I am so very sorry for your loss and as someone who's baby died at 13 months...I understand the pain. I spent alot of time...pondering...should've, would've, could've...beating myself up over it. It's very difficult.
I, also, understand the feeling...I don't want her/him at the rainbow bridge...I just want her/him here. Accepting the joy of love also means accepting the heartbreak.
Again my condolenses on your very painful loss....rest assured time will heal the wound, but it doesn't pass nearly quickly enough.
