What do I say without offending.....
 

I work three days a week. Toby goes to my aunts house when I am away so that he isnt at home on his own. The other alternative is that he stays at home and my mum lets him out for a while at lunch time.

Obviously it would be better for him to be at my aunts with her two dogs. The thing is, he is let out on his own too much. I went to collect him yesterday and she was working (she does reflexology in her own house), and my uncle didnt know where Toby was! :eek:

Their two dogs were in the back garden, but it isnt enclosed, and Toby had ventured down to the school yard beside their house. Although school was over, their could still be traffic on the private road.

I am so afraid of him getting knocked down by a car. The front of their house is on a busy road, and if he gets curious or adventurous and goes to the front of the house instead of the school I hate to think what would happen.

My mum said one day last week she called in and them and their two dogs were in the house. She asked where Toby was and again they didnt know. He was outside in the garden, with the door closed.

Now I have only had my first dog last year, and they have had dogs for about 25 years, so how do I say that I dont think my dog is safe there!

Yikes! I would probably have your mom let him out at lunch time. I know its nice to have socialization with the other dogs, but it sounds a bit dangerous to me. It might be better to be around your puppy, when he is having play time with other dogs.

I think I would tell them that he is old enough to stay home by himself now. You have to stop taking him there or something awful may happen to him.

I would be very uncomfortable with this arrangement. I'd rather he be alone in a safe environment and left out at lunchtime. I don't know how your wildlife is in Ireland, but here in the states, even in very populated areas, we have frequent hawks that can carry our babies away. I would be afraid for not only him running into the road, but someone taking him - wildlife included!

That is a touchy problem. Why don't you buy Toby an exercise pen and ask them to put Toby inside it with his toys and dishes when he goes outside. It would be safer. Just tell them you would feel better knowing he's not roaming around on his own. Toby might feel his freedom has been cut a little short but he would be safer in the long run :).
Jackie & my :littleangSophie

If it were my dog, I would rather have him home alone than anywhere that he is not safely contained. Supervised play dates would be ok, but I swear I never let my dogs out of sight if they are not in a safely fenced area. Just my opinion. Better to be safe than sorry.

To be honest, I would prefer Toby stayed at home.

But they are quite persistant and will do their own thing. I know they wouldnt keep him in a pen etc. even if I asked.

But I just dont know how to say that he should stay at home without implying that they arent fit to look after him. They are just a lot more relaxed with their dogs than I am with Toby. Its a really awkward situation.

I am going to get another pup mid November, and I will keep it at home for a while cos it will be too small etc, so hopefully I can stop it then, but I am not comfortable waiting til then.

I think it would just look to them like I am overeacting - me who has had Toby for 4 months, or them who have had dogs for 25 - 30 years - I wonder who knows how to look after dogs better?

There would be no wildlife, but as I said, there is a school beside their house, and I dont know if the kids are near him, do they feed him, does he pick up their scraps of food?

Here in the states people steal yorkies. It is never a good idea to leave them out unattended.

I wouldn't send my dog there for all the tea in China. It only takes a heartbeat for something bad to happen and if there were the slightest chance that Toby might get hit by a car because they leave him out unattended...well, I wouldn't do it. I would just tell them that he's big enough to stay at home now and thank you so much for all you did for him.

Can anyone suggest a diplomatic or inoffensive way of saying that Toby needs to watched a bit closer until I can get the new pup, and then I will keep both at home and say that 4 dogs is too much for them to watch everyday.

You are not being overly protective, you are being appropriately concerned for the safety of your beloved pet. They may have lucked out in their years of pet ownership, but you will never forgive yourself or them if something happens to your little one. It is just not right to let him roam.

Keep him home, and soon enough he will have the company of your new pup.

I understand. My mom & stepdad live out in the 'country' with 3 acres of their own land, and 90 acres of farmland behind us (you can see the big fields in my youtube videos) They always had their dog Carmen just out and loose, she was a "country" dog but two months ago... my stepdad accidentally ran her over with his car and she died. Now they realize how things can happen and are much more overprotective of Jackson than they used to be because of what happened to Carmen. Now I trust them to take care of Jackson but previously... they'd do the same thing, just let him out without watching. I will let him off leash when I'm there but I watch him like a hawk and I know nobody else watches him like I do. I think I would just tell your mom that Toby will be fine by himself during the day and you want him to get used to it since you may be getting a new pup soon.

What if you spun it in another direction? Making it so that its you and not them? Focusing on how you worry that taking care of Toby takes away from her reflexology work, and you'd feel better if he just stayed home for a while because you feel like you're taking advantage of them? You could also interject that since you're looking to get another puppy who'd have to stay at home for a while, it would be nice if Toby got used to being in the house alone. This way when you do get your puppy Toby is already comfortable and he won't have anxiety while you're gone with a new puppy in the house... and that you'd like it if the puppy "wasn't alone" as well.

Just tell them that you would prefer your dog be an indoor dog. That's all.

That wouldnt work. Toby is far from an indoor dog. He just loves being outside, running through grass, digging holes...being a dog!!

I would just tell them the truth...that you're afraid something bad may happen to your pup when he's out and about and that you're going to try keeping him at home. I know you're trying to spare their feelings....but think of your feelings if something awful happens?

Are you saying you still want him to be at their house, but for them to watch him closer? That's tricky, especially if it's family and free dog sitting.

Toby is adorable by the way. He is also very young and probably not neutered yet, and is in his learning/discovery/training age. Too much freedom to roam now will also establish an undesirable habit now that will make things more difficult in the future. I truly feel he would be better at home. If you insist on keeping him at your aunts, buy some kind of temp fence or large pen and ask that he only be allowed outside IN it.

You have already experienced the heartbreak of losing little Millie, please don't take any chances on losing another precious furbaby. I wouldn't worry so much about being diplomatic, just speak your concerns from your heart, and above all protect Toby. Surely your aunt will understand you are being a good dog mommy.

If he was being watched properly, then he would probably be better there than being at home all day on his own. I will say to her that I am very nervous about him being out on his own, and then I will keep him and the new pup at home when I get it.

I would simply tell them that your pup has become allergic to fleas and that they vet reccommended you keep him in doors for now.
Think of it this way, you are trying not to offend them now; but how are you going to do that when your pup has been allowed to go outside by himself and is stolen? I think the time for being diplomatic is over. Keep your pup safe inside your own house.

I agree with dame I think that is a great way to not hurt anyones feelings and having him used to being at home before the puppy comes will help the puppy adjust better with a little friend to look up to LOL

:thumbup::thumbup:...waaaaaaaaaaay too dangerous!!

Sounds like Jacskon!! He is a TOTAL 100% dog! lol. Loves the outdoors and would prefer to stay outside all day.

Relatives
 

Honey, there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to stand up for their own principles; whether it's whom you marry, how you raise your children or how the dog is monitored. Don't let the fear of hurt feelings lead to a sad end for your dog. Be very nice but firm.

How about some pyschological mumbo jumbo that you learned that Toby needs to spend at least 7-8 weeks inside your house by himself to establish territorial bonds and boundaries before the new puppy arrives, in order for his acceptance of the new puppy to be as smooth as possible. Otherwise it will much harder, and he may hate the new puppy and it would be your fault...yada yada yada. The weirder you make yourself sound the less they'll suspect that they are the problem, and just roll their eyes and accept that there you go being 'odd' and babying your little dog, yet again.

We know that 7-8 weeks thing is crap, but, hey, it sounds good....

Are their dogs Yorkies? I think not or you would have stated that fact. I don't want to sound mean, but THIS IS YOUR WAKE UP CALL! Everyone here has given you good advice, but so far you deny it. I fear that you will make the wrong choice and leave your dog with your relatives just to keep the peace. Is that worth losing him? Is it? Please, please, please listen. There are 50000+ members here at YT, the majority of which would advise you to keep your dog at your own home for the 3 days a week you are at work. 10000 of which have owned Yorkies for longer than 30 years or so, which works out to be 30000 years of Yorkie owner experience! (at least).

You have stated your fear for his safety. Your mum has alerted you at least once that your pup's whereabouts were unknown by the people you trusted to care for him in your absense. These feelings and situations are red flags! Do not ignore what you know and feel.

Yorkies are different than other dogs. People do not realize this until something happens. They cannot ever be left to fend for themselves, in any situation.

Your choices are:

1. Explain exactly how you want your dog cared for and offer them compensation so they understand that you are serious about your demands. If they hesitate or argue, explain that 50000 of your friends who own Yorkies have advised you to insist these changes be made immediately. If they cannot or won't do as you ask, politely thank them for their help and tell them you must keep him at home from now on, you really don't have any choice in the matter.

2. Tell them that your circumstances have changed, thank them for their help and tell them that their services for daycare are no longer needed. Your pup will be on a new schedule at home to help prepare for the new pup's arrival, and that you appreciate their interest but it must be this way.

3. Make up something that you feel comfortable with and that they will understand and not be offended by, and keep your dog at home. And if it's alright with them, you would bring him over for playdates on the weekends ....

4. I know this probably sounds rediculous and silly, but I consulted a Yorkshire Terrier Psychologist/Behaviorist/Trainer and I am choosing to follow their recommendations for keeping my dog at home during the week. He needs to learn to be on his own at times when I am at work and to further his development, I am putting him on a new schedule... Thank you for taking care of him for me and we could still stop by for a playdate each week or so...

5. After the loss of your first dog, you have become totally neurotic and prefer at this point in your life to keep your dog at home because you are worried about him going off and getting into trouble on his own. The stress of it all is becoming too much for you to bear and you hope they understand, but that you will be keeping him at home from now on.


If they choose to be offended, they will get over it in time. You, on the other hand, will have a much harder time getting over the loss of a 2nd dog as a result of a decision you couldn't make for fear of hurting someone's feelings. I know it's important for you and that you know in your heart what you need to do, or you wouldn't have asked us for help. It is hard dealing with relatives and emotions. But your little dog needs you to help make him safe, to keep him out of harm's way. And you are the only one that can help him. So, please do it now, tell them he'll be staying home because you love him and need him to be safe all the time and that you could never forgive yourself if something were to happen to him...

I wouldn't trust them to be vigilant, even if they say they will. They'll figure what you don't know won't hurt you, and that with their vast experience they know better than you. Even if you buy an xpen and ask them to put him in it when outside, they probably won't and think they are doing Toby a favor. Kinda like grandparents that sneak candy to the grandkids when mom and dad aren't looking...they'll mean well, but your Toby could pay the price with his life.

If you love Toby, then you have to consider his very life more important then your relative's feelings.

I think I would just insist he is fine on his own at home. if you take your dog there even one more time it could be the time he gets hurt. You will never forgive yourself for not going with your instinks. Do you care so much about what they think that you would risk your dog's well being? You have to tell your self you are going to do what is right for you and your dog.

Heres' my thought on this. Maybe they really don't want to watch your dog but don't want to offend you by saying no so they sound insistant on wanting to do it. Since they really don't seem to worry about where he's at or no where he is that says alot to me. Out of sight out of mind. Maybe you insisting is what they need to get out of having to watch him all of the time.
I'd just call the moring your supposed to take him and say he's not feeling well and your keeping him at home. I'd tell them that he may have gotten into something that didn't agree with him while being out on his own and your keeping him home so you can keep him out of whatever it was he got into in the first place. He's your dog and it's up to you to take controll. You can't let everyone call the shots for you and put your little ones life at risk. If they love you they shouldn't have a problem with the way you choose to be with your own dog.

If you think it is hard to stand up to family with your baby yorkie, just WAIT until you have kids! Think of it that way, what if it was your human baby and you knew in the depths of your heart he was in danger...loved, but still in danger wouldn't you go to the moon and back to protect him? Even if it meant hurt feelings?

I think you already know what WONT work, which is asking them to do things differently therefore you need to know that you are his voice and even though they mean him no harm it is just not in his best interest staying there.

I would just tell them how grateful you are for letting him stay, but have ready many horrible stories where yorkies are stolen, eaten things that harm them etc and even though they probably think you are being over protective you would just feel better keeping him home where for now where you can have your mom check on him etc. I myself would not even go into what they are doing wrong since to them that is just how they take care of your dogs (unless the specfically ask you why), I would just say above, thanks much for all the help I have become a nervous nelly/worry wart and need to know he is home safe for the time being.