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Old 03-06-2007, 10:05 PM   #1
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What do you do if you don't like your boyfriend or spouse's friends? My bf and I have been going out for 1 yr and 3 months. We have known each other since Freshman yr in highschool but never spoke too much. By Senior yr we got to know each other better but I had a bf. My ex and I broke up when I went away to college. My current bf and I went to College together and that is how we got to really know each other. We became good friends and eventually started going out that same yr. Since senior yr in high school we have had the same group of friends. He has hung out with the same guys since sophmore yr and still friends with them now. My girlfriends from hs know him well and vise versa. The problem is I really dislike like 2 of his friends, which are like his best friends. I think they are really immature and act so stupid. They are about 20 yrs old and don't even act like it sometimes. One of the guys is the same guy I mentioned in a previous thread that told me he wished my yorkies would die. When we go out, since we all hang out together and my girlfriends are friends with his guys friends, etc. I tolerate being around them but inside I can't wait to get away. He thought I liked them but he recently found out I don't because everytime he wants us to hang out together I always make up excuses and finally told him I don't like them. They always make fun of him, call him gay which is SO stupid becuase he is in no way gay or even act it. It is just a guy thing they do I guess. But I hate the fact that they are always making fun of him and he just laughs it off. It ticks me off and I'm always telling him to atleast say something to them or they will always do it but he says he doesn't mind because he knows they are playing and that's how 'friends' play around. Yea right. I understand playing around once in a while but EVERY time we hang out they do this and my bf never makes fun of them, he is such a good friend. I sense this will turn in to a big problem in the future because my bf and I always hang out together on the weekends, we both go out together wherever it is and recently we haven't because I don't like being with his friends. They annoy me. We don't hang out on our own, like go to parties, etc. So what is a girl to do? Srry this is soooooooo long..it's just been on my mind and I love my bf. I just don't want it to be a problem.
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:04 PM   #2
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anyone ?
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:17 PM   #3
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Your right this will be a big problem in the future. It may become that because you have a problem with his friends that you will definitely have a problem with him in the future. My situation (before I got married) was always this: If I loved his friends we usually had a good relationship. If I hated his friends we did not. The reason for this was: There is a reason why he is attracting these kind of people........which you may soon find out why and may or may not have a detrimental impact on your relationship. I

However, on the flip side if you really want this to work out you have to come to a compromise about his friends. I know if anyone ever said they disliked my friends I would be a little hurt by it. I have to ask......can you deal with his friends (take it with a grain of salt) or do you utterly loathe them and being around them makes your skin crawl?
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Old 03-07-2007, 01:23 PM   #4
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To me it sounds like you may be a lot more mature than your bf and his friends. He should be more understanding and respect how you feel, and stop spending much time with his "buddies". He should have stepped up to the plate and let his "buddies" know that you and your feelings come first. Looks like you are going to have to sit down with him and have a very long talk, then see if he understands, and if he doesn't, then maybe some counseling would be a good idea.
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Old 03-07-2007, 02:50 PM   #5
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Ok first off remember when we men get around each other we act like total boys! Its in our nature. They are all really young and have some growing up to do so you can't hold too much of their antics against them. Your BF may not be one of the Alpha males in the group thus the picking on him. If he was to step up he may not be picked on as much. If you love your BF let him have his guys night out and you guys have your couple night out. It seemed to work for me and Mrs Dobie. Well she says I am still a boy a heart (and act like it most of the time)
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Old 03-07-2007, 04:30 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by bornnygurl View Post
Your right this will be a big problem in the future. It may become that because you have a problem with his friends that you will definitely have a problem with him in the future. My situation (before I got married) was always this: If I loved his friends we usually had a good relationship. If I hated his friends we did not. The reason for this was: There is a reason why he is attracting these kind of people........which you may soon find out why and may or may not have a detrimental impact on your relationship. I

However, on the flip side if you really want this to work out you have to come to a compromise about his friends. I know if anyone ever said they disliked my friends I would be a little hurt by it. I have to ask......can you deal with his friends (take it with a grain of salt) or do you utterly loathe them and being around them makes your skin crawl?

You're right. It may escalate into a bigger problem as time goes by. The thing is we're all friends, he's just closer to the guys and I am closer to the girls. But I don't really like being around those 2 guy friends, the others I am fine with. It upsets me because other than that our relationship is great and we get a long great. That seems to be the only problem.
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Old 03-07-2007, 04:37 PM   #7
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To me it sounds like you may be a lot more mature than your bf and his friends. He should be more understanding and respect how you feel, and stop spending much time with his "buddies". He should have stepped up to the plate and let his "buddies" know that you and your feelings come first. Looks like you are going to have to sit down with him and have a very long talk, then see if he understands, and if he doesn't, then maybe some counseling would be a good idea.
Thank you for understanding. For the most part he is understanding but when I bring it up he says I should respect the fact that those are his best friends. I think we do need to sit down and talk.
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Old 03-07-2007, 04:43 PM   #8
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Ok first off remember when we men get around each other we act like total boys! Its in our nature. They are all really young and have some growing up to do so you can't hold too much of their antics against them. Your BF may not be one of the Alpha males in the group thus the picking on him. If he was to step up he may not be picked on as much. If you love your BF let him have his guys night out and you guys have your couple night out. It seemed to work for me and Mrs Dobie. Well she says I am still a boy a heart (and act like it most of the time)
Just another side
I understand that guys can act liek boys when they are around each other. I grew up with my older brother..and it's not a problem when they're playing video games and such, etc. My bf still plays video games and I know some people that are married and in their 30s and say their husbands do too. We just like to go out together and not separatly because we know how our friends are. Like my girl friends have a lot of guy friends and like to party and he doesn't want me to be doing that if he's not around, so same goes for him. It depends on the situation. If he wants to hang only with the boys and see a movie or something then fine. But usually I don't like him to have too many guys night because his friend, the one I don't like likes to talk disrespectfully about girls and how be 'bones' so many of them, and blah blah blah. My bf is not like that but I don't like that he's around ppl like that. It makes me think what if he turns in to one of them and they lure him to cheat or something. I'm a little jealous, or alot...i dunno. But he is fine with that..he just wants to be able to see them and I can't stand them. I can 'stand' being around them but the way they talk about girls and stuff is really immature to me. idk i might just act older.
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Old 03-07-2007, 06:04 PM   #9
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i know what you are going through. my boyfriend and i have been dating for two years and have been living together for 8 months and i totally despise one of his "good friends". he is so rude, swears way to much in public, and is just plain nasty. he has a girlfriend and she is the same way, they always argue in public and it is so embarassing. i confronted my boyfriend about them and i told him straight up that i didn't like his friend and the girlfriend. my boyfriend then confronted his friend and told him that he should mature a little and not act like a fool in public.
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Old 03-07-2007, 09:08 PM   #10
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i know what you are going through. my boyfriend and i have been dating for two years and have been living together for 8 months and i totally despise one of his "good friends". he is so rude, swears way to much in public, and is just plain nasty. he has a girlfriend and she is the same way, they always argue in public and it is so embarassing. i confronted my boyfriend about them and i told him straight up that i didn't like his friend and the girlfriend. my boyfriend then confronted his friend and told him that he should mature a little and not act like a fool in public.
That is so nice of your bf to do. IDK why some people get older and just act so immature still. Like you shouldn't be 20 and act like you're 40 but also not like you're 10. I have told my bf before to stand up to himself when his friends bug him and he did but now he kinda forgot and says he doesn't care. To him it's something to laugh at. I would be pissed if everytime I was around a friend she always comments on something bad about me, but none of my friend's do that.
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