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Old 01-08-2007, 07:23 PM   #1
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Question Taking your husband's last name?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years now and I am certain that he is "the one." I always assumed that I would take my husband's last name when I got married, I never really gave it a second thought. However, a few months ago one of my brothers told me that he thinks I shouldn't change my last name when I get married. I actually am considering keeping my own last name now. I talked about it with my boyfriend and he said he wouldn't have a problem with it at all. It really isn't an issue with him at all.

Since this has been on my mind, I have spoken about it with co-workers who are in a similar situation. Two of the women I have spoken to also said they would like to keep their last names, but their boyfriends flipped out when they brought it up. Their boyfriend's felt that it would be disrespectful to them if they didn't change their last names.

I just wanted to know what everyone else feels about this subject. Part of me would really like to take my boyfriend's last name, but part of me would like to keep my own. I am also considering hyphenating the two.

Have any married women on here kept their maiden names? Also, if any guys would like to respond, what are your thoughts and why? Thanks.
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:31 PM   #2
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When I got married I never even thought about keeping my maiden name. I just thought that it was a tradition to take your husbands name. But I see that more and more women are keeping their maiden names. I think it would be completely up to you and your boyfriend.
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:39 PM   #3
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I'm recently married. 1 1/2 years. At first i considered keeping my last name because my father had 3 girls and my maiden name would stop with us if we all changed our names. After giving it some thought I decided that marrying my husband meant I wanted to be with him and although he didn't tell me I couldn't he was extremely happy when I decided to take his last name. I decided to give our 1st son my fathers middle name to carry on a tradition. I say take the name it doesn't take away from who you are but if not... a great compromise would be to hyphenate the name. but it's what you feel comfortable with. Good Luck
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:50 PM   #4
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Call me old fashioned if you want but I have to agree with your friends who say it would be disrespectful to your new husband. If he's good enough to marry why isn't the name good enough to use? I would never think of not taking my husband's name but if you feel you need to keep your name why not hyphenate?

Although...on a funny side note...I was best friends with the daughter of the preacher who married us...he was so used to calling me by my last name that that's how he introduced us at the end of the ceremony! I was shocked and several family members corrected him so he stuttered a little, got red faced and then corrected himself! Thank goodness he got it right on the marriage lisence!
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:54 PM   #5
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Im getting married next month(feb 24) and I will be taking my fiances last name. Its part of marriage and that in my opinion is like the final bond between you. I also thought about when we have children and if I kept my name whos name would the child have? Its totally up to YOU and what you feel comfortable doing, but give it some thought.
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Old 01-08-2007, 07:54 PM   #6
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yep i guess im old fashioned too i agree with taking the guys last name thats just the way its always been or if you'd like then hyphen it but in my opinion i wouldnt keep mine! But just my opinion!!! Its up to you and your boyfriend
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Old 01-08-2007, 08:08 PM   #7
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Animal Smiley 019 you love him enuf to marry him .... sooooooooo JMO

This just my opinion ..... Take on your husband-to-be's name ... itz the right thing to do ... what last name would you give your kids? You will drive the teachers nutz at school ... As a teacher, I had kids and when the moms came up the last name was different (most were not married though) ... very confusing.

However, make sure you change it everywhere legally so it does not mess you up later ... Social Sec., driver's license, checkbook, at work, credit cards, passport, health insurance, and I am sure there are more places ....

there were only 2 girls in my family and that was that ... some times I will use my maiden name as a middle name .... but itz not all that important ... when you get married, you become Mr. and Mrs. "in love" ....
good luck on your forth coming marriage ...
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Old 01-08-2007, 09:01 PM   #8
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Not changing your name is not a big deal. I think it's disrespectful to insist a woman change her whole identity if it means a lot to her - it should be a choice. Seriously, it's no big deal.

Someone called tonight and asked for me and then asked if my husband was Mr. MYlastname. He said no, this is Mr. HISlastname. (And laughed because it was obvious the sales person didn't know us.) Anyone who knows us knows our names and we just politely correct people who assume. We've actually found it helpful in many situations.

Please don't feel bad about wanting to keep your name. My husband's reaction was similar to your boyfriend's. Kind of like, well it would be nice but if that's what you want to do it's fine. He even corrects people for me and introduces me with my last name. I really like my name and almost 3 years later I'm still really happy I didn't change it. We are still just as married!
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:09 AM   #9
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IMO, and only in my opinion, when two people get married they become one, just as it says in the bible...they become of one flesh..therefore I believe the woman should take the man's last name. I took my husbands last name. To me it showed that I was ready to begin my life with him as a part of him. I do believe my husband and I are one in every sense of the word. Granted, he is still a man and he still has his moments...what man doesn't? lol but we are truly one and we have four beautiful children to show for it.

I know a lot of couples who don't live their lives as one working together. They have separate checking accounts, separate monies, separate lives, everything...and maybe that works for them. But for me and my husband, this works for us. We share everything, we talk about everything MOST of the time we can work out our differences. There is no mine/his/hers in our house...it is all OURS (except with the yorkies LOL he has his and I have mine!)

Honestly, you need to decide what works for you and your boyfriend. It is a personal decision that you and he should make together and agree upon. Only you know what is best and what will work for you.
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:16 AM   #10
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I took my husbands last name because it was very pretty paired with my first name I have to say though ,my maiden name was good too with my first name

UMMM Guess that wasn't to romantic or anything was it
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:17 AM   #11
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In many ways I wanted to keep my last name too, but I knew it would get confusing when we have kids. So I have hyphenated - that way I keep my last name but take his too. He was totally fine with it.
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:21 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Willow
IMO, and only in my opinion, when two people get married they become one, just as it says in the bible...they become of one flesh..therefore I believe the woman should take the man's last name. I took my husbands last name. To me it showed that I was ready to begin my life with him as a part of him. I do believe my husband and I are one in every sense of the word. Granted, he is still a man and he still has his moments...what man doesn't? lol but we are truly one and we have four beautiful children to show for it.

I know a lot of couples who don't live their lives as one working together. They have separate checking accounts, separate monies, separate lives, everything...and maybe that works for them. But for me and my husband, this works for us. We share everything, we talk about everything MOST of the time we can work out our differences. There is no mine/his/hers in our house...it is all OURS (except with the yorkies LOL he has his and I have mine!)

Honestly, you need to decide what works for you and your boyfriend. It is a personal decision that you and he should make together and agree upon. Only you know what is best and what will work for you.
I have been married for 1 1/2 years now, and I could not agree more with this statement. My parents have 3 daughters, so there will be no one to carry on my maiden name, but I will be naming one of my children my maiden name to honor it. I did not give a second thought to changing my last name. When my husband and I married, like Willow said, we became one. One life, one bank account, one last name. We are now a family and our family name is my husband's last name.
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:27 AM   #13
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I just recently got married in Sept. When I mention to my husband before we were married that I wanted to keep my maiden name because the name was going to end because everyone in the family were girls he freaked out on me. He pretty much said why get married if I was not going to take his name. He believed that when you get married you become one unit and that men are heads of the family and the women should take the family name. SO, I took my husband's name and found out I able to keep my maiden name also. On my SS card it reads my first name, middle, maiden, and married name, but everything else just reads my first and married.
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:38 AM   #14
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There was never a question on taking my husband's name My parent's had two girls so no boy's to lead on with our last name, but as far as that argument goes...who get's to decide which last name the babies from the marriage use???
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Old 01-09-2007, 07:38 AM   #15
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They let you have a joint bank account without having the same last name You can have all of those things and still keep your name. Or you can change your name and still have a really bad marriage. I think it is just one very small part and it is a choice. I don't think that people who changed their names made the wrong decision, I just think that they should have that choice. No one should feel pressured to change their name. If you want to change it, then do it. If you want to keep your name, then keep your name. I only feel bad when women say they loved their names but their husband insisted so they gave in.

I haven't had any problems with not changing mine, but I don't make a big deal about it either. If mail comes with the wrong name, I still know who it is for! I don't call the people and correct them. As long as you have a good attitude about it you will be fine!
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