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07-23-2007, 07:38 PM | #1 |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| What would you do? I need some good advice here. My husband and I have been having some problems here lately, all due to the same problem. His family and I haven't gotten along for quite some time now. It all started in 2005 when she got mad because I didn't go to hubbys cousins b-day party the day after my great grandmas funeral. Now hubby and I have baby, which is the highlight of my days. Since we had my son things have just gotten worse with his family and I. They exclude me most times and the past few times we have visited they say mean things about my son, such as, "he has big ears", "he has a big round head", "he is bald". Stuff like that. His aunt also said he was going to be a hethan (sp) when he grows up, and this was the first time she laid eyes on him. Hubby and I had a talk and I told him how much things were bothering me. They have caused a lot of emotional pain and since these issues have occured I have had a lot of mental and physical health issues. Hubby simply stated he would talk with them. So he calls them and tells them it bothered us and she asks me if I go to a counselor if it would help me. That was with her apology. Hubby thinks that is being sincere. I tell him I think it's best not to go around them for awhile, he said that is asking to much. We just keep fighting the same argument. I want nothing to do with them and he thinks they are God's model parents. I feel this is never going to change. What would you do in this situation? I guess I just need advice and someone to talk to.
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
Welcome Guest! | |
07-23-2007, 07:54 PM | #2 | |
Luvs Lulu Donating Member | Quote:
Ok I am fuming for your sake. I want to go there and bitch slap that aunt that said that nonsense. God help her for putting such ugliness on a small child. In-law relations can be very tedious. I think that it was rediculous of them to feel slighted because you didn't attend that birthday party. Like hello a family member just died. My mom had issues with my grandmother (dad's mom) and that side of the family. See they wanted my dad to marry asian and he sure didn't. Anyhow there was always snide remarks and stuff thrown at my mom as well. Finally she had had enough and told my dad it was enough. She told him seeing as they dont' care for me I will take you to their functions (dad didn't drive and take the kids as well) and then go back home and come get you when it was done. I personally don't blame her one bit. That was how my mom kept her sanity. It's a hard thing to put hubby on the spot to defend his family...because you are all his family. It really disgusts me to hear how they treat the baby who is the son of their son. Honestly dont' tell him anything more negative about them. If I were you I would just not go. He would be welcome to go if he wanted but he wouldn't be taking my son. No matter what you do in this situation your name will be mud. My cousin's wife is in this situation with my aunt. No matter what happens it's always Ruth's fault..even when it's clearly evident that it's Gary's fault. My aunt just never liked her because my cousin was/is a mammas boy and his wife is a strong woman and refused to let my aunt run all over her and her life. She has employed the same tactic that my mom used. While it's not the best thing because being a united family is better it will give you a piece of mind.
__________________ Lulu will always be in my heart | |
07-23-2007, 07:56 PM | #3 |
I love Jackson too! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,905
| I was in a similar situation with my mother-in-law. She used to live here in Ohio, but she moved years ago to Florida. She wanted us to move there too, but we opted to stay here because that's where our jobs are. I have worked at the same place for 22 years. So, she blamed ME on the reason we wouldn't move down there, even though it was actually mostly my husband who didn't want to. He actually liked the distance between them because she is very controlling and devious. Several years ago, she started to cause trouble at Christmas time. She was coming to Ohio to stay with her daughter, but she was trying to control all our plans. She ORDERED me to take off work, even though I had already used all my vacation time for the year. Then, because I wouldn't follow her orders she emailed my sis-in-law and said some pretty bad things about me, and made up alot of stuff. What she didn't count on was my sis-in-law showing me the email. She would also bad-mouth me to my own children. I made a decision. I knew that I could NOT stand being around this woman anymore. So, I told her and I told my husband that I would never interfere in their relationship. They can see each other and talk to each other as much as they want, and I don't care. BUT, I refuse to have anything to do with her. I also said she could see my kids anytime she wanted. So, my husband visits her when she is in town, and he talks to her occasionally on the phone or via email. My kids aren't that crazy about seeing her because of how she bad-mouthed me. They're adults now, so they can make up they're own minds. I never talk to her or never have to listen to her very annoying LOUD voice anymore, and I never have to see her. It has worked well for us.
__________________ Selina, mommy to Jake and Jackson. RIP baby Lily Coming soon: Gracie |
07-23-2007, 07:59 PM | #4 |
Luvs Lulu Donating Member | I had the worlds greatest MIL and pray that I can be the same when my children are grown and have their own significant others. I really have to wonder why the hell would someone want to make their child uncomfortable. They might be doing bad things to you but they should think how it affects their son. I mean come on he loves you, married you and had a child with you. Don't they realize how their crappy behaviour makes him feel and how bad of a position they put him in.
__________________ Lulu will always be in my heart |
07-23-2007, 08:02 PM | #5 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 6,111
| As the old saying goes you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family...you DONT have to be friends with them though hun...its not your problem its theirs..Id say that you should stay away from them if they are causing you emotional pain...but you cant ask your husband to stay away from them..they are his family and always have been...let him go visit them and you can stay home...or do something else while he does...you dont need that sort of abuse from anyone!! Dawn |
07-23-2007, 08:07 PM | #6 |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| That's the advice my mom has been giving me from some time now. Hubby is a grown man and can make his own decision, I am a grown woman and I also can. It hurts me just as much to see them as it does him not to. I told him I didn't want anything to do with them anymore because I'm constantly sick from it and I have a 6 month old to take care of. He said I should give our children the option to see his side or not. I don't think he believes me that one day our kids aren't going to put up with it either. My son already screams everytime they even look at him, I think he senses the tension. Just wish hubby could see how they treat us. I'm sure it isn't the easiest thing to come to terms with...
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. |
07-23-2007, 08:11 PM | #7 |
I love my lil wolf! ;) Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Washington
Posts: 2,434
| I agree with everyone.... but if I were you I would be pretty upset if my husband honestly thinks "counseling" is a sincere apology!! He should be defending you and his child.. doesn't he feel angry with what his side of the family say about ur guy's kid?? It's his kid too! I dont know... everyone is saying to ignore it and just not be a part of their lives, but I feel like your husband should be more supportive of you and defend you more if he knows how much pain this is causing you... maybe have another talk with him?? Or one of your close family member/close friend have a talk with him..? Good Luck and so sorry that this is happening to you. Pay NO attention at all on what they said about your son.. if anything they are probably jealous theirs didn't turn out as cute as yours keep your head up and just ignore them!! |
07-23-2007, 08:19 PM | #8 | |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| Quote:
Thanks for your advice. Yeah that's kinda what I was getting at. I wish he acted like he cared more. He says he does but never shows it. He doesn't see this as a bad thing I guess. He said I guess I don't think it's that bad, what all have they really done? I could write a book of things she has done to us. Things I haven't even brought up to her. Example, my wedding day while my side was getting pictures taking my grandma went back to get something and caught her in my moms things, her purse was a wreck and things were laying everywhere. I think I handled that pretty well. I bite my tongue often. LOL
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. | |
07-27-2007, 01:08 PM | #9 |
and Hopeys Mom Too Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Louisiana
Posts: 4,109
| I had the same problem with my MIL, from the beginning. I was the first DIL and it was not pretty. After I had both girls, I just stayed away from them and it all seems to work that way. My DH(of 24 years) has just had to accept that I will never be "buddies" with his mom! I am glad I have girls and I dont have to have a DIL... it seems that mom's cannot let go of their baby boys... LOL Stand your ground... You married him, not his mom. he will eventually agree that you dont HAVE to see them... Good Luck! d
__________________ Donna's little herd.... Tooties Dogster http://www.dogster.com/?271687 Hopeys Dogster http://www.dogster.com/?448723 and Tinker, TBone(RIP) Laci .. OH, and Me-Kitty(RIP) |
07-27-2007, 01:46 PM | #10 |
Piper & Sebastian Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: florida
Posts: 14,495
| When a man and woman become married they forsake all others, and that goes for inlaws or outlaws in your case. Your husband should be on your side, and just as hurt about what they say about your son. I'd tell him our son and I are staying away from them till they no how to behave. If he choses to go, let him go.
__________________ Susan, Piper ,Harley & Suiki |
07-27-2007, 03:09 PM | #11 |
Lovin' Lucy & Rebel Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Georgia
Posts: 4,438
| I had problems with my inlaws when my sons were younger. (They're mine from a previous marriage) His family didn't want anything to do with me or the kids. We didn't tell them when we got married, just my family who all came with us when we married. After a couple of very tense holidays, I told my husband that the kids and I weren't going to any more of his family events and we didn't. Almost immediately, my husband stopped going, too. His mother called me and apologized, but I knew she wasn't sincere so we still didn't go. When my sons were grown, hubby's parents' heath began failing and my husband took care of them day to day, but still refused to go to holidays at their house. His mother had surgery several years ago and was bedridden for quite a while afterwards. For my husband's sake, I cleaned their NASTY house, cooked for them, and took care of them until she was up and about, all while working full time. His brother and SIL told us up front they weren't going to do anything and they didn't. (They're a**holes) When my husband died, I fought with them tooth and nail over where to have the funeral, where to bury him, and then over property we bought while we were married. They didn't like any of the arrangements I made. They're in really bad shape now and their only living son and his wife still refuse to help them. NOW they realize how good I was to them!!! My MIL calls me once a week and is always telling me she loves me and that I was the best thing that ever happened to Mark, etc. The only thing I can tell you is to do what you think is right. It'll all come out in the wash.
__________________ Kim , Rebel ,and baby Dixie RIP my sweet Lucy |
07-27-2007, 05:46 PM | #12 | |
Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys
Posts: 5,056
| Quote:
__________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.. | |
07-27-2007, 06:28 PM | #13 | |
Spoilin' Tilly & Jack Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,227
| Quote:
I couldn't help but to giggle, thanks for the laugh!
__________________ Momma Tilly Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail. | |
07-27-2007, 06:36 PM | #14 |
Love my Boys Donating Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: w/ my boys
Posts: 5,056
| There ya go girl...don't let them get to you...you where decent they were not...
__________________ B.J.mom to : Jake J.J. Jack & Joey, momma misses you..... The joy found in the companionship of a pet is a blessing not given to everyone. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.. |
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