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02-25-2007, 11:15 AM | #1 |
Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3
Posts: 17,329
| Marriage.....for the ladies out there Marriage - Part I Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?" His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .whether you're here or not." (DAMN SHE'S GOOD!) ************************************ Marriage (Part II) Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff! At Last " (HE ASKED FOR IT!) ****************************** Marriage (Part III) Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house. After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second opinion!" (YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!) ****************************************** Marriage (Part IV) A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four." (RIGHT ON, LADY!) ************************************** Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." (Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.) ************************************** God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. **************************************** The Living Will? My wife and I got into a conversation about life and death, and the need for living wills. During the course of the conversation I told her that I never wanted to exist in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and taking fluids from a bottle. She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all my liqour. Sometimes it's tough being married to a smart ass.
__________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts! |
Welcome Guest! | |
02-25-2007, 11:22 AM | #2 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: McLean , VA
Posts: 458
| LOL I love it!!! Soo true, all of them!!
__________________ NIKITA & LILO If my little girl is a PRINCESS, does it make me a QUEEN? |
02-25-2007, 11:26 AM | #3 |
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Kentucky
Posts: 409
| LOL those were funny, loved the last one!!
__________________ ~Family and Friends are always welcome-Fleas are not!~ Miss Mazee's Mom |
02-25-2007, 02:11 PM | #4 |
Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Sugar Hill
Posts: 30
| Rotfl. Ditto xD I love it...
__________________ Working on an avatar xD I think I'll pixel something. |
02-25-2007, 10:26 PM | #6 |
Donating Yorkie Yakker Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 337
| Very Cute!! Thanks for sharing.
__________________ Tracy and my S "If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience."- Woodrow Wilson |
02-25-2007, 10:34 PM | #7 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: North eastern Illinois Suburbs
Posts: 1,669
| Good stuff! I needed the laugh, thanks! |
02-26-2007, 12:58 AM | #8 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: New Zealand
Posts: 944
| Bwa ha ha ha !! Too funny!
__________________ Dougal (card carrying member of the Teapot Club) & Dixie (aka Evil Wee) Dougal's Facebook Dixie's Facebook |
02-26-2007, 01:40 AM | #9 |
YT Addict Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Northern Illinois
Posts: 337
| Machines and Liquids Those were GREAT! My husband's father died in a nursing home after a lengthy illness. One thing that prolonged his decline was a feeding tube. We both said at the time we didn't want anything like that to prolong the agony. So, I had to copy your last joke and left it on the desk for him to find. He already knows I'm a Smart Ass. |
02-26-2007, 06:05 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 7000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Alabama, etc.
Posts: 9,031
| What a great way to start on Monday!!!! Thanks, I needed that!!!
__________________ Toto's Mom - http://www.dogster.com/?206581 Yorkie Rescue Colorado - http://www.yorkierescuecolorado.com/ "The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits." -- Albert Einstein |
02-26-2007, 06:51 AM | #11 |
Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY
Posts: 10,455
| what a way to start a morning,, thanks for sharing
__________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ... |
02-26-2007, 07:46 AM | #12 |
Currently Suspended! Join Date: May 2005 Location: Florida
Posts: 2,150
| I was laughing my butt off reading them. Thanks for starting my day off with a good laugh. |
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