Desparate for an answer

[shelbysmom]

http://www.cesarmillaninc.com/

Maybe he can help? Lots of info on his shows and website.

[LilyOfTheValley]

I live in a Dallas suburb in a "55 and better" community. Some folks here are in wheelchairs, but they have their dogs and take them out for walks -- lots of people have dogs here. The "senior" communities usually have elevators, and there are all sorts of services you can get to help out. One gentleman here has an aide for 8 hours a week, and a nurse three times a week. The aide does light housekeeping and takes him grocery shopping, or will do the shopping herself if he is not up to it. The best part is you are in a community of people who are generally from your generation, so you are with people you have something in common with. There are more singles than couples, and there are lots of social activities and clubs and inhouse entertainment. The apartment community bus takes people to the various stores and supermarkets and local doctors each week, and there are special trips to museums and plays and other events, plus the senior center is a few blocks away. We are also on the bus line, and the bus will come into the gated premises if anyone needs to see a doctor in Dallas (we have excellent medical facilities here with all the teaching hospitals). The residents are very helpful toward those here who need assistance. My husband and I are in the younger end of the spectrum here, so we lend a hand when someone is in need. I volunteer to walk dogs when the owners cannot, and I will also baby sit when they need to go out. There are a lot of people who will do this, especially for a cute Yorkie

You should think about this type of community for yourself. The one we're in is for low to moderate income. There are also a couple of really nice, newer complexes in the area that cater to people with more income/assets and are top of the line. Several provide chef-prepred meals three times a day if you want. You can do a lot of searching on the internet.

So if you have the resources, you are not stuck in this nightmare you're in now. Just be sure to get an elder-care attorney on your side, so no one can have you declared incompetent just to get at your money. This happens in the nicest families, and it even happened in my own family.

One more word of advice/caution -- don't tell anyone what you're doing until you see that attorney. You don't want to show your hand and give anyone time to prevent you from doing what you need to do. Also, if you share the computer you use, and even if you don't, make sure you erase the sites you've visited so no one sees what you've written here.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately.

[sweetr72]

Originally Posted by LilyOfTheValley

I live in a Dallas suburb in a "55 and better" community. Some folks here are in wheelchairs, but they have their dogs and take them out for walks -- lots of people have dogs here. The "senior" communities usually have elevators, and there are all sorts of services you can get to help out. One gentleman here has an aide for 8 hours a week, and a nurse three times a week. The aide does light housekeeping and takes him grocery shopping, or will do the shopping herself if he is not up to it. The best part is you are in a community of people who are generally from your generation, so you are with people you have something in common with. There are more singles than couples, and there are lots of social activities and clubs and inhouse entertainment. The apartment community bus takes people to the various stores and supermarkets and local doctors each week, and there are special trips to museums and plays and other events, plus the senior center is a few blocks away. We are also on the bus line, and the bus will come into the gated premises if anyone needs to see a doctor in Dallas (we have excellent medical facilities here with all the teaching hospitals). The residents are very helpful toward those here who need assistance. My husband and I are in the younger end of the spectrum here, so we lend a hand when someone is in need. I volunteer to walk dogs when the owners cannot, and I will also baby sit when they need to go out. There are a lot of people who will do this, especially for a cute Yorkie

You should think about this type of community for yourself. The one we're in is for low to moderate income. There are also a couple of really nice, newer complexes in the area that cater to people with more income/assets and are top of the line. Several provide chef-prepred meals three times a day if you want. You can do a lot of searching on the internet.

So if you have the resources, you are not stuck in this nightmare you're in now. Just be sure to get an elder-care attorney on your side, so no one can have you declared incompetent just to get at your money. This happens in the nicest families, and it even happened in my own family.

One more word of advice/caution -- don't tell anyone what you're doing until you see that attorney. You don't want to show your hand and give anyone time to prevent you from doing what you need to do. Also, if you share the computer you use, and even if you don't, make sure you erase the sites you've visited so no one sees what you've written here.

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk privately.

Terrific posting!!

[MaxwellHouse]

What a great post, LilyoftheValley!!!!

You should read and re-read her advice, it's brilliant.

You need to use your assets (forget about calling it the kid's inheritance) to live a quality life that your husband would have wanted.

[93kathy10]

Thak you so much for your wise advice. I am reading and re-reading and re-reading this thread and I so appreciate having someone on my side!

Yesterday Molly was in her kennel and one of the grandkids' friends walked by. Molly ran out barking (she was connected to the kennel by leash so she couldn't hurt anyone) and I hollared at her loudly MOLLY, N0! and she stopped DEAD in her tracks to the point that she actually slid about 3 feet on the wood floor! She turned around and slunk back to her kennel. Now - I think that's progress, don't you? I just had to laugh she looked so funny!

We are also practicing NILIF - Nothing In Life Is Free. That means that I don't give her anything until she "earns" it by sitting or doing another of her commands. This seems to be working well. I think she is actually getting more mellow and affectionate as I am taking over as her Alpha.

Again, Many thanks! YorkieTalk people are great!
Kathy

[Yorkieville200]

Kathy,

That's great news! I promise you, Yorkies are so smart, Molly will learn very quickly what you expect of her.

I'll tell you a funny story. Sunday morning, I called my girls to do topknots & eyes. I told them I was taking them 'bye-bye'. Well, they normally get so excited when they hear those words. But, this particular morning, neither of them came to me.

I called them several times and then said 'nuts with it'.

Hubby & I went out later in the morning, and both my babies came running, expecting to come along. I said, "No, young ladies, neither of you came to get ready when I called you this morning, so you're staying home".

Well, yesterday morning, I said "topknots" and here comes my babies as fast as their little legs could carry them. They remembered the day before that they stayed home.

I've had Yorkies for 26 years, and I'll tell you, they're the smartest little creatures.

Congratulations on the progress and keep up the good work!

Sheila

[mypreciouspups]

Originally Posted by Yorkieville200

Dee,

I have to say, I agree with you. I think the DIL is using the Yorkie as a scapegoat. She can't say straight out she doesn't want her MIL living with them. If Kathy gives up her baby, her DIL will only find something else to complain about.

I think, before the relations become anymore strained, maybe they should check out some rentals for seniors/disabled as you said. A friend of mine in WA has a sister-in-law with MS. She is on government aid, has been able to stay in her own home and someone comes in cooks, cleans, does her laundry.

Help is out there. I hope Kathy comes back and reads this thread and learns there may be other options for her. I really hope she won't give up her baby.

Sheila

I agree that your DIL has a problem with your living with them and taking it out on the dog, she cannot hurt you in her mind as your son would see this. so she hurts you through your dog..
I always think this saying below is so true.

A daughter is a daughter the rest of her life
A son is a son until he takes a wife.

My mother always felt this, and I made sure that with my hubby, I remembered his feelings and that his parents were just that his parents and needed to be as respected as they should be.
Some woman can and do get very jealous of there MIL.

I think she needs a wake up call on her abuse to your molly. My heart goes out to you and her in the situation your in. I am sure there are other places to live for it sounds like you would be much happier and better off if you could find a place that will take your dog. I think I would rather live with your dog then you DIL.
And your son needs to hear how your heart is feeling and why you need the dog, and that someday he may find himself in a similar situation. That is when Karma comes into play.

I wish you were closer so I could give you a big hug right now.

pooh's mum

[SophieRose]

Checking on you and Molly; subscribing to thread to continue to be updated. I don't know your children, but Lily wrpte excellent advice. Please remember that you must always take care of yourself and worrying about leaving money following your death will rob you of living a full life.

Take care. Warmly, Deborah

[SophieRose]

Forgot to subscribe.

[Wylie's Mom]

Oh, gosh, my heart kinda broke a little reading about your situation - you sound so kind and loving - even to a DIL who threw food! I don't have any add'l advice that hasn't already been given. I sure wish you could live somewhere else, bc I'm not sure I'd trust the DIL with your furbaby. Another training book I'd recommned is by Tamar Gellar - she trains Oprah's dogs and uses positive reinforcement ONLY, which is nice. Good luck and lotsa hugs.

[yoyo27]

OMG not sure the DIL really goes for any of this. Sounds like a spoiled brat acting out. Does she do that with the kids? I think you and your dog went to the wrong place. Unless you get your DIL to understand control and how to act you need the trainer for her as well. Your dog will get even worse with out food that shouldn't be happening. Its a shame we have families that have all this trouble. I think training for the dog wouldn't hurt and a good ideal but the whole family has to be on board to make it work. You can't just have part of you. I say your son needs to be involved and see what is going. Does he ever say anything when she is acting out, meaning your DIL. He has to see you are already in a bad situation and taking your dog away won't help. The DIL will just take it out on someone else. Sorry for all you pain and heartache.

[For My Coby]

What a sad situation. I'm sure it's not easy for any of you, but your DIL sounds like she's either a horrible person or has more stress than she can manage. I give her the benefit of the doubt only because your son (raised and nurtured by you, a kind and caring person, chose her).

You've received lots of good advice and it sounds like you're working hard at the situation already. Just wanted to let you know that you'd be in my thoughts. Please let us know how things continue to go.

[LunasMomma]

You've already gotten a lot of terrific advice, I just wanted to add hugs and let you know that you are in my thoughts