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Old 09-21-2007, 07:11 PM   #1
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack
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Default How should I tell hubby...

My hubby is a full time college student and this is his last year. He is attending a private engineering school that is pretty hard, so he is usually wrapped up doing homework of an evening. He has been an intern with the same company for three times now (Fall of 05', Summer 06', Summer 07') and now he is starting to work part time for them during the school year. That usually takes about 2 hrs more a night and he is working 8-3 on Saturdays. I feel as though I never get to see him. We use to be so close. On top of that I bust my butt one day a week to keep our place clean, and if the house isn't clean I get a real uncomfortable feeling. We have an 8 month old so the place gets pretty dirty fast. I just can't keep up with it. He is exhausted, I am exhausted. Before he went back to school I never had that distant feeling with him. How can I tell him that I feel like we never see each other and it's doing us no good? I know he wants to keep his foot in the door with this company, but the school he attends has a 99% job placement rating every year.

Another thing that is bothering me is the fact he is so stuck on moving far away. He even said if it meant having no more children then so be it. He always wanted three kids, why the change? I just don't understand. I think he is over stressed and won't tell me. I think he knows I'm not happy with the way we never see each other and how the house is messy. I just don't know what to do and say. I need your help.....
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:51 PM   #2
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Why don't you sit him down and talk to him about it. Sometimes somethings that we think they see, they actually don't and they have to be put right in their face to get it. Communication is the key to making your thoughts known. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you. Keep your chin up.
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Old 09-21-2007, 07:54 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Sharonandtink View Post
Why don't you sit him down and talk to him about it. Sometimes somethings that we think they see, they actually don't and they have to be put right in their face to get it. Communication is the key to making your thoughts known. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for you. Keep your chin up.
Thanks so much! I really hope there is something I can do.
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:28 PM   #4
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Quote:
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Thanks so much! I really hope there is something I can do.
Just keep trying. It may take some time, but I am sure that you guys will work it out.
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:35 PM   #5
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It always help to pray first and ask God to help to use the right words, and to pick the right time for both, not when you both are toooo tired, or stress, I will be praying for you
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:37 PM   #6
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after being with my DH for almost 30 years, I have learned one thing... dont ever think they "know" or can figure out anything.... you have to spell it out, very cleaerly... I have found a problem with alot of people is that we(women) assume that our DH can "figure out" what we are feeling - they cant...

pick a positive, quiet time and tell him how you feel. Honest, he probably has no idea what is going on around him.... no offense to men, it just is...
good luck!
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Old 09-21-2007, 08:37 PM   #7
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Talk directly to him. Lay it all out on the table for him.
Have him respond to each thing that bothers you and perhaps have him
contribute what some of his concerns are also ... and you can
hopefully respond to and make reparations to some.

I am hopeful that this can be sorted out.
School, work, family, that's a lot on one plate.

Make a list and see what compromises you all can make or come to agreement on.

Good luck!
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Old 09-21-2007, 09:25 PM   #8
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This happen with my hubby and I but we didn't have our daughter when it did. we had been married about 2 1/2 years. Work and School is all he did. after about 6 months of begging for anything time he could give me I gave up!. I move out, I told him I needed attention and if he couldn't give it to me I would find someone who could!. Well I think that helped alot because he was acting live a fool inlove chasing me down LOL. well that happened about 11 years ago and we are still here and he does take time out for my Daughter and I now. Maybe not as much as I would Really like but I can compromise .
I hope you and your Hubby can work though this tuff time.
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Old 09-22-2007, 05:50 AM   #9
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Sounds like yo two need to go one a date to reconnect. Then pick a quite place to sit and talk things out.

I really think it's important to keep a marriage alive. Do new things together to build your relationship and make it stronger.

Good luck hun.
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Old 09-22-2007, 06:07 AM   #10
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It sounds like he's trying to make a better life for the entire family and he's working really hard right now to make that happen so that he has more time with you and your baby in the near future. Tell him how you feel in a positive manner, but don't discourage him from going to school. Just tell him you want to spend more quality time together. I agree with yougetthesmiles...Maybe a date night would be really good for you two
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Old 09-22-2007, 06:14 AM   #11
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Get a babysitter and take him out for dinner where you can talk calmly, and undisturbed. Communication is the key to any good relationship.
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Old 09-22-2007, 06:27 AM   #12
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Get a babysitter and take him out for dinner where you can talk calmly, and undisturbed. Communication is the key to any good relationship.
Communication
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Old 09-22-2007, 07:44 AM   #13
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My boyfriend and I are in the same place as you and your husband are, and we will be for the next 3-5years. We both work full time and I go to school full time, and he'll be starting to go to school full time soon. We're really committed to each other, but it does make things harder when you barely ever see each other. Thats why I don't want to get married until we're almost done with school. Its just to much pressure.

I don't know what I would say in your situation. If the money he gets from his job isn't that vital, I'd just tell him that no "foot in the door" position is worth harming your relationship over. Good luck.
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Old 09-22-2007, 01:10 PM   #14
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Thanks! You all have such great advice. I think it was because we were super close and now it's just like man I wish you were home some. It hurts my feelings some because he always seems to find excuses on ways to be away from home. That's okay, but when I want a little break he gets upset. The other night I was crying telling him I wanted to take a bath because I hadn't had one that day and he basically told me his homework was way more important than my bath. I don't know if his education IS getting to him because I feel like a kid sometimes. Nothing I enjoy is ever important to him. Like me going to school to be a dog groomer. It's always let me do what I need to do and if you have time you can do yours. Just like with the bath situation, it usually takes him around 3 hrs a night for homework, so that night if he finished in time I got a bath. It wasn't I'll watch the baby for 10 minutes while you go wash off. I feel like such a pee-on.
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Old 09-22-2007, 02:22 PM   #15
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I think that school is just getting to him. Be patient and see what happens when school is over. I know that it seems like it is going to be forever, but it is just a little bit longer and then he is all done. See if anything changes. But you really need to get him alone and UNDISTACTED by everything and talk to him about what you are feeling. I would just focus on your wonderful son and let him do his own thing right now until you are able to talk to him. Talk to him about setting up a night where he can't do homework or work and get a babysitter and just sit down and talk to him about the issues that you feel is bothering you. Make a list becuase when it comes to that point you will forget everything in the heat of the moment. Stay calm and talk about it. He mostlikely has his head in other places thinking about what he needs to do to take care of his family in the future to realize that he is ruining it here and now. Men are like that. Be patient and I think things will turn out fine.
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