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Proud Mommy · 07-02-2007, 10:55 PM

I am going to try to express how I feel to each and everyone of you. I was not raised in a very outwardly emotional family so it is hard for me to tell people how I feel. I usually end up saying nothing because I get embarrassed and sometimes people see that as unappreciative. I do have to say it is a little easier on a computer but not much, so I apologize for not thanking everyone more. The compassion that each of you has shown to me is amazing, I never in my life have been around such wonderfully people. I have experienced things in my life that has allowed me to give up on humanity. For years I felt it was more of an "every man for himself" type of world. God does everything for a reason and I belive that firmly, even though sometimes I forget that some things are lessons not punishments. For the last two weeks I have been angry with God because I felt He was punishing me for something I had done (or not done). I thought how could He take my dog away from me, why does He want me to be so unhappy? I have never lost anyone close to me so I have never really been mournful. I could always empathies with others but never really feal their pain. Losing Zeke has been the most painfully emotional experience I have ever had. I love my children and I love my husband but I have never been able to truly give my entire heart to them, I have always held back for fear of getting hurt... when I got Zeke every wall that had taken twenty years to put up crumbled. So this is the first time I have experienced real loss. I am beginning to see that I may get Zeke back, but first maybe I need to finish seeing what God is trying to show me. I think he brought me to you guys to show me that there are so many people in this world that do care. I think he wants me to see that it is ok to depend on people and to ask for help when I need it... not to just sit and hope that help will roll up on its own. I think he is giving me permission to show people how I really feal and not to be embarrassed or ashamed of my feelings. I had started to become disconnected, life is just what you do when your eyes are open. I have not been appreciating my life. I have always felt that Zeke is my little angel... well, maybe he really is. So again Thank you to every one of you for all you are doing to help me find my little boy, I will never give up.

07-02-2007, 10:55 PM	#760
Proud Mommy The Fabulous 4 Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: ca Posts: 1,321	Thank You Thank You!!! I am going to try to express how I feel to each and everyone of you. I was not raised in a very outwardly emotional family so it is hard for me to tell people how I feel. I usually end up saying nothing because I get embarrassed and sometimes people see that as unappreciative. I do have to say it is a little easier on a computer but not much, so I apologize for not thanking everyone more. The compassion that each of you has shown to me is amazing, I never in my life have been around such wonderfully people. I have experienced things in my life that has allowed me to give up on humanity. For years I felt it was more of an "every man for himself" type of world. God does everything for a reason and I belive that firmly, even though sometimes I forget that some things are lessons not punishments. For the last two weeks I have been angry with God because I felt He was punishing me for something I had done (or not done). I thought how could He take my dog away from me, why does He want me to be so unhappy? I have never lost anyone close to me so I have never really been mournful. I could always empathies with others but never really feal their pain. Losing Zeke has been the most painfully emotional experience I have ever had. I love my children and I love my husband but I have never been able to truly give my entire heart to them, I have always held back for fear of getting hurt... when I got Zeke every wall that had taken twenty years to put up crumbled. So this is the first time I have experienced real loss. I am beginning to see that I may get Zeke back, but first maybe I need to finish seeing what God is trying to show me. I think he brought me to you guys to show me that there are so many people in this world that do care. I think he wants me to see that it is ok to depend on people and to ask for help when I need it... not to just sit and hope that help will roll up on its own. I think he is giving me permission to show people how I really feal and not to be embarrassed or ashamed of my feelings. I had started to become disconnected, life is just what you do when your eyes are open. I have not been appreciating my life. I have always felt that Zeke is my little angel... well, maybe he really is. So again Thank you to every one of you for all you are doing to help me find my little boy, I will never give up.