Your baby sounds just like my Mylee. I've posted before on Mylee's extreme anxiety issues. I never could crate train for the same reasons you posted, and she either jumped or climbed out of play pens. What I do have for her is Moka, our other dog who graciously took on the roll of babysitter. She gets great comfort from Moka when the two are left home during the day. Without Moka I know we'd be dealing with many of the same issues you are dealing with. I will say, however, we have seen great progress through consistency and regular training, and I get great satisfaction seeing where she has come. Mylee is very, very smart, and it seems the more we teach her and work with her, the better her behavior becomes. I don't think this is the best scenario to recommend another dog, so I wonder if a doggy daycare wouldn't be the best option for you and your baby during the day.

They have a 2nd dog...

That's right, I remember reading that. But she also said she had them in separate pens. Not sure if it's in the same room though. Still, I'd put them together as long as they tolerate each other. You still have the mess either way but they have the company. Usually, if one lays down to sleep the other will too.

Just my opinion but I think she is so scared of being yelled at or worse that she uncontrollably pees/poops. So to medicating her I would say that is ok for a short term. I don't like to see pets medicated long term. It usually takes a sedative effect which isn't a natural state. I had to give my cockatoo "birdy Prozac" and it was sad to see. He just sat all day doing nothing.
I agree if you want to keep this little girl then you have to change your attitude and work with her to feel loved.

what worries me is having to put her in a small room alone with nothing in it....will not help in any way to help her anxiety. Perhaps she needs to be rehomed to someone who can spend more time with her.

We have them in the same room together in separate big pens. they cans till see and be with each other but instead of bathing two dogs every night to get the poop and pee out of their hair I only have to bathe one.

I actually am not a yeller so I never yell at her. Both her and Ellie get tons of cuddles and loving and I do give her treats and praise her whenever she does things right. I try not to be to stern and get mad because I do know how sensitive they are. I brought in a trainer and we went through all of these steps and I have implemented them all and while I do agree it has helped some, there are still so many problems.

I wish I could keep her by my side at all times! My vet actually did not suggest anxiety medication at all because while she is very destructive, she is not an anxious or nervous dog. I might get one of the shirts though and leave it on her just to see if it makes a difference.

Destruction and self harm are also anxiety related. Dogs have been known to break through their crates, destroy doors from scratching. Maybe you should revisit this idea with your vet. But in the end, if you really feel this is something you are not bake to deal with long term there is always the option of rehoming or surrendering to a rescue.

When did this behavior start?

I think kjc is onto something. This behavior seems like a pup who is out of sorts and may be feeling the tension (which only causes her more anxiety and unwanted behavioral incidents).
While my 8 month-old is not going through what your girl is, I did notice early on that she had stress incontinence and was sensitive to ANY reaction to her bodily functions. I ignore mistakes ALWAYS and OVER-praise successes. (my DH even joins the "celebration" in a high voice "Potty on the potty pad! YAAYYY!" "We're so prouuuud!" lol) But, when she's actually USING the indoor grass-like potty pad (or the other types we still have in various places), she will freak out if anyone is watching her. The whole house gets quiet and still and we all pretend we don't see her---and then we start cheering when she's done like hockey players after a hat trick! :D
I hope that your girl's problem isn't medical, but definitely remember that she's not TRYING to make you angry and frustrated. She's probably as stressed as you are, somehow.
I hope things improve, whatever changes you implement. You clearly care very much for your not-yet-with-the-program baby.

:thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:

I just wanted to clarify also from my post that going 10 times a day being the norm here, I was meaning mostly pee, and a couple poops per day. If your pup is pooping that many times a day or their hair is getting covered with it, this sounds like its some type of medical issue such as a parasite, food allergy or something to that effect. As long as they have a sanitary trim, nothing should be sticking to your pups hair.

Yes, I totally agree. Poop should be firm, small and compact. An occasional poop to the butt in NBD but it should be very infrequent.

Just an FYI... I am not judging you or your DH... I understand only because I've been in a similar situation myself (with the little angel you see to your left in my avatar, Bless his heart).

She didn't get where she is overnight, and it won't be fixed in a night. It may take months to turn her behavior around. With my Peek A Boo, we were in a downhill spiral, and it seemed like everyday he found something new to do just to piss me off.

He was sneaky, and the more I tried to correct him, the worse he got. I did a great deal of soul searching one weekend, and decided if corrections weren't working, I needed to change my plan. So I did the opposite and started praising him. He sat in my lap every night and not once in 8 months would he make eye contact with me. Every night I made a point to tell him I love you. You are a Good Boy. And I don't care what you do, you will always have a home here, I will never make you leave. After a few weeks, I decided he just wasn't going to bond with me, and choose to accept that, and accept him as he was. I did start giving him a kiss on his cheek. His response was to turn his head away from me. Fine, I was going to kiss him every night anyway. After 2 months, he turned away, I kissed his cheek, then he turned his head the other way...? What? You want a kiss on your other cheek? So I did. Still he wouldn't look at me, but he got his kisses every night.

After 8 months of this, one night I gave him his talk and his kisses (sometimes he would keep turning his head back and forth and till he got 4-5 kisses on each side, lol), then, out of the blue, he licked my cheek. I never expected that, I had given up in my heart of ever reaching him, and went into shock, tears streamed down my face, and I remember thinking, yeah, we're on our way.

And along the way, the bad behavior gradually dropped off, just as gradually as it built up. We became best buddies, and when he died in December, he took a huge chunk of my heart with him. His last day, I saw fear in his eyes and I grabbed him up in my arms, I knew it was his time, and I told him, I love you, it's okay, you're the best boy ever and I'll love you forever. Mommy loves you baby. You're such a Good Boy! And he took his last breath and died peacefully in my arms.

Just don't give up.