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01-12-2007, 08:30 AM | #1 |
BANNED! Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: USA
Posts: 9,999
| Tell Me This Won't Happen To Us !!!! LOST IN THE DANDIEST PLACES: An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." __________________________________________________ ______________________ FAMILY Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." __________________________________________________ ______________________ "I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!" Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer." __________________________________________________ _____________________ LITTLE LADY: A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup." __________________________________________________ _____________________ OLD FRIENDS: Now this one is just too Precious... LOL! Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" __________________________________________________ _____________________ SENIOR DRIVING As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!" __________________________________________________ _____________________ DRIVING Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?" __________________________________________________ _____________________ TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!! |
Welcome Guest! | |
01-12-2007, 08:45 AM | #2 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
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__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco |
01-12-2007, 08:50 AM | #3 |
Peeka Boo I See You! Donating Member | OMG those are hilarious thanks for sharing!
__________________ |
01-12-2007, 09:25 AM | #4 |
Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3
Posts: 17,329
| THOSE WERE GREAT!!!!
__________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts! |
01-12-2007, 09:30 AM | #5 |
My Best Friend Donating Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: oklahoma
Posts: 2,258
| Thanks for the laugh! I needed that today!!!!!!
__________________ Support our Troops : |
01-12-2007, 09:31 AM | #6 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: wasco/bakersfield
Posts: 1,244
| Omg I Printed This And Am Im Giving It To My Hubby. Those Are Great
__________________ FRANKIE THE LUMPKINS MOMMY |
01-12-2007, 10:12 AM | #7 |
YT Addict Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Rockwell, NC
Posts: 465
| The scary thing is they were all issued driver's licenses..... Teri
__________________ Phipps' Pretty Pooches Rockwell, NC 28138 |
01-12-2007, 10:18 AM | #8 |
No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 16,218
| I know I shouldn't laugh at those because one day that will probably be "ME"! Those were great. Carol & Buddy |
01-12-2007, 10:39 AM | #9 |
Little Bit & Buttons Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: US
Posts: 2,160
| Hilarious I loved those. |
01-12-2007, 10:46 AM | #10 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Abbotsford, BC
Posts: 2,060
| But it will happen way sooner than you think. Do all the stuff you want to do now while you are young -- and can still remember what you want to do. LOL |
01-12-2007, 11:42 AM | #11 |
Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY
Posts: 10,455
| very good, not looking forwaaaaaaaaaaad to old age
__________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ... |
01-12-2007, 11:44 AM | #12 |
Enja's Mom too! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 2,765
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__________________ Farrah, Zeus, Enja & Riley |
01-12-2007, 12:01 PM | #13 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Illinois
Posts: 4,823
| Those are hilarious!
__________________ Owned by Rocky and Bella |
01-12-2007, 12:15 PM | #14 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Heck... I do some of those now!!
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
01-19-2007, 12:45 PM | #15 |
YT Addict Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Maryland
Posts: 262
| ok that was so FUNNY!! Thank goodness I have a while to get old. |
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