My Dad has Liver Cancer - YorkieTalk.com Forums

cynsir · 09-10-2009, 10:46 AM

My son called me about a month ago and told me, while crying on the phone, that Pops has cancer. He also wanted me to call Pops. I have been estranged from my father for about 2 years due to him beating me up after his 50th wedding anniversary. He was drunk, so was my mother so I refused to ride home with them. Dad got angry and started punching and choking me. When the bartender heard my crys and came to the door, Dad went and got in the van and went home. Never received an apology.

So here I am, haven't talked to him for over two years my 25 year old son is on the phone crying. I called my father and his first remark is "are you sure you want to talk to me". I said no, but my son on the East Coast is very very upset and I want to know what's going on so I can help my son.

Dad has a slow-growing tumor about 4 x 6 inches on his liver. They had run all the tests at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale AZ. The cancer has not spread and the biopsy ok'ed him for surgery. All we are waiting for is the date of the surgery.

My son is in the Air Force and has really been treated by my parents as there son. But there are times like this that I feel I need to step in. I told my father that I would rather he did not tell my son what date his surgery is. If Andy knew, he would be out there in a minute. I don't want him to be there alone with my mother if something happens in surgery. My father actually agreed with me. I think that the surgery will be within the next two weeks.

I guess I'm not worried about dad but I am about Andy. Three weeks ago he actually asked when I would be coming out to the East Coast. He wasn't really thinking right. He called me every night for two weeks. Now he's a little calmer and he seems to be making more sense in his discussions.

Is there something wrong with me that I really don't care about what happens to dad? I don't know.

ARCHIE · 09-10-2009, 10:59 AM

I am sorry things between you and your father have not been so good.
You certainly had every right to be hurt, mad and bitter. Now is the
perfect time to let your feelings not get in the way of doing what
you can to help.
It sounds like your father has a very good chance of surviving this.
You can live with only a small portion of the liver and if his is confined
to only a part of the liver and is slow growing that's a blessing.
Do what you can to keep peace at this time and it sounds like your
son needs you at this time as well.
You will feel better knowing you did your best to help in case anything
did happen to your Dad. Guilt can eat you alive and you don't want
that happening to you down the road. You've been through enough
already so just do what you can even if it's to help yourself get through
this.
Best wishes,

jeanm1963 · 09-10-2009, 11:07 AM

Hmmm, I know your probally very very angry by what your father did you to and you have every right to be, however after just finishing cancer treatments, it really does change your prospective on things..
Just ask yourself if there is anything you would like to say to your
dad incase something happens? Im sure your father is very very scared
right now, cancer is a very scary word and when you hear it and its about you
you think of death!! Each day turns into am I going to beat this, am I going to die... well at least it did for me!!
Remember if something does happen to your father you may regret it forever.
You dont have to " forgive" him for what he did, but perhaps it would be
nice to be there for him and your mom should something terrible happen.
None of us on here know the relationship between you and your parents so its hard to offer advise , however having seen so many people going through cancer treatments you would even have compassion for a complete stranger..
I hope things work out for your family , good luck

starr728 · 09-10-2009, 11:07 AM

My heart breaks as I read this, I do understand how you can be upset and I'm not here to judge that. Please though do what you can to make ammends with your father because later could be too late. I know there is something there for you to post this and we are all human so remember that yes your Dad did make a mistake but if you both can put that aside things could get better. If you wait it could be too late and grief can sometimes overcome a person it would be terrible to deal with not ever making ammends with your father, now while you have a chance do what you feel is right and pray about what you should do. I don't know all the situation just what you have written as I'm sure there is so much more that you have dealth with to have not spoke to your dad in 2 years. Just try to make peace with things and pray about what you should do. Take care and if you ever need to talk email anytime. Please take care and I will be praying for you and your family as you go through everything.

starr728 · 09-10-2009, 11:10 AM

Good posting!! I too went through a scare with cancer and it really forces you to feel different about everything you've done in life and I'm sure your Dad could use you back as his friend again and to have you both make ammends with what has happened right now especially...please take care and I'm praying for you and your Dad right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jeanm1963

Hmmm, I know your probally very very angry by what your father did you to and you have every right to be, however after just finishing cancer treatments, it really does change your prospective on things..
Just ask yourself if there is anything you would like to say to your
dad incase something happens? Im sure your father is very very scared
right now, cancer is a very scary word and when you hear it and its about you
you think of death!! Each day turns into am I going to beat this, am I going to die... well at least it did for me!!
Remember if something does happen to your father you may regret it forever.
You dont have to " forgive" him for what he did, but perhaps it would be
nice to be there for him and your mom should something terrible happen.
None of us on here know the relationship between you and your parents so its hard to offer advise , however having seen so many people going through cancer treatments you would even have compassion for a complete stranger..
I hope things work out for your family , good luck

starr728 · 09-10-2009, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARCHIE

I am sorry things between you and your father have not been so good.
You certainly had every right to be hurt, mad and bitter. Now is the
perfect time to let your feelings not get in the way of doing what
you can to help.
It sounds like your father has a very good chance of surviving this.
You can live with only a small portion of the liver and if his is confined
to only a part of the liver and is slow growing that's a blessing.
Do what you can to keep peace at this time and it sounds like your
son needs you at this time as well.
You will feel better knowing you did your best to help in case anything
did happen to your Dad. Guilt can eat you alive and you don't want
that happening to you down the road. You've been through enough
already so just do what you can even if it's to help yourself get through
this.
Best wishes,

cynsir · 09-10-2009, 01:31 PM

I didn't mention that my father has been an alcoholic on an off for 50 years. During those 50 years, as I'm sure you can imagine, he has said some pretty terrible things to me while intoxicated. He even interfered in the raising of my son. That's why my son and I moved when he was in 6th grade and I didn't come back until my son enlisted in the Air Force. But of course that didn't stop the phone calls at night from my father.

I know I'm suppose to forgive and forget, but some things you can't. I am talking to my father, in fact the first phone call I made to him he said 'are you sure you want to talk to me', I told him I had to because of my son. This is after Andy had told me a number of times prior to discovering he had cancer, that dad wanted to talk to me. I think that I am ambivalent about my dad. I more worried how my son is taking this. I do call once a week or after a treatment that I need information on in order to understand where things are for Andy. I need to know if Dad's going to tell him some bad news so that I can call Andy to let him talk things through. We aren't even going to tell Andy when the surgery is until it's over. I know that that might be considered wrong, but if something went bad during the surgery and Andy was there, I would want to be there for my son.

It's just complicated.

manolos mom · 09-10-2009, 03:15 PM

Cindy, Make your peace with him. Remember, YOU CAN FORGIVE BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO FORGET!!!

Baby Blessing · 09-11-2009, 08:44 PM

Dear Cindy, I want to share something that I had posted way back in 2006 which was on a thread for Fathers Day here on Yorkie Talk, after reading your post about your Dad I wanted to share my posting with you. I did try to send it by PM but it said you can't get PM's so there fore I feel God is leading me to copy and paste it here for you. I pray that things will go well for your Dad and his upcoming surgery, I also will be keeping you in my prayer Cindy that God will help you and your family be drawn together during this difficult time.

Life is so unpredictable, it certainly reminded us in June when Jack fell, life changes in the blink of an eye. I know the power of prayer is mighty and through God all things are possable.

I knew a lot of what you mentioned about the drinking problem, I recall all those horrible times, the beatings my Mother took the many times of Daddy being drunk and us kids suffered the hits from his fists while he was under the influence.

I believe God placed me in a situation that opened my eyes to do something to let my Daddy know what my heart felt, I know that one day my Daddy will place his arms around me and welcome me Home when it's my time to go there. I have found in my lifetime that sometimes the letting go of those unpleasant happenings allow for us to be able to reap the many blessings life can unfold before us, they are just right there waiting for us to grab hold of.

Keeping you in my prayers and sending you a big Hug.
Patti and Jack

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks Connie for helping me to find this posting to a thread that I made on 6-19-06 I really wanted to post it on Father's Day but was unable to find it.

Thankful I Wrote That Letter To My Dad
I am reminded of the letter I wrote to my Dad many years back, when as a child my parents divorced, I never really got to know my Dad and seldom seen him. In 1979 due to spinal fusion I was flat on my back for six weeks in the hospital, had so much time to think, I thought about him and that the life he was struggling through at that time, being an alcholic. I asked for a piece of paper and pen, I held it on my chest as I lay there and wrote him I wanted to share my love for the Lord and all that he had done for me, I told my Daddy that it wouldn't cost him anything just to give his heart to the Lord and the Lord would lead him through life in a happier way.

I didn't know until months later when my aunt called me and said, her brother, my Daddy had came to see her he had quit drinking and was living such a happy life. Later I got a call telling me he had cancer of the throat and had surgery, I got to talk to him but he had to speak through something to help others to understand what he was saying, we didn't get to talk but briefly and he said to me, "thank you for your letter, it helped to change my life and I know God has a plan for me, I love you." My Daddy passed away shortly after that.

I am so thankful that I wrote that letter, yes, the fusion was a living nightmare but I would have gladly gone through everything all over again because with God placing me there on my back, he enabled me to think and to write the letter to my Daddy.

In closing I would like to add if there is anyone that reads this and is in such a sitation to where maybe a letter to your Dad may help, all I can say is I am so thankful I wrote that to my Dad.

I truely want to wish all Dad's out there a wonderful Fathers Day. To ones that Dad's have gone on to a better place, hugs to each of you.

Patti (and Jack)

WV~Yorkies · 09-12-2009, 01:55 AM

I am sorry your Dad is not what he should be as a Dad. I am sorry he has cancer. Cancer can change a person. It is a terrible mean thing.

I lost my Dad 2 years on the 20th of this month to pancreatic cancer. I will never be the same. I miss and think of him everyday. He was a wonderful Dad and a great person. I am so angry. I don't see why it had to happen to him. Why couldn't it had been some Dad that does not care. Why mine that meant the world to me and I know I meant the world to him.

cynsir · 09-22-2009, 05:10 PM

I just heard from my dad and his cancer surgery is scheduled for Friday morning at 7 am. My cousin's wife is going up to Scottsdale on Thursday night to be with my mother on Friday morning, and her husband will be there on Friday afternoon.

I'm kinda numb, not feeling anything.

bailey12 · 09-23-2009, 05:01 AM

My father is also an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. I really don't have a relationship with him...not because he's an alcoholic, but because of things that have happened because he's an alcoholic. I'm at peace with my "non relationship" with him. I do not wish him ill and I hope he has peace in his life. I also desire the same for myself. If a relationship isn't there is isn't there, and I don't believe there is anything "wrong" with your feelings when it comes to your father, and have never understood how all of a sudden we are supposed to feel differently when someone is ill, has an accident, etc. Relationships are complicated and just because we are related biologically, we are not required, nor is it sometimes possible to be "close" to those who are "family". Do what you feel is right for you and your son....juliet

cynsir · 09-24-2009, 07:05 PM

Ok, tomorrow morning at 7 am, my father undergoes a 5 hour surgery to removed the cancer in his liver. I'm not worried for me or for him. My concern is my son. If anything goes wrong, my son will be devastated. So I guess I'm asking for your prayers at this time.

09-10-2009, 10:46 AM	#1
cynsir The 3 Musketeers Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cloquet, MN Posts: 738 Blog Entries: 1	My Dad has Liver Cancer My son called me about a month ago and told me, while crying on the phone, that Pops has cancer. He also wanted me to call Pops. I have been estranged from my father for about 2 years due to him beating me up after his 50th wedding anniversary. He was drunk, so was my mother so I refused to ride home with them. Dad got angry and started punching and choking me. When the bartender heard my crys and came to the door, Dad went and got in the van and went home. Never received an apology. So here I am, haven't talked to him for over two years my 25 year old son is on the phone crying. I called my father and his first remark is "are you sure you want to talk to me". I said no, but my son on the East Coast is very very upset and I want to know what's going on so I can help my son. Dad has a slow-growing tumor about 4 x 6 inches on his liver. They had run all the tests at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale AZ. The cancer has not spread and the biopsy ok'ed him for surgery. All we are waiting for is the date of the surgery. My son is in the Air Force and has really been treated by my parents as there son. But there are times like this that I feel I need to step in. I told my father that I would rather he did not tell my son what date his surgery is. If Andy knew, he would be out there in a minute. I don't want him to be there alone with my mother if something happens in surgery. My father actually agreed with me. I think that the surgery will be within the next two weeks. I guess I'm not worried about dad but I am about Andy. Three weeks ago he actually asked when I would be coming out to the East Coast. He wasn't really thinking right. He called me every night for two weeks. Now he's a little calmer and he seems to be making more sense in his discussions. Is there something wrong with me that I really don't care about what happens to dad? I don't know. __________________ Cindy and Misty and Mazie and Cassie Max (3/31/08 - 6/1/09)

09-10-2009, 11:07 AM	#3
jeanm1963 Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Weymouth, Ma Posts: 2,584	Hmmm, I know your probally very very angry by what your father did you to and you have every right to be, however after just finishing cancer treatments, it really does change your prospective on things.. Just ask yourself if there is anything you would like to say to your dad incase something happens? Im sure your father is very very scared right now, cancer is a very scary word and when you hear it and its about you you think of death!! Each day turns into am I going to beat this, am I going to die... well at least it did for me!! Remember if something does happen to your father you may regret it forever. You dont have to " forgive" him for what he did, but perhaps it would be nice to be there for him and your mom should something terrible happen. None of us on here know the relationship between you and your parents so its hard to offer advise , however having seen so many people going through cancer treatments you would even have compassion for a complete stranger.. I hope things work out for your family , good luck __________________ I Support http://www.yorkiesinc.com/

09-10-2009, 11:07 AM	#4
starr728 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: KY Posts: 156	My heart breaks as I read this, I do understand how you can be upset and I'm not here to judge that. Please though do what you can to make ammends with your father because later could be too late. I know there is something there for you to post this and we are all human so remember that yes your Dad did make a mistake but if you both can put that aside things could get better. If you wait it could be too late and grief can sometimes overcome a person it would be terrible to deal with not ever making ammends with your father, now while you have a chance do what you feel is right and pray about what you should do. I don't know all the situation just what you have written as I'm sure there is so much more that you have dealth with to have not spoke to your dad in 2 years. Just try to make peace with things and pray about what you should do. Take care and if you ever need to talk email anytime. Please take care and I will be praying for you and your family as you go through everything. __________________ Karleeopened my eyes to the love for Yorkies she will forever hold a special place in my heart!

09-10-2009, 01:31 PM	#7
cynsir The 3 Musketeers Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cloquet, MN Posts: 738 Blog Entries: 1	I didn't mention that my father has been an alcoholic on an off for 50 years. During those 50 years, as I'm sure you can imagine, he has said some pretty terrible things to me while intoxicated. He even interfered in the raising of my son. That's why my son and I moved when he was in 6th grade and I didn't come back until my son enlisted in the Air Force. But of course that didn't stop the phone calls at night from my father. I know I'm suppose to forgive and forget, but some things you can't. I am talking to my father, in fact the first phone call I made to him he said 'are you sure you want to talk to me', I told him I had to because of my son. This is after Andy had told me a number of times prior to discovering he had cancer, that dad wanted to talk to me. I think that I am ambivalent about my dad. I more worried how my son is taking this. I do call once a week or after a treatment that I need information on in order to understand where things are for Andy. I need to know if Dad's going to tell him some bad news so that I can call Andy to let him talk things through. We aren't even going to tell Andy when the surgery is until it's over. I know that that might be considered wrong, but if something went bad during the surgery and Andy was there, I would want to be there for my son. It's just complicated. __________________ Cindy and Misty and Mazie and Cassie Max (3/31/08 - 6/1/09)

09-10-2009, 03:15 PM	#8
manolos mom Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Texas Posts: 7,982	Cindy, Make your peace with him. Remember, YOU CAN FORGIVE BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO FORGET!!! __________________ Ethical Breeders follow and support http://www.ytca.org/

09-10-2009, 10:59 AM	#2
ARCHIE No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK Posts: 16,218	I am sorry things between you and your father have not been so good. You certainly had every right to be hurt, mad and bitter. Now is the perfect time to let your feelings not get in the way of doing what you can to help. It sounds like your father has a very good chance of surviving this. You can live with only a small portion of the liver and if his is confined to only a part of the liver and is slow growing that's a blessing. Do what you can to keep peace at this time and it sounds like your son needs you at this time as well. You will feel better knowing you did your best to help in case anything did happen to your Dad. Guilt can eat you alive and you don't want that happening to you down the road. You've been through enough already so just do what you can even if it's to help yourself get through this. Best wishes,

09-11-2009, 08:44 PM	#9
Baby Blessing Our Blessings R Many Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: In the shelter of God's Loving Care. Posts: 3,095 Blog Entries: 1	Dear Cindy, I want to share something that I had posted way back in 2006 which was on a thread for Fathers Day here on Yorkie Talk, after reading your post about your Dad I wanted to share my posting with you. I did try to send it by PM but it said you can't get PM's so there fore I feel God is leading me to copy and paste it here for you. I pray that things will go well for your Dad and his upcoming surgery, I also will be keeping you in my prayer Cindy that God will help you and your family be drawn together during this difficult time. Life is so unpredictable, it certainly reminded us in June when Jack fell, life changes in the blink of an eye. I know the power of prayer is mighty and through God all things are possable. I knew a lot of what you mentioned about the drinking problem, I recall all those horrible times, the beatings my Mother took the many times of Daddy being drunk and us kids suffered the hits from his fists while he was under the influence. I believe God placed me in a situation that opened my eyes to do something to let my Daddy know what my heart felt, I know that one day my Daddy will place his arms around me and welcome me Home when it's my time to go there. I have found in my lifetime that sometimes the letting go of those unpleasant happenings allow for us to be able to reap the many blessings life can unfold before us, they are just right there waiting for us to grab hold of. Keeping you in my prayers and sending you a big Hug. Patti and Jack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Thanks Connie for helping me to find this posting to a thread that I made on 6-19-06 I really wanted to post it on Father's Day but was unable to find it. Thankful I Wrote That Letter To My Dad I am reminded of the letter I wrote to my Dad many years back, when as a child my parents divorced, I never really got to know my Dad and seldom seen him. In 1979 due to spinal fusion I was flat on my back for six weeks in the hospital, had so much time to think, I thought about him and that the life he was struggling through at that time, being an alcholic. I asked for a piece of paper and pen, I held it on my chest as I lay there and wrote him I wanted to share my love for the Lord and all that he had done for me, I told my Daddy that it wouldn't cost him anything just to give his heart to the Lord and the Lord would lead him through life in a happier way. I didn't know until months later when my aunt called me and said, her brother, my Daddy had came to see her he had quit drinking and was living such a happy life. Later I got a call telling me he had cancer of the throat and had surgery, I got to talk to him but he had to speak through something to help others to understand what he was saying, we didn't get to talk but briefly and he said to me, "thank you for your letter, it helped to change my life and I know God has a plan for me, I love you." My Daddy passed away shortly after that. I am so thankful that I wrote that letter, yes, the fusion was a living nightmare but I would have gladly gone through everything all over again because with God placing me there on my back, he enabled me to think and to write the letter to my Daddy. In closing I would like to add if there is anyone that reads this and is in such a sitation to where maybe a letter to your Dad may help, all I can say is I am so thankful I wrote that to my Dad. I truely want to wish all Dad's out there a wonderful Fathers Day. To ones that Dad's have gone on to a better place, hugs to each of you. Patti (and Jack)

09-12-2009, 01:55 AM	#10
WV~Yorkies Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: WV Posts: 3,605 Blog Entries: 2	I am sorry your Dad is not what he should be as a Dad. I am sorry he has cancer. Cancer can change a person. It is a terrible mean thing. I lost my Dad 2 years on the 20th of this month to pancreatic cancer. I will never be the same. I miss and think of him everyday. He was a wonderful Dad and a great person. I am so angry. I don't see why it had to happen to him. Why couldn't it had been some Dad that does not care. Why mine that meant the world to me and I know I meant the world to him. __________________ Melissa Wvyorkies

09-22-2009, 05:10 PM	#11
cynsir The 3 Musketeers Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cloquet, MN Posts: 738 Blog Entries: 1	Update on Cancer Surgery I just heard from my dad and his cancer surgery is scheduled for Friday morning at 7 am. My cousin's wife is going up to Scottsdale on Thursday night to be with my mother on Friday morning, and her husband will be there on Friday afternoon. I'm kinda numb, not feeling anything. __________________ Cindy and Misty and Mazie and Cassie Max (3/31/08 - 6/1/09)

09-23-2009, 05:01 AM	#12
bailey12 Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: St. Louis MO Posts: 85	My father is also an alcoholic and has been for as long as I can remember. I really don't have a relationship with him...not because he's an alcoholic, but because of things that have happened because he's an alcoholic. I'm at peace with my "non relationship" with him. I do not wish him ill and I hope he has peace in his life. I also desire the same for myself. If a relationship isn't there is isn't there, and I don't believe there is anything "wrong" with your feelings when it comes to your father, and have never understood how all of a sudden we are supposed to feel differently when someone is ill, has an accident, etc. Relationships are complicated and just because we are related biologically, we are not required, nor is it sometimes possible to be "close" to those who are "family". Do what you feel is right for you and your son....juliet

09-24-2009, 07:05 PM	#13
cynsir The 3 Musketeers Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cloquet, MN Posts: 738 Blog Entries: 1	The Night Before Ok, tomorrow morning at 7 am, my father undergoes a 5 hour surgery to removed the cancer in his liver. I'm not worried for me or for him. My concern is my son. If anything goes wrong, my son will be devastated. So I guess I'm asking for your prayers at this time. __________________ Cindy and Misty and Mazie and Cassie Max (3/31/08 - 6/1/09)