When one of us leaves... - YorkieTalk.com Forums

LuvBunni · 01-06-2006, 10:09 PM

We recently got Bunni, in October. She's good when we both leave our apartment, sometimes she cries but gets over it fairly fast. But when just one of us leaves and the other is with her, she cries and scratches at the door for at least 30 minutes, sometimes more. When I'm home with her and my boyfriend leaves (this could be for even a quick run to throw out the trash down the hall), I will hold her and try to consol her but nothing seems to work. It is getting hard because she can be very vocal and our walls are not soundproof. I need some help to get her to be quiet. This happens EVERYtime one of us leaves. Sometimes its not even when we leave the apartment, when we go to the bathroom or close the bedroom door. Does anyone have any suggestions on getting her to calm down when one of us leaves?

SoCalyorkiLvr · 01-06-2006, 10:18 PM

I am not a professional dog trainer but I watch a lot of The Dog Whisperer and what he asserts is the need to be the pack Leader and be assertive with the dog so the dog doesn't have to take on the role of the dominant one in the relationship.

I think he would tell the one that is still with the dog when the other one leaves is not to show it any affection at all but rather to assert your dominance over the dog by putting it on a firm lead and placing yourself between the front door and the dog and saying Shhhhoosh and slowly backing the dog up and encouraging the dog not to bark.

When you coddle the dog and try to make it feel okay about the other person being gone, the dog cannot relax and become "calm submissive" and he remains anxious. The way to get calm sumission is by calm, assertive dominance. You have to be calm and relaxed when you practice this.

I would recommend watching the show if you don't already. It has helped me with training my dogs tremendously...it is all about dog psychology, not human psychology.

Good luck.

Yorkie Mum · 01-06-2006, 10:19 PM

Stop consoling her first off.
Try using a Kong even for a short trip to the trash.
Fill it with peanut butter and freeze it.
Every time you leave toss it on the floor and let her chew away.
This is hoping she likes Kong and Peanut butter.
When you come back in take it away with a different treat like a cookie and out it in the freezer for the next trip to the trash.
I would go in and out all day long about an hour apart till she gets good things come when one person leaves.

The other thing you can try is go to the door. if she calm treat that.
walk back and sit down.
Then go back to the door touch the handle . if calm treat that.
Have the one leaving do the treats.
then open the door. calm treat.
open step out and in. treat that.
And on and on till you can get to the trash and back in peace.
at any time she whines ignore go back to the step she was last calm at and work that for around 5 to 10 times.
This will take a few days maybe week and should be done very slowly.

Joy

orinskye · 01-06-2006, 11:06 PM

yeah, what they said...... let the brat whine.....lol (i mean that nicely.. because i had a brat that did the SAME thing except he only did it when i left... and we live in an apartment with thin walls as well)...
We ignored him and told him "NO" in a stern voice and walked away (and not allowing eye contact) ..... as he got older her realized we were coming back, but when they are babies they dont know that just yet... they mostly know that their meal ticket and love ticket just walked out the door

distraction is ok, but you being the "alpha" is what is really needed. I think that this is crucial in training because if they walk all over you now they will continue to do so later when they get bigger (and it is not so cute then)

FirstYorkie · 01-07-2006, 05:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yorkie Mum

Stop consoling her first off.
Try using a Kong even for a short trip to the trash.
Fill it with peanut butter and freeze it.
Every time you leave toss it on the floor and let her chew away.
This is hoping she likes Kong and Peanut butter.
When you come back in take it away with a different treat like a cookie and out it in the freezer for the next trip to the trash.
I would go in and out all day long about an hour apart till she gets good things come when one person leaves.

The other thing you can try is go to the door. if she calm treat that.
walk back and sit down.
Then go back to the door touch the handle . if calm treat that.
Have the one leaving do the treats.
then open the door. calm treat.
open step out and in. treat that.
And on and on till you can get to the trash and back in peace.
at any time she whines ignore go back to the step she was last calm at and work that for around 5 to 10 times.
This will take a few days maybe week and should be done very slowly.

Joy

Excellent advice, Joy!

That's exactly what I would recommend - teach your pup that good things happen when someone leaves!

I personally don't think that a puppy crying because one of his masters has left is an indication that he is "walking all over you". I think just the opposite - that the puppy is in distress. I agree that comforting is not the way to go (& it's not working anyway, right?). I do think that Joy's advice to desensitize and teach him that good things happen when people leave will work.

LuvBunni · 01-07-2006, 04:00 PM

Thanks for all the advice. My only concern is I've tried to distract her with toys and treats and it only works until she's done eating the treat or even on her chew toys. She's a year old and the people we got her from didn't train her AT ALL. She wasn't potty trained (we've finally got her somewhat potty trained by locking her in the kitchen every 2 hours), she doesn't even know the word "no". Which of course makes it VERY difficult. Everytime we say no she thinks we're playing with her and she just barks at us like its a game. I've tried squirting her with water and saying no but she just thinks its fun. I just can't seem to discipline her, or distract her when we leave. So I'm kind of lost, I'm used to dealing with young puppies or dogs who are older...she's kind of in the middle.

LIL MIS' MAGIC · 01-07-2006, 04:14 PM

I would tell you try the Kong toy....this will keep her busy for more than just a min. I would also try having a treat with you and when you or your bf comes back through the door giving her a treat. This will help teach her that it is okay that people leave...

As far as other training goes, you have to stay constant. Just because she is older doesn't mean she can't learn, it will just take her longer. I would find a good book on training, the Dog Whisper is a great one, and take the time to put some of their advice to work. She can and will learn if you help to teach her....

Yorkie Mum · 01-07-2006, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuvBunni

Thanks for all the advice. My only concern is I've tried to distract her with toys and treats and it only works until she's done eating the treat or even on her chew toys. She's a year old and the people we got her from didn't train her AT ALL. She wasn't potty trained (we've finally got her somewhat potty trained by locking her in the kitchen every 2 hours), she doesn't even know the word "no". Which of course makes it VERY difficult. Everytime we say no she thinks we're playing with her and she just barks at us like its a game. I've tried squirting her with water and saying no but she just thinks its fun. I just can't seem to discipline her, or distract her when we leave. So I'm kind of lost, I'm used to dealing with young puppies or dogs who are older...she's kind of in the middle.

I was taught that dogs mature out
physically at one.
socially and two
and mentally at Three
You have tons of time to retrain. Put her on a clicker and watch her light up.
Clicker is a fast and any age dog gets it. Sour ones that are bored or have quit training the old way come to life as you are asking them to use the brain God gave them to use.
We all tend to over think for our dogs.

I got my girl at 9 months and we are talking unsocialized and scared of the world. She was come a long way.
Toss out the word No and the squirt bottle.
Check out Click for Joy by Melissa Alexander.
It is a good starter clicker book.
I would also check out clicker solutions on line at some of their training thoughts. http://www.clickersolutions.com/articles/index.htm
That link is to all the training articles.
http://www.clickersolutions.com/articles/2002/sa.htm Tis one is on separation anxiety.
I also look at The Culture Clash by Jean Donaldson or Outwitting Dogs by
Terry Ryan.
By the way when I said "Stop consoling her first off." I meant this because you are teaching her something is wrong and she should be stressed if you chill and ignore or toss her a alternative then she sees she does not have to worry so much.

Joy

FirstYorkie · 01-08-2006, 02:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LuvBunni

...I've tried squirting her with water and saying no but she just thinks its fun. I just can't seem to discipline her, or distract her when we leave. ..

What is she doing that requires discipline?

Hopefully, you aren't trying to discipline her for whining when one of you leaves. If so, please stop. You are adding to her stress.

You've been given some excellent suggestions. A filled Kong (especially if frozen) will last for quite some time. I suggest that you use that for longer absences while, at the same time, desensitizing her to the leaving process as Joy (Yorkie Mum) suggested. I'll summarize that process again for you:

Get your shoes on (or get your keys or whatever you do before leaving that cues her she's about to be left). If she's okay with that, give her a treat and go back to what you were doing. Repeat several times.

Now, do the above and go to the door. If she's calm, treat that. Walk back and sit down. Repeat.

Then go back to the door touch the handle. If calm, treat that. Repeat.

Next, open the door. Calm? treat. Go back and sit down. Repeat.

Next, open the door, step out and immediately come back in. Treat that. Repeat.

Continue gradually increasing until you can get to the trash and back with her remaining calm. Treat. Repeat.

Any time that she whines, ignore her whining. A little while later, go back a couple of steps and work on that for around 5 to 10 times.

Proceed very slowly! Repeat each step over and over before advancing.

While you are working on this, use the filled Kong when you actually have to leave. You might also see if you can find some DAP spray which is supposed to be calming to dogs.

If, at any time, she starts whining again, do not discipline her. Just come back and ask for more help, okay?

01-06-2006, 10:09 PM	#1
LuvBunni Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 42	When one of us leaves... We recently got Bunni, in October. She's good when we both leave our apartment, sometimes she cries but gets over it fairly fast. But when just one of us leaves and the other is with her, she cries and scratches at the door for at least 30 minutes, sometimes more. When I'm home with her and my boyfriend leaves (this could be for even a quick run to throw out the trash down the hall), I will hold her and try to consol her but nothing seems to work. It is getting hard because she can be very vocal and our walls are not soundproof. I need some help to get her to be quiet. This happens EVERYtime one of us leaves. Sometimes its not even when we leave the apartment, when we go to the bathroom or close the bedroom door. Does anyone have any suggestions on getting her to calm down when one of us leaves?

01-06-2006, 10:19 PM	#3
Yorkie Mum YT Addict Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Somewhere land Posts: 364	Stop consoling her first off. Try using a Kong even for a short trip to the trash. Fill it with peanut butter and freeze it. Every time you leave toss it on the floor and let her chew away. This is hoping she likes Kong and Peanut butter. When you come back in take it away with a different treat like a cookie and out it in the freezer for the next trip to the trash. I would go in and out all day long about an hour apart till she gets good things come when one person leaves. The other thing you can try is go to the door. if she calm treat that. walk back and sit down. Then go back to the door touch the handle . if calm treat that. Have the one leaving do the treats. then open the door. calm treat. open step out and in. treat that. And on and on till you can get to the trash and back in peace. at any time she whines ignore go back to the step she was last calm at and work that for around 5 to 10 times. This will take a few days maybe week and should be done very slowly. Joy Last edited by Yorkie Mum; 01-06-2006 at 10:23 PM.

01-07-2006, 04:14 PM	#7
LIL MIS' MAGIC Yorkie Lover Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Midlothian, Texas Posts: 4,111 Blog Entries: 3	I would tell you try the Kong toy....this will keep her busy for more than just a min. I would also try having a treat with you and when you or your bf comes back through the door giving her a treat. This will help teach her that it is okay that people leave... As far as other training goes, you have to stay constant. Just because she is older doesn't mean she can't learn, it will just take her longer. I would find a good book on training, the Dog Whisper is a great one, and take the time to put some of their advice to work. She can and will learn if you help to teach her.... __________________ Kristin, Mom to: Yorkies Lil Mis Magic & Sailor and Silkies Captain & Heaven

01-06-2006, 10:18 PM	#2
SoCalyorkiLvr BANNED! Join Date: Mar 2005 Posts: 8,246	I am not a professional dog trainer but I watch a lot of The Dog Whisperer and what he asserts is the need to be the pack Leader and be assertive with the dog so the dog doesn't have to take on the role of the dominant one in the relationship. I think he would tell the one that is still with the dog when the other one leaves is not to show it any affection at all but rather to assert your dominance over the dog by putting it on a firm lead and placing yourself between the front door and the dog and saying Shhhhoosh and slowly backing the dog up and encouraging the dog not to bark. When you coddle the dog and try to make it feel okay about the other person being gone, the dog cannot relax and become "calm submissive" and he remains anxious. The way to get calm sumission is by calm, assertive dominance. You have to be calm and relaxed when you practice this. I would recommend watching the show if you don't already. It has helped me with training my dogs tremendously...it is all about dog psychology, not human psychology. Good luck.

01-06-2006, 11:06 PM	#4
orinskye YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: California Posts: 2,990	yeah, what they said...... let the brat whine.....lol (i mean that nicely.. because i had a brat that did the SAME thing except he only did it when i left... and we live in an apartment with thin walls as well)... We ignored him and told him "NO" in a stern voice and walked away (and not allowing eye contact) ..... as he got older her realized we were coming back, but when they are babies they dont know that just yet... they mostly know that their meal ticket and love ticket just walked out the door distraction is ok, but you being the "alpha" is what is really needed. I think that this is crucial in training because if they walk all over you now they will continue to do so later when they get bigger (and it is not so cute then)

01-07-2006, 04:00 PM	#6
LuvBunni Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Chicago Posts: 42	Thanks for all the advice. My only concern is I've tried to distract her with toys and treats and it only works until she's done eating the treat or even on her chew toys. She's a year old and the people we got her from didn't train her AT ALL. She wasn't potty trained (we've finally got her somewhat potty trained by locking her in the kitchen every 2 hours), she doesn't even know the word "no". Which of course makes it VERY difficult. Everytime we say no she thinks we're playing with her and she just barks at us like its a game. I've tried squirting her with water and saying no but she just thinks its fun. I just can't seem to discipline her, or distract her when we leave. So I'm kind of lost, I'm used to dealing with young puppies or dogs who are older...she's kind of in the middle.