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Old 01-05-2007, 09:14 AM   #1
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Default Alzheimers

Is anyone here dealing with a parent who has Alzheimers?
I live in Illinois and my mother lives in Florida. I just recently had to file for guardianship and put her in an assisted living facility. She is a brittle diabetic and wasn't taking her medications. She was also driving her car after her license was suspended. Fortunately she hasn't killed anyone. Before I went to court she almost burned her house down. She lit a pile of wood (That was right beside the house) and just walked off and left it.

Things are not going well. I am the only one taking any responsibility for her and she is the angry bitter type of victim. I might as well be the devil in her eyes. I call her and she hangs up on me or she cries that she is being held prisoner. She doesn't comprehend what is happening to her. She has talked to my husband and has told him some outlandish things but stayed in a fairly good mood while on the phone. Lately, however, she has been crying during the whole conversation.

Having to handle things long distance is both a curse and a blessing. The curse being that I have no way of knowing when she is telling me the truth. She says they don't feed her and they don't give her her medicine etc. When I put her in there I personally talked to many of the guest there to see how they liked it and they ALL said the liked (some loved) it. It is a beautiful facility and she has her own little studio apartment. I have given permission for her friends to pick her up for church on Sundays and Wednesdays and out to dinner if they want to, but she says they lock them out and no one has been to see her.

I'm not looking for any solutions but it would be nice to have someone who is going through the same thing for a friend.

Thanks for reading this.
L
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Old 01-05-2007, 09:20 AM   #2
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hi. i read your post and my heart is breaking for you. i am not in the same position as you (i am only 23) but i dread the day either of my parents becomes the child and i am put in the situation where i have to care for them. i can't imagine the stress you are feeling. i know there are other people on here going through similar situations and i hope you can find comfort with them knowing you are not alone.. you are doing the best you can for your mother and you know that. it still must be hard to see her the way she is. God Bless you and your family.
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:19 PM   #3
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Thanks Sweetie,
I appreciate it.
L
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:41 PM   #4
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i know it's not much.. but i just wanted you to know someone is thinking of you
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:55 PM   #5
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Default Lou, my prayers are with you

Dear Lou, this is so hard for you, Alzheimers is another devastating disease that far too many are having to endure. We just pray and pray that more will be done in the Medical field to help bring about a cure or help to slow down these horrible diseases. It is so heart wretching, keeping you in our prayers.
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:57 PM   #6
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I lost my dad to Alzhiemers five years after my mom passed from being a brittle diabetic and early alzhiemers also. it is a horrible disease. i tried to care for my dad but he would run off, try to fight me, curse and yell. II had to put him in a nursing home and he was so upset as long as he had any mind at all left. he thought I was mad at him. I just could not care for him. Finally, the day came when he no longer knew who i was. That was so heartbreaking. I will pray for you. My dad was hours away from me too except when i left my home and family to stay with him to try to care for him. it is so hard and so sad. I am sad thinking about it and always try not to. he was driving his car too right up until the day I put him in the nursing home. he had so many side swipes that day and kept driving. Also, he had a roll of money, thousands of dollars in his pocket and someone rolled him. he always wore white shirts and dress pants. everyday. he got to where he didn't clean up. Wouldn't eat or leave stuff on the stove. he tried to answer the phone with the remote when i first started noticing things. When I would go on the weekends to check on him after mommy died and before he got sick, After about a year or so, when he opened the door, he would look so happy and look past me and ask where mommy was. I would say, daddy, you know mommy died. he would say yes I know but where did you put her. Being a nurse, at first I thought he was sundowning as a lot of older people do. I miss my mommy and daddy. They were both diabetics but mommy was brittle and lived thru nine diabetic comass and two strokes before she died. I took care of her for three years and tried to take care of my daddy but I just couldn't do it.
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Old 01-05-2007, 12:58 PM   #7
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I no exactly what you ae dealing with. My cousin is in the same situation with his mother my aunt. she says that no one every goes and ses her when in reality she has about 6 to 8 visitors everyday also she says they never feed her and that she has to go home because they are holding her against her will. It is awful. She hits the nurses. She has turn into a very nasty person when she was the sweetest person it is really hard to deal with. The only thing i can tell you is that it does not get better until they really get to where they don.t remember things from one minute to the next. Just hang in there you really have no other choice. I will be praying for you.
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Old 01-05-2007, 02:29 PM   #8
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[QUOTE=Sugar's Mom] Being a nurse, at first I thought he was sundowning as a lot of older people do. QUOTE]

My daughter (she too is an R.N.) used the word sundowning, in referring to her father in law whom later was diagnosed with alzheimers. Now she is referring to her mother in law with sundowning. Can you explain what this is?

I am so very sorry about your parents. We have had close friends and family
come down with this terrible disease.

It is so difficult with those suffering from these debilitating diseases, so very sad. Patti
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Old 01-05-2007, 02:40 PM   #9
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Default Sundowning

[QUOTE=Baby Blessing]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sugar's Mom
Being a nurse, at first I thought he was sundowning as a lot of older people do. QUOTE]

My daughter (she too is an R.N.) used the word sundowning, in referring to her father in law whom later was diagnosed with alzheimers. Now she is referring to her mother in law with sundowning. Can you explain what this is?

I am so very sorry about your parents. We have had close friends and family
come down with this terrible disease.

It is so difficult with those suffering from these debilitating diseases, so very sad. Patti
Patti, when people get older sometimes in the late evening as things begin to dim, sometimes they get very confused. When daylight breaks the next day, for some unknown reason, they are fine and usually don't even remember the previous evening or if they do, they think it was a bad dream. Sundown, confusion, sunup all clear. Thus the term 'sundowning' is used widely in the medical field.
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Old 01-05-2007, 03:11 PM   #10
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I'm so sorry Lou that you are going through this. My MIL is in a nursing home now and has been for almost two years. She has cancer and it is spreading all over and to her brain. My husband visits her on Mon. and Fri. after work. (She's on his way home.) When he went this last Tuesday...she was sitting there crying. Her TV was off, which is unusual. She told him everyone thinks she's crazy. The staff doesn't think that at all. Yes it is hard for some of the aides...my MIL feels the need to urinate every 15-30 minutes. It's just the pressure from the cancer. When ever we've taken her to the bathroom, sometimes she'll go, sometimes not. It is so sad to watch her deterorate. She told him she wanted out of there and doesn't understand why us and her two daughters can't take turns taking care of her. She needs 24 hour medical care, we work. At least she is close and we can visit her often. I have a feeling we won't have her much longer. She is rapidly going down hill.

Know in your heart you're doing all the right things. I'll be thinking of you and saying a prayer.
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Old 01-05-2007, 03:45 PM   #11
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My father has it and I moved him and my mother 5 minutes from me in a Senior apartment and I take care of them. They are 87 years old and I am happy I can help them but it is depressing. We found a geriatric psychiatrist who put my dad on 2 meds that have really made a difference. He was having horrible hallucinations and anger at us and that has almost completely resolved for over a year now. I live in Illinois as well. It must be so difficult to be so far away. 2 1/2 years ago we had to move my FIL from Florida up to the same Senior Apartment by us and my husband and I took care of him until he passed away Novemebr '05.
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Old 01-05-2007, 10:17 PM   #12
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[QUOTE=Sugar's Mom]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby Blessing

Patti, when people get older sometimes in the late evening as things begin to dim, sometimes they get very confused. When daylight breaks the next day, for some unknown reason, they are fine and usually don't even remember the previous evening or if they do, they think it was a bad dream. Sundown, confusion, sunup all clear. Thus the term 'sundowning' is used widely in the medical field.
Thank you for explaining to me, it is so sad, my prayers for everyone and their loved one whom suffers these dreadful diseases and afflictions. Patti
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Old 01-06-2007, 12:25 AM   #13
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My Grandma had Alzhiemers and my mom tried for many years to take care of her. It got to be to much for her. My Grandma told people that my mom was giving her poison and tried to sneak out and run away many times. she also pushed my mom down the steps a few times. They can get very mean and really dont know they are being that way. Its terrible. My Grandma went to church all her life and never wore any thing but dresses. once she got that , she cursed and spit at people. we would try and hug her and she would pinch us. Its a hard thing to see someone go thru this. Im so sorry you and your mom have to go thru this.
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Old 01-06-2007, 07:07 AM   #14
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My mom and I take care of 2 elderly ladies who both have Alzheimers. It's a private home and we take care of them in my moms home, both ladies live here with my parents 24/7 and I come in 7 days a week for 8-4 and do the morning and afternoon routine.

I will tell you we have been in this business for 15 years (not always Alzheimers patients) and Alzheimers is one of the hardest dieases to deal with. My heart just goes out to these poor innocent people who are dealing with this and the familes. It's hard to sit back and watch are loved ones deal with something that is out of are hands. They can be so confused one minute and the next minute they are fine.

We have had Frances for a little over a year now and she came from a nursing home. when I went to visit her she held on to this stuffed dog and she told me she was locked up and they wouldnt let her out. Now that she has been with us for over a year, the doctors are just astonished by how she is doing, they told us they dont know what were doing but to keep it up! She no longer carries around the stuffed dog, it sits on her bed. She knows who we are and she is just a blessing to us. I'm sad to say that as I type this she is in the hospital, she has a bad infection in the bladder and it has spread to her stomach, she is on antibotics and the doctors think she will recover and be fine. But she has lost the strength in her legs, were not sure if she will get that back or not.

The new lady we have, we have only had her now going on 3 weeks, but she is very confused. Hopefully with time she will be a little better. Neither one of them are mean but the new one can get agitated at times, it's like she is so lost and has no idea where she is.

You just have to be patient with your mom, and it's going to make it very hard since she is far away from you, she really needs family and loved ones at this time.

Let me know if you ever need to talk!

Here is a pic of Frances, I dont have one yet of Virgina. Frances just turned 87!!!!!!!!
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Old 01-06-2007, 08:20 AM   #15
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Cry I went thru this myself

Lou:

Three years ago, I went thru this myself. Here are a few things that I learned that may be of help to you:

1. If at all possible, find you a good geriatric psychiatrist in Florida, who can make sure your mom is taking the right combination of meds. Believe me sometimes we had to change my mom's medications several times in a six month period, before we found the right combo for her.

2. Talk to someone in social services or the nurses station where your mom is staying and build a good rapport with them, so anytime night or day you are thinking about your mom or worried, you can pick up the phone and call.

3. Know that you are doing the very best that you can and be at peace with yourself at that.

4. check around in your own city for any organization, groups, hospital, or church for like people in the same situation, you will be surprised at the help and understanding that you will find.

5. you are not alone in the boat. It's going to take a little research, but there are great people that are more than willilng to help you and your mom.

6. At last and most important, and this is an absolute must...take some time every day for just Lou. Do something just for yourself.

I was in the same situation, as I had no one to help me with my mom and it was overwhelming at times, but thru prayer and help from the right people you will get through this.. If you every want to talk just PM and I will give you my e-mail address.

My heart and prayers are with you...It's like dealing with two deaths...one of their personality and the last one their body...You prepare yourself mentally for their death, but you can never prepare your heart...

Lynn
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