HELP etiquette question - YorkieTalk.com Forums

orinskye · 12-09-2006, 09:32 PM

okay, I just got married.
It was in Vegas, we were planning it for a while, and we decided to keep it just in the IMMEDIATE family which is brother sisters and parents. So we get married and we send out anouncements the day after. Several people are pretty upset I guess because they werent invited and knew nothing about it(one of them is my uncle who did not even invite me to his wedding) and another is my grandmother.
You would think these people would be happy for me, but apparently not.
My grandmother was so pissed that she only sent us a PRE-PRINTED card and wrote her name at the bottom. There was no gift, no heartfelt congrats, I am thinking about writing her a thank you note for the "warm thoughts" and "I'm sorry she couldnt come to the reception" (which she was invited too and is tommorrow morning)... what do you think? I am sick of this childish behavior!

Monday · 12-09-2006, 09:56 PM

Congratulatioins on your marriage ... I don't know what to tell you, but you are inviting them to the reception ... so can't they understand that you wanted a small ceremony?

Amber_lv · 12-09-2006, 10:02 PM

you will always have someone who is upset they couldn't come but you have to do what is best for you. Just explain that you wanted it small and couldn't have everyone there and do send thank you notes even if they didn't come it will make them see that you weren't doing it out of spite. Congrats on your marriage i know it is hard in this situation good luck

orinskye · 12-09-2006, 10:05 PM

It was one of those situations. I have a HUGE family, so if I invited one person I had to invite EVERYONE (and i mean HUGE extended family) so I was "damned if I did" and apparently "I am damned coz I didn't".
I did not want the interference (my family is VERY controlling) and I wanted it to be simple (which would not have been teh case if the whole family was involved) and now I can't wait until tomorrow is over so that I can just get everything over with (I know that it is sad, because it should be a happy thing..... but my family is making it not so much)
My grandmother was upset because other people knew before she did (and we still have no idea what she is talking about because my mother called her after the fricken ceremony)
So do you all think I should send the thank you card to her even though she obviously was trying to be nasty (and obviously nasty at that) about the whole ordeal or do you guys think I should drop it, not send her anything, and move on to better people

Amber_lv · 12-09-2006, 10:08 PM

well i would just so she has nothing further to grip about she could say "i sent her a card and she couldn't even send me a thank you note" trust me the grandparentd get all obsessed about thank you cards. She just has her nose out of joint i'm not sure how close you are with her but i'm sure she just feels left out. the best phrase i can say is kill em with kindness lol

Monday · 12-09-2006, 10:23 PM

send a thank you .... and as Amber said ... "kill 'em with Kindness" and as Dr. Joy Browne (radio psychologist) always sez ... "act stupid and be cheerful" ...
Enjoy your reception ... itz both your and your hubby's day ....Don't sweat the small stuff ....

Safire · 12-10-2006, 06:48 AM

I think it's just in the older generation that they can't understand why someone would want to get married and not have their entire friggin' family there to watch (and criticize if you ask me...

)

I got married in 2003 in the Dominican Republic with a small group of immediate family...we were 7 people total. It was fabulous and I wouldn't have changed a thing if I had to do it all over again. I was stress-free and able to *enjoy* my day with the people who mattered most...without the annoying and critical members of our family to ruin it for me. I'm sorry, but every family has them! Mine was not a secret, the family knew about it, but I didn't send out invitations and my mom discreetly informed our family that it was to be a very private and personal ceremony. I didn't even have a reception when I got home, but people still sent gifts (even though I wasn't expecting it). I sent out beautiful announcement cards afterwards including photos for everyone...and as far as I know no one was offended or hurt (at least they didn't tell me if they were).

I think you should do as Monday mentioned and "kill her with kindness". Send the thank you note and be done with it. Hopefully the dust will settle and you can get over this bump in your relationship with Grandma. If you plan on having kids, I bet that will smooth those bumps down right quick! I'm sure it's just a generational thing...destination weddings are still a pretty fresh idea. How much fun you must have had getting married in Vegas!!!

Safire · 12-10-2006, 06:58 AM

Oh! and I almost forgot...

WE WANT PICTURES!!!

I'll post some of mine if you'll post yours!

FlDebra · 12-10-2006, 07:42 AM

Just chiming in to add my vote to the "Kill 'em with Kindness" tactic. Just be oblivious to the nay-sayers -- just bask in the love you and your new husband share. The reception is for you and him -- the others are there to congratulate you.

I might even make an early annoucement saying "Thank you all for being so kind and understanding of our need for a small ceremony with only the immediate family -- believe me our hearts were with you all and we are so happy that yours are with us as we start our married life!"

ENJOY and CONTGRATULATIONS!

ChestersMom · 12-10-2006, 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monday

send a thank you .... and as Amber said ... "kill 'em with Kindness" and as Dr. Joy Browne (radio psychologist) always sez ... "act stupid and be cheerful" ...
Enjoy your reception ... itz both your and your hubby's day ....Don't sweat the small stuff ....

Sorry to get off-post, but I love that "act stupid and be cheerful." I'm going to store that in my vastly depleting brain cells!

12-09-2006, 09:32 PM	#1
orinskye YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: California Posts: 2,990	HELP etiquette question okay, I just got married. It was in Vegas, we were planning it for a while, and we decided to keep it just in the IMMEDIATE family which is brother sisters and parents. So we get married and we send out anouncements the day after. Several people are pretty upset I guess because they werent invited and knew nothing about it(one of them is my uncle who did not even invite me to his wedding) and another is my grandmother. You would think these people would be happy for me, but apparently not. My grandmother was so pissed that she only sent us a PRE-PRINTED card and wrote her name at the bottom. There was no gift, no heartfelt congrats, I am thinking about writing her a thank you note for the "warm thoughts" and "I'm sorry she couldnt come to the reception" (which she was invited too and is tommorrow morning)... what do you think? I am sick of this childish behavior!

12-09-2006, 09:56 PM	#2
Monday AND Friday also! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,240	Congratulatioins on your marriage ... I don't know what to tell you, but you are inviting them to the reception ... so can't they understand that you wanted a small ceremony? __________________ Like dogs, we should sniff butts, not kiss them. Dogs have more friends because they wag their tails, not their tongues. http://music.clevver.com/video/25815...ersion-300.php

12-09-2006, 10:02 PM	#3
Amber_lv Peeka Boo I See You! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Salt Lake Posts: 7,066 Blog Entries: 3	you will always have someone who is upset they couldn't come but you have to do what is best for you. Just explain that you wanted it small and couldn't have everyone there and do send thank you notes even if they didn't come it will make them see that you weren't doing it out of spite. Congrats on your marriage i know it is hard in this situation good luck __________________ Peeka-Boo-Daisy-Designs <---Click Here Peeka's MyspaceDaisy's Myspace Peeka's Dogster

12-09-2006, 10:08 PM	#5
Amber_lv Peeka Boo I See You! Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Salt Lake Posts: 7,066 Blog Entries: 3	well i would just so she has nothing further to grip about she could say "i sent her a card and she couldn't even send me a thank you note" trust me the grandparentd get all obsessed about thank you cards. She just has her nose out of joint i'm not sure how close you are with her but i'm sure she just feels left out. the best phrase i can say is kill em with kindness lol __________________ Peeka-Boo-Daisy-Designs <---Click Here Peeka's MyspaceDaisy's Myspace Peeka's Dogster

12-09-2006, 10:23 PM	#6
Monday AND Friday also! Donating Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: USA Posts: 3,240	send a thank you .... and as Amber said ... "kill 'em with Kindness" and as Dr. Joy Browne (radio psychologist) always sez ... "act stupid and be cheerful" ... Enjoy your reception ... itz both your and your hubby's day ....Don't sweat the small stuff .... __________________ Like dogs, we should sniff butts, not kiss them. Dogs have more friends because they wag their tails, not their tongues. http://music.clevver.com/video/25815...ersion-300.php

12-09-2006, 10:05 PM	#4
orinskye YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: California Posts: 2,990	It was one of those situations. I have a HUGE family, so if I invited one person I had to invite EVERYONE (and i mean HUGE extended family) so I was "damned if I did" and apparently "I am damned coz I didn't". I did not want the interference (my family is VERY controlling) and I wanted it to be simple (which would not have been teh case if the whole family was involved) and now I can't wait until tomorrow is over so that I can just get everything over with (I know that it is sad, because it should be a happy thing..... but my family is making it not so much) My grandmother was upset because other people knew before she did (and we still have no idea what she is talking about because my mother called her after the fricken ceremony) So do you all think I should send the thank you card to her even though she obviously was trying to be nasty (and obviously nasty at that) about the whole ordeal or do you guys think I should drop it, not send her anything, and move on to better people

12-10-2006, 06:48 AM	#7
Safire Addicted to Tetley Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 919	I think it's just in the older generation that they can't understand why someone would want to get married and not have their entire friggin' family there to watch (and criticize if you ask me... ) I got married in 2003 in the Dominican Republic with a small group of immediate family...we were 7 people total. It was fabulous and I wouldn't have changed a thing if I had to do it all over again. I was stress-free and able to enjoy my day with the people who mattered most...without the annoying and critical members of our family to ruin it for me. I'm sorry, but every family has them! Mine was not a secret, the family knew about it, but I didn't send out invitations and my mom discreetly informed our family that it was to be a very private and personal ceremony. I didn't even have a reception when I got home, but people still sent gifts (even though I wasn't expecting it). I sent out beautiful announcement cards afterwards including photos for everyone...and as far as I know no one was offended or hurt (at least they didn't tell me if they were). I think you should do as Monday mentioned and "kill her with kindness". Send the thank you note and be done with it. Hopefully the dust will settle and you can get over this bump in your relationship with Grandma. If you plan on having kids, I bet that will smooth those bumps down right quick! I'm sure it's just a generational thing...destination weddings are still a pretty fresh idea. How much fun you must have had getting married in Vegas!!! __________________ Safire Tetley See me on Dogster: http://www.dogster.com/?452576

12-10-2006, 06:58 AM	#8
Safire Addicted to Tetley Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Toronto, Canada Posts: 919	Oh! and I almost forgot... WE WANT PICTURES!!! I'll post some of mine if you'll post yours! __________________ Safire Tetley See me on Dogster: http://www.dogster.com/?452576

12-10-2006, 07:42 AM	#9
FlDebra Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL Posts: 2,407	Just chiming in to add my vote to the "Kill 'em with Kindness" tactic. Just be oblivious to the nay-sayers -- just bask in the love you and your new husband share. The reception is for you and him -- the others are there to congratulate you. I might even make an early annoucement saying "Thank you all for being so kind and understanding of our need for a small ceremony with only the immediate family -- believe me our hearts were with you all and we are so happy that yours are with us as we start our married life!" ENJOY and CONTGRATULATIONS! __________________ FlDebra and the Gang Ben Candy Katie Mercedes (AKA Sadie) Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail." - Henry Wheeler Shaw