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Old 09-14-2007, 05:11 AM   #1
ARCHIE
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 16,218
Wink Here's alittle chuckle for ya

Dear Dogs and Cats,






The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other


dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in


the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your


food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.






The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.. Beating me


to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall


faster than you can run.






I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about


this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your


comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It


is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the


fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and


having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but


sarcasm.






For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some


miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not


necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw


under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same


door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or


feline attendance is not required.






The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I


cannot stress this enough!






To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our


front door:






To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Pets:






1. They live here. You don't.<BR2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.


(That's why they call it "fur"niture.)<BR3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.<BR4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is


short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.<BR<BRRemember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:<BR1. Eat less<BR2. Don't ask for money all the time


3 Are easier to train


4. Normally come when called


5. Never ask to drive the car


6. Don't smoke or drink


7. Don't have to buy the latest fashions


8. Don't want to wear your clothes


9. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.


And finally...


10. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
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