to play with TJ. Now, my neighbors little girl comes over and asks: "Can TJ come out and play?" I think he will be doing this until he is old and grey.
I promised him that it will be me, and only me, who protects him and loves him until one of us dies. And nothing stands in the way of that.
That was how I was STARTING to feel about Myles/Max. A bit prematurely, but hey, everyone should be so lucky as I have been in finding my animals. Same for the cats. I love Grace and Kenneth with all my heart. Having both in the house provides a nice sense of balance to a home.
So I will hang onto my stuff. Who knows? Another little bedraggled treasure may wander by in need shelter soon. And I would do the same thing again, if it means getting the dog back to those who might be missing it (and the dog missing them). Although I might be tempted to keep it and not search, that would not be the right thing to do.
Sorry for the long winded story, but it helps me to not feel so sad right now.
Matthew