should i be there when it's time to let go?
 

i posted a thread earlier and have had an overwhelming amount of responses but what i regret was that i wasn't clear on the most important thing. as i prepare to say goodbye to rufus, at 22, i live with my parents, and rufus would NOT by any means be alone. my mom and dad would be there with him and they promised that if it was too painful for me, i didn't have to be there, i could come in after the procedure was over and say my goodbyes. if i lived alone and this were my dog there'd be no question i would be there bc i would be desserting him, but he will have his mommy and daddy with him, if me, his brother is unable to be present. he will NOT be alone. i should have made that clear. idk if this changes anybody's opinion, but it's a major point i should have pointed out.

my mom and dad said no matter what i decide they will be present, and that if i am emotionally unable, i should not feel guilty. i talked to a therapist who i've seen for years and he said for me it may not be the best choice to be there and that if im unable i can come in afterwards to say my goodbyes. for me its the sadness of watching him go and watching my parents. i feel i am strong enough to go in after the procedure to say my goodbyes, but i dont know if i am strong enough to be in there with them and watch it. hope that makes it clearer

If your parents are going to be with little rufus, I think you can rest and have peace in knowing someone will be with him. You can always go into the room afterward and say goodbye. My mother did not go into the room when the family Scotties were "put down", and she loved those dogs immensely. She just said goodbye afterward. I am sorry you are facing this.

That is a personal decision only you can make. There is no right or wrong answer, some people say their goodbyes before and leave, others stay thru to the end. Do whatever is comfortable, as Rufus is going to be relieved to be set free of his worn out body.

Whether you are there or not, know that it is your memories of the good times that will stay with you forever, and that is what Rufus wants you thinking about now and forever after. Focus on the happy times, and not the end.

You love Rufus so much, and you've given him that love for all of these years. It seems you've grown up together. I really respect the thought you've put into this, and you must do what your heart tells you is right. Rufus will be surrounded by those who love him, and you are not deserting him. I needed to be there with my little girls, but I don't think my husband could have beared it. He loved them with all of his heart, and they were his babies. He was there for them their entire life, and would have done anything for them. Everyone handles things differently. Give Rufus your love now, all that you can give him. If you can't be there for Rufus when he passes away, your parents will show him love and comfort.

This is a personal decision. Personally, I have lost two animals- one I was not able to be in the room (it was my childhood dog and I was away at College, it was unexpected), the other I was in the room for. I still regret to this day not being able to be in the room with the one.

I would want to be there.....I just lost a dog who went by herself, and I so wish I could have been there with her. But she died extremely unexpectedly at home and very suddenly! You may regret not being there. LAter!

Hi...I totaly understand where you are coming from I really do...I had to make a HUGE decision to put my girl Bailey to rest...she was almost 15 yrs old and had a stroke...her quality of life was over...but I was selfish and didn't wanna lose my baby...it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make...and I cried & hurt so bad...but the one thing I will never regret is being in that room with my baby when she went to rainbow bridge...that was one of the most beautiful and saddest moments in my life...and I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

If you can't be there I know Rufus will understand. He will not be alone but with your parents who love him too. I know many people that cannot be there and cannot bear that to be their last memory of their baby. My Dad was that way and my sister was until recently. I am so sorry you are going through this. There is no wrong or right just what each person can handle.

I posted on your other thread about not feeling guilty if you can't bear to be in the room. Honestly, it's not for everyone and you are very young.

I can't tell you what to do ~ only that guilt should not be any part of your decision.

It's hard - very hard. I think I would do it again; but I'll really have to think about it.

What's important is spending all the time you can with him NOW and not so much where you are when he takes his last breath.

Whatever you decide will be the right decision. I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

I never stay I am a total wreck driving home without watching. I'd never make it home if I stayed. I just had to put Holly down on 4-18-2011 and I still cry.

thank u guys. this truly made me feel better. i only regret having to post a redundant thread bc i neglected to leave the key element that may have been what was prompting ppl to say i have to be there, neglecting to say, i'm a 22 yo boy who's NEVER had a pet before. i didn't get rufus until i was 14, i was just a kid. he won't be alone. i know i'll say goodbye before he goes and i'll go in after to get closure, i just am not sure, as my first pet, who i owe my entire maturity and life to, having that be my last image. the guilt of not being there is something i can eventually find peace and forgive myself for even tho i shouldn't feel guilty and it shouldn't be a factor, what i can't promise myself is if that image of him dying will NOT stick with me forever and haunt me and that frightens me more. he knows how much i love him. i cry so often and everytime, its even become a game, i'll pretend to start crying, and there comes rufus, he can be passed out, gets up and comes right to my face to tell me how much he loves me. i turned to god last week and i just didnt know when was the right time to let him go and i just said please god, help me, give me a sign, i told rufus to please let me know and the very next night he was in my parents room as they got ready for bed and he jumped off, cried at the door to get out and my dad took him down to see if he was hungry, but he came right over to me at the couch, cried for me to pick him up and proceeded to kiss me

Hugs to you. You are taking this with maturity that is beyond your years. I don't know what else to tell you since this is something I avoid thinking about.

When I had to have my Bungee put to sleep, I held her while my vet gave her anesthesia to put her in a deep sleep before the lethal shot. I was the last person she saw and I got to hold her until I was sure she was completely unconscious, then I left the room. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm glad I did it. My dad took my previous two dogs and I have always regretted that I didn't have the courage to be there.

This is totally your decision. Do not let the "what if's" be your reasoning for making your decision. Only you know what it is that you will able to do and handle when the time comes. You might even change your mind at the last moment and surprise yourself with whichever decision you make.

It is never easy to say good-bye but don't let this weigh on your mind to the point that you are missing out on what time you have left with Rufus. Enjoy each and every precious moment that you have now.

Best of luck with whatever decision you make and hugs to you for having to go thru this. Just remember, as hard as this is, it is part of life. Focus on all the good times that you and Rufus have shared and are sharing, hold on the those precious memories and don't let this be the last thing that you remember of Rufus.