[joy and bella]

I posted a while back about my mom dying and since have rarely been on YT. I find myself running from the things that I did while she was here so that I dont have to think of how much better it was when she was here. It had been a little over 7 months, and nothing is gettign better. i am so angry at everything, i have no motivation for school, and at times i just want to die. I would never take my own life, but i am sad to say that the thought crosses my mind. i feel that i can talk to my friends because none of them understand and i feel like a burden with all these issues. My family just says the same things over and over, but it seems like they are all moving on so much better than me. my mom was my everything!!! i cant explain it....i just wonder if maybe some people dont get over these things. maybe you love someone so much and have such a connection that life is never the same without them. will i ever be happpy again? i have moments of happiness, but if one little thing in my life changes i get seriously depressed. i cant handle anything going wrong...and i used to be so strong! i just dont know who i am anymore! when i lost her i lost myself!

i am sorry this is so long, i just didnt know where else to turn!