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03-07-2007, 12:38 PM | #1 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Magnolia
Posts: 843
| Jokes anyone? DEMOCRAT CANDIDATES FOR PRESIDENT! Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy." Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy." Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy."
__________________ and that is MR. PRETENTIOUS TO YOU !!!! Self Proclaimed Super Hero of YorkieTalk Avatar & signature created by Gypsy & Me |
Welcome Guest! | |
03-07-2007, 12:43 PM | #2 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| HILARIOUS! LOVED IT! |
03-07-2007, 12:45 PM | #3 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| I've got one! At last! A bumper sticker that is available for both parties. FINALLY, someone has come out with a 100% bipartisan political bumper sticker. The hottest selling bumper sticker comes from New York State . "RUN HILLARY RUN" Democrats put it on the rear bumper. Republicans put it on the front bumper. |
03-07-2007, 12:45 PM | #4 |
Yorkie Kisses are the Best! Donating Member | GOOD ONE !! |
03-07-2007, 12:46 PM | #5 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Magnolia
Posts: 843
| Wow you have seen the front of my car have you? Loved it
__________________ and that is MR. PRETENTIOUS TO YOU !!!! Self Proclaimed Super Hero of YorkieTalk Avatar & signature created by Gypsy & Me |
03-07-2007, 12:47 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,134
| heres one I liked WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A head of romaine lettuce, A 2 lb. can of coffee, and A 1 lb. package of bacon. As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly
__________________ Linda and Maggie http://www.dogster.com/dogs/490696. http://www.dropshots.com/mnl |
03-07-2007, 12:50 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Magnolia
Posts: 843
| I said that once and got a black eye. Since then I have had to wear a mask!
__________________ and that is MR. PRETENTIOUS TO YOU !!!! Self Proclaimed Super Hero of YorkieTalk Avatar & signature created by Gypsy & Me |
03-07-2007, 12:52 PM | #8 |
No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 16,218
| Blonde joke A young blonde woman was driving through the Florida Everglades while on vacation. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde declared, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator and get a pair of shoes for free!" The shopkeeper said with a sly smile, "Well little lady, why don't you go on and give it a try?" The blonde headed off to the swamp, determined to catch an alligator. Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in hand. As he brings his car to a stop, he sees a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blonde takes aim, shoots the creature and hauls it up onto the slippery bank. Nearby were seven more dead gators, all lying belly up. The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggles mightily and manages to flip the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward, she screams in frustration, "s**t! THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT TOO !!" Carol & Buddy |
03-07-2007, 01:03 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Magnolia
Posts: 843
| No shoes get it!!! lmao!!!! I just love it
__________________ and that is MR. PRETENTIOUS TO YOU !!!! Self Proclaimed Super Hero of YorkieTalk Avatar & signature created by Gypsy & Me |
03-07-2007, 01:06 PM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Magnolia
Posts: 843
| An American Indian walks into the trading post and asks for the cheapest toilet paper they have since he has very little money. The shop clerk says well Chief that stuff over their named White Cloud is the cheapest we have. So the Indian buys it and goes on his way. Well several days go past and the Indian comes back to the store and the Clerk asked him how the White Cloud worked out The Indian says "White man should change the name of that paper to John Wayne" The clerk was puzzled and asked why. The Indian says Because it is rough and tough and won't take S!#* off no Indian"
__________________ and that is MR. PRETENTIOUS TO YOU !!!! Self Proclaimed Super Hero of YorkieTalk Avatar & signature created by Gypsy & Me |
03-07-2007, 01:10 PM | #11 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 8,986
| This isn't really a joke, but...... How Smart Is Your Right Foot? This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And, you will keep trying it at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot. But you can't!!! 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor! and make clockwise circles with it. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.. Your foot will change direction!!! I told you so.. And there is nothing you can do about it. Make sure you pass this on to your friends... They won't be able to believe it either!!! I'll post some more later!! |
03-07-2007, 01:18 PM | #12 |
I heart Hootie & Hobbs Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 7,149
| Even though I'm going to be an attorney...this is still funny... A Chicago lawyer went duck hunting in rural Indiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer was climbing over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the United States and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Indiana. We settle small disagreements like this with the Hoosier "Three Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Hoosier Three Kick Rule?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn." [I love this part....] The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck." |
03-07-2007, 01:19 PM | #13 |
No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 16,218
| Leave it to a child Should Children Witness Childbirth? > > Due to a power outage, only one paramedic > > responded to the call. > > The house was very, very dark, so the > > paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3- > > year-old girl, to hold the light high over > > her mommy so he could > > see while he helped deliver the baby. Very > > diligently Kathleen did > > as she was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and > > pushed, and after a > > little while Connor was born. > > The paramedic lifted him by his little feet > > and spanked him on his > > bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic > > then thanked Kathleen > > for her help and asked the wide-eyed > > 3-year-old what she thought > > about what she had just witnessed. > > Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't > > have crawled in there in > > the first place. Smack his ass again." > I'm on a roll Carol & Buddy |
03-07-2007, 01:22 PM | #14 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: BIDDEFORD POOL ,MAINE
Posts: 104
| lol You made my day at the hospital very funny for the last hour |
03-07-2007, 01:23 PM | #15 |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Missouri
Posts: 4,637
| LMAO! All of these jokes are cracking me up!
__________________ Heather, Chloe Lynn and Daisy May |
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