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Old 05-16-2015, 02:11 PM   #1
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Default Dementia has progressed & death is all around

Warning: I am gonna cry on your shoulder because I have no one else at the moment.

My Hanna has developed dementia as some of you know and I was told she shouldn't travel anymore but I had no choice. We live in Alabama and we got a call my mother in law was dying come quickly. So we did. We traveled in the same truck and took our RV to keep everything the same but Hanna acted like she had never traveled before.

Her pacing and crying and whining and having to stop, just broke my heart. It took a couple of days to get there and it was one of the worse trips I have ever had. I would hold her, and talk to her and pet her and get her calm down. This was not my baby girl.

Than my mother in law died so we had to go through all the funeral preps and services and all that follows and the trip home was just as bad.

Not even home yet I get a message they called in hospice for my 56 year old niece, her and I pretty much grew up together. She is dying. I am just sick at heart, with all this going on and I admit I am scared to death for Hanna.

I have had to hold in all these emotions for the last two weeks and now I feel like I am going to wither away. I am NOT a cryer and I am not one to talk to folks about my problems, but all I am doing is arguing with my husband and tearing up.

Maybe this will help. Thanks for listening.
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Old 05-16-2015, 02:29 PM   #2
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I kinda know what you're going through, my past little girl had dementia for over a year, how ever, I didn't have to travel like you have / had to. I wouldn't take her out of the house because she would get confused. When I would go out the neighbors told me she howled all day. She did this because she was afraid of being alone when dementia set in. She became very sick at age 17 y/o, I had no choice but to let her go. I was devastated. You have to make the best choice you can, It's very traumatic I know, I will keep you in my prayers to give you strength to get you through this. (((HUGS)))
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Old 05-16-2015, 02:31 PM   #3
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Oh boy life sure has dealt you a hand this time around. I am so sorry for these heart breaking losses.
You can cry offload rant and rail all you like here - we are purty good listeners.


Is it possible to keep Hanna home when you visit your neice? Maybe with hubby - probably best for her and you too!


Giving some big hugs to you (((((( )))))))))
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Old 05-16-2015, 02:52 PM   #4
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You poor, poor thing. I hurt reading your post. Hold on - life gets bleak and awfully dark at times but somehow we find the courage and strength to keep going - if only a bit at a time. Mostly it's through our faith, our family and friends that we find the grit to go on somehow when everything seems empty and we've nothing left. But through all that pain and loss, we find out that all we need to do is grieve as we feel the need, get through the next hour - and then the next. Don't think beyond that. Let the pain come out through tears or however it needs to when you feel like it.

Don't think beyond that but just manage as you can to reach out to your dear niece, say the things you've always wanted to if you can and get yourself and Hanna through this hour by hour. I'm sure the vet has given you a plan for how to manage her during times of crisis and if not, ask him for a plan to see you through if you need it.

So many people go through terrible, tragic times like this and somehow we all make it, even when we know we can't do it and give up hope life will ever feel good again. It will but giving love asks a price of each of us when the time comes, there is nothing left to do but pay it and give up our loved ones as we must. Don't worry, know we will see them all again one day. But until that time, we mange to go on in their name, to live to honor them somehow. No one has a map for these times - we all just feel our way through with the help we can find by reaching out and blurting out our troubles and distress, asking for help as we need it, taking solace wherever you can find it. Call your minister, a counselor or dear friend to chat if you need a friendly, warm voice as that always seems to help when it gets darkest. Any time you feel like it, post here and always find a waiting friend, eager to help in any way. God bless and keep you all the way through this deep valley. You will make it through. You will because we'll help you. Here's a (((hug))) from a YorkieTalk sister.
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Old 05-16-2015, 04:35 PM   #5
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I am so very sorry you are being thrown so many hard life issues at the same time. Its absolutely normal to grieve and cry for each one of the things you have happening. Watching your beloved little pet is so so hard. I will send prayers for you and your loved ones, during this brutally difficult time. I'd give you huge hug if I could.....take things one at a time, a day or minute at a time. Try to be grateful and remember all the beautiful loving times you've had...it still hurts though....i know. You are in my thoughts.
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Old 05-17-2015, 01:47 AM   #6
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Sorry life is throwing you a tremendous number of difficult times, deaths of friends and family are the worst. I've lost a few this last year and it sucks.

If I might add, take a look at what starts the arguments. He is hurting too and needs some extra leniency at this time. Think about the arguments, what started it, is it really worth arguing over at this time. It may or may not be, IDK. It doesn't matter one iota who started it. Search out info or someone to talk to about grieving, for you, for your husband. He may not be receptive to it, that's ok, just learn some tools... for yourself. Find something that brings you some peace. That will be better for you and your husband who's mother has just died. You need each other to get through this. Put some effort in there to reduce the arguing. It's not helping.

It's not easy to find solace during difficult times, you gotta work at finding it.
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Old 05-17-2015, 04:57 AM   #7
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I am so sorry I just let loose like I did yesterday. But I can tell by your responses you all understand. Immediately upon writing that I began praying and than went out and apologized to my husband. Yes he is hurting also. We have been married 45 years this coming Aug and this is not the first bumps in the road for us.

But of course he doesn't feel the same about Hanna as I do although he has always been good to her.

Last night I let her out and when she came back in she got half way up the steps and just stopped and starred at me. I called her up but she wouldn't move, just looked at me, like "what am I suppose to do now?" I didn't dare go down to her cuz she looked like she was about to flee (our yard is fenced she couldn't go anyplace) but her back legs don't work so well and I was afraid she would try to back off and run and fall and hurt herself. Finally I went back in the house and stood by the door where she couldn't see me and she came on up the porch. I opened the door and she came in as if nothing unusual had happened.

I am going to take her into the vet this week and see how her heart is and talk to her about Hannas progress and what I should be doing. I read somewhere awhile back that I should write down five things Hanna loves and when you have to mark off three of those things it is time to let go. Well yesterday I had to mark off traveling. (I admit I'm not sure I could ever let go but this gives me an idea of her progress) I have also been keeping a journal on her progress cuz sometimes you forget things. I learned this when my daughter was in a near fatal car accident.

I can leave her here when I need to go she is still quite comfortable at home. She is really never alone as I have Tiffany also but I wouldn't be gone for long.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm not as bad today but of course we will get through this, I am very happy to have you here.
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Old 05-17-2015, 11:34 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LindaLS View Post
I am so sorry I just let loose like I did yesterday. But I can tell by your responses you all understand. Immediately upon writing that I began praying and than went out and apologized to my husband. Yes he is hurting also. We have been married 45 years this coming Aug and this is not the first bumps in the road for us.

But of course he doesn't feel the same about Hanna as I do although he has always been good to her.

Last night I let her out and when she came back in she got half way up the steps and just stopped and starred at me. I called her up but she wouldn't move, just looked at me, like "what am I suppose to do now?" I didn't dare go down to her cuz she looked like she was about to flee (our yard is fenced she couldn't go anyplace) but her back legs don't work so well and I was afraid she would try to back off and run and fall and hurt herself. Finally I went back in the house and stood by the door where she couldn't see me and she came on up the porch. I opened the door and she came in as if nothing unusual had happened.

I am going to take her into the vet this week and see how her heart is and talk to her about Hannas progress and what I should be doing. I read somewhere awhile back that I should write down five things Hanna loves and when you have to mark off three of those things it is time to let go. Well yesterday I had to mark off traveling. (I admit I'm not sure I could ever let go but this gives me an idea of her progress) I have also been keeping a journal on her progress cuz sometimes you forget things. I learned this when my daughter was in a near fatal car accident.

I can leave her here when I need to go she is still quite comfortable at home. She is really never alone as I have Tiffany also but I wouldn't be gone for long.

Thank you all for the encouragement. I'm not as bad today but of course we will get through this, I am very happy to have you here.

You never need to apologize for sharing your grief here! We are a board that supports one another in this aching time.


You should read how myself and many have shared the agonizing loss of our dogs and human loved ones and how we leaned on each other.


I think that marking 5 things that she loves do and then tracking that - is a reasoned way of looking at things. But sometimes our hearts do not respond to reason as well as our brain does. So if your heart speaks up and gives you a clear message - don't fret if she has not reached a magic number of 3! I would say listen to your heart.


When our young Zoey died - hubby and I knew it was likely coming - she had an aggressive cancer - and both of us said - we would not let her live in pain. And that Friday night - when arriving home after a meal out - we both knew it was now time! She so wanted to stay with us - I made her as comfortable as I could during that one night - and we had a magical time as a pack saying good-bye over and over again in the morning light. She spent the night in my arms - with healing touch and light surrounding her - (she also had pain killers too).


My advice is to lean on your Hanna. Yeah that's right - the last thing they will ever lose is the recognition of loves' touch. I know this very well. You both need each other more than ever now.


You see in the story you told - about recognizing Hannas' fear of moving forward - and you backing away - Lady that was the absolute bestest thing you could do for your loved one. I believe your heart guided you in this instinctive response. So trust in your heart.


Sending and giving more hugs and light to you and your family ((((( )))))
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