OH Denise I am so sorry and hate to hear this. I am not a mommy as you know but as a daughter I remember being just horrible to my mom and man oh man I apologize to her daily for it still. I was such a rebel and so mean and nasty at times. Only thing I can say to you is my mom never gave up on me (not that I think you ever would) and now we are the BEST of friends. My mom used to just say to herself ..."This too shall pass” and it did.
It does not make what you daughter or hubby is doing right nor does my story help you but honestly if I could help you understand how horrible I was as a teenager and now to look at my mom and I it may give you hope.
Sending you BIG hugs girl - love ya and hang in there!!