My heart aches for you.
All that matters now is the great love you showed your darlings while they were alive. Love never dies. They carry that with them. It is part of them.
Try to concentrate on all the funny moments you had with them. Never bury memories. Memories are the bridge from one heart to another.
Don't be surprised if you see shadows zipping past you, or feel a warm rub around your ankles, or feel a thump on your bed. It's them saying hello, saying they are still there, saying they love you. You will dream good dreams about them, very soon.
The guilt is part of grieving. The what could I have done, the what should I have done. This feeling is normal, but please don't dwell on it. In time, it will lessen, in time you will accept that this happened for a reason, a reason we can't understand just yet. In time, all you will remember is the sacred love between you and your babies. Give yourself the time.
Pray for strength and comfort. God will give it to you. At an unexpected time, God may call upon you to love yet another baby. And you will, and you'll do just fine. In fact, you'll do better. From each experience, good or bad, we learn. We learn to love, again and again.
From the ashes of your grief and loss, something wonderful will be built. Never lose hope. Never give in to the darkness. You were meant for something beautiful to happen to you after all your suffering. Life is a circle. The good will happen to you. Be strong, be ready.
Sending you love and good wishes. |