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04-09-2007, 02:05 PM | #1 |
Slave to Max 'n Abbie Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Pittsburgh
Posts: 1,529
| Wax is not your friend (funny email) Subject: WAX IS NOT YOUR FRIEND CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud...I laughed till I almost cried as I could just see this happening! All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair And now...the wax. My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!) So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Cold wax, "yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!! I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down , foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. DANG!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door. *Hoo-Hoo*?? sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right? ?? WRONG!!!!!!! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care. IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair.... THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!! So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point. Next week I'm going to try hair color...... Now thats funny . Notttttttttt
__________________ Brenda, Max & Abbie |
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04-09-2007, 02:19 PM | #2 |
YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,225
| ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww lol
__________________ A pet's love is true right from the start, through good times and bad, like sharing one heart. |
04-09-2007, 02:28 PM | #3 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: California
Posts: 865
| hahaha... i was having a crappy day today... but that just made me laugh....
__________________ RIP Pebbles. Mommy loves you and misses you!!! Mommy to 3 Yorkshire Terrors Shasta, Sherman and Little Man |
04-09-2007, 02:28 PM | #4 |
All Dogs Go To Heaven Donating Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: By The Lake
Posts: 2,727
| I havenever in my life laughed so hard while I was crying
__________________ Jeanie I am @ the Lake Jackson, Maggie, Sunshine, Bailey, Rocky, Emmie & Jack |
04-09-2007, 04:21 PM | #5 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: McLean , VA
Posts: 458
| LOL This is hilarious(sp?) !!!!
__________________ NIKITA & LILO If my little girl is a PRINCESS, does it make me a QUEEN? |
04-09-2007, 05:02 PM | #6 |
Mommy's Love Bugs Donating Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Northern Virginia!
Posts: 1,670
| I laughed and I cried.Love the story
__________________ Yorkies are like potato chips; you can't have just one! The PiNK Club |
04-09-2007, 06:22 PM | #8 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama
Posts: 17,674
| Whats so absolutely hilarious about this is I can see it happening.....I can't remember when I have laughed so hard.... thank you! |
04-09-2007, 06:41 PM | #9 |
I ♥ my Furheathens Donating Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: VAN ALSTYNE
Posts: 8,226
| OMG that is HILARIOUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSss
__________________ Twalla & The Furheathens |
04-09-2007, 07:06 PM | #10 |
Peeka Boo I See You! Donating Member | hahahahahahahahahaha OMG i almost pee'd my pants laughing so hard lol .. This reminds me of a sad sad story of mine... It was valentines day and i was very pregnant well honestly i couldn't see my neither regions but i wanted to do something special for hubby well..... I decided to give myself a special haircut lol hahahaha let me just say this it had been a while since i shaved there because i couldn't get to it. so i got the scissors and started at it well one miss snip later and i am bleeding all over the place i thought i was going to bleed to death here i am half naked and very pregnant in the bathroom straddling the toilet and bleeding all over i yell for my sister who comes running thinking i was dying i tell her what happened and she couldn't stop laughing i was freaking out trying to run a scenario of what i was going to tell the emergency room on how this happened OMG i wanted to die!! I finally got it to stop bleeding but i was the laugh of the family the rest of the week. My hubby felt bad that i did it for him so he took me to dinner but ladies no matter how desperate you get DON'T EVER USE SCISSORS!!!
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04-09-2007, 07:20 PM | #11 |
My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma
Posts: 2,258
| Sooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!! I can't stop laughing.
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04-09-2007, 07:28 PM | #12 |
The grace of god Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: LA
Posts: 1,945
| ewwww
__________________ Gracie Lou |
04-09-2007, 08:21 PM | #13 |
I love my lil wolf! ;) Donating Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Washington
Posts: 2,434
| hahahaha i think a lot of women had something like this or similar happen to them |
04-09-2007, 08:43 PM | #14 | |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: California
Posts: 865
| Quote:
hahaha! im sure thats one of those stories your family tells at every family gathering?! lol... at least it would be in my family... we like to make fun of eachother like that
__________________ RIP Pebbles. Mommy loves you and misses you!!! Mommy to 3 Yorkshire Terrors Shasta, Sherman and Little Man | |
04-10-2007, 06:22 AM | #15 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Nottinghamshire-UK
Posts: 474
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__________________ midnightmist ELLIE http://www.myspace.com/yorkie_luvr TRIXIE |
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