|
Welcome to the YorkieTalk.com Forums Community - the community for Yorkshire Terriers. You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. You will be able to chat with over 35,000 YorkieTalk members, read over 2,000,000 posted discussions, and view more than 15,000 Yorkie photos in the YorkieTalk Photo Gallery after you register. We would love to have you as a member! Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please click here to contact us. |
|
| LinkBack | Thread Tools |
11-16-2006, 01:12 PM | #1 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,685
| Pet Syndrome Rec'd this in an email and loved it!!!! If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out loud! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!" "Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife. "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this sarcastically!). "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth). "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed. "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!). By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked. "Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged. "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results. "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?) "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap. "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.). The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested scientifically. "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs.Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked. "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen . . . Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um . . . um . . . masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife. We were silent, absorbing this. "So, Ernie's just . . . just . . . excited," my wife offered. "Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly. "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just . . . that . . . I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its . . . teeny little . . ." She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad," he told me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter. Two lizards: $140. One cage: $50. Trip to the vet: $30. Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie: Priceless! Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class. Lizards lay eggs.
__________________ Janet |
Welcome Guest! | |
11-16-2006, 01:17 PM | #2 |
No Longer A Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 16,218
| LOL. That was refreshing after reading so many tragic stories on here today. Thank you very much for the good laugh. Carol & Buddy |
11-16-2006, 01:25 PM | #3 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Michigan
Posts: 681
| Pfffffft! Nice!!! |
11-16-2006, 01:26 PM | #4 |
Mommy To 3 Poochies Donating Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New York
Posts: 8,287
| hahaha that was hilarious!!!
__________________ Mommy Loves Codie, Tia & Baby Cali RIP My Precious Katie - I Love You |
11-16-2006, 01:32 PM | #5 |
Donating YT 2000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: FL
Posts: 7,651
| I can't stop laughing, tears in the eyes, side hurting, serious laughing going on here! If laughter is the best medicine, I am good for another 50,000 miles. This is the funniest thing I have read this year -- it better be or else I am just plain losing it!
__________________ FlDebra and her ABCs Annie, Ben, Candy Promoting Healthy Breeding to the AKC Yorkshire Terrier Standard |
11-16-2006, 01:45 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Irving, TX
Posts: 3,180
| Too funny!!
__________________ Christie and Sadie |
11-16-2006, 02:03 PM | #7 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,279
| I so need that!!! |
11-16-2006, 02:11 PM | #8 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Florida
Posts: 219
| OH...That is a "HOOT"!!!!! |
11-16-2006, 02:19 PM | #9 |
I Love My Yorkies Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Indianapolis, Indiana
Posts: 37,147
| Oh that is hilarious
__________________ Chachi's & Jewels Mom Jewels http://www.dogster.com/?132431Chachi http://www.dogster.com/?132427 |
11-16-2006, 02:50 PM | #10 |
Cosmo, Minnie, and Lillian Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: New York
Posts: 3,107
| |
11-16-2006, 06:45 PM | #12 |
Mojo, LilyGrace & Me Donating Member Moderator Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: cuddling with my babies<3
Posts: 17,329
| Omg!!! That Was Hilarious!!!!
__________________ Hi I'm Jenn Mom to..... Mojo,LilyGrace & DD Kate RIP Mojo FOREVER in our hearts! |
11-16-2006, 08:30 PM | #13 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Great!! I think I just wet my pants!! Thanks!! My ex tried to flush our angel fish once and my daughter found it. My husband told her oh that's just toilet paper. She wanted to know why the toilet paper had lips.....
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
11-16-2006, 08:58 PM | #14 |
Donating YT 10K Club Member Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Alabama
Posts: 17,674
| Oh how funny! Gives a whole new meaning to playing with your pet lizzard. |
11-18-2006, 06:32 PM | #15 |
Kodi & Pixie 2 Donating Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: NEBRASKA
Posts: 14,766
| I loved that story. I used to have lizards soIt hit home. Ofcourse i was thinking the whole time." don't they know lizards lay eggs?" |
Bookmarks |
|
|
Thread Tools | |
| |
|
|
SHOP NOW: Amazon :: eBay :: Buy.com :: Newegg :: PetStore :: Petco :: PetSmart