I know what you mean about being confusing
. My Abigail (will be two next month) will growl at hubby if she is in my lap when he enters a room. However, she wants his full attention at other times! She even snaps at him when he comes to bed sometimes - other times, he can move her in bed, and she's fine.
What I've started doing, and you might want to try is: If I'm holding her, and he comes into the room, I ask him to just come over to us. If she growls, I tell her "no". She looks at me. If she continues to growl, I put her down - to let her know the behavior is unacceptable. I think(?) we're making strides!
WELCOME to YT, btw!