Dear Livi,
Please awow me to introduce myself: Me is named Archie and me would like to apply for the position of boyfriend to you. Here is me quali-cations and a photygraph of me handsomeness (Mommy made me white dat last part).
Me is not very tall, but Mommy says me makes up for it with me "atty-tood," whatever dat is. Me has dark brown eyes and hair that's all different colors (but not as pretty colors as yours) and all the girls in my neighbyhood says me got's the cutest little booty. Me doesn't know any twicks, but me is a nice boy and will treat you respectable.
Lub, your potential boyfriend, Archie
Here is what me looks like 1) Sending you a kiss; 2) Me cutest part; 3) Me looking handsome.