Men just don't get it!!!!! - YorkieTalk.com Forums

Rockster's Mom · 08-17-2006, 09:34 AM

My fiance just does not get it right know and does not understand why I am sitting in my office crying right now. My Fiance and I live in Fort Worth, but he has this new job where he works in New Orleans for 3-4 weeks at a time, well he flew home on Tuesday night at 9pm. I got to spend alittle time with him that night, I had to work on Wednesday, and his friend flew in from LA on Wednesday night. Well there went spending time with him after work. Anyways, the reason why is friend flew in was because is going to visit he uncle in Marble Falls (near Austin), but he flew into DFW because he still needed to get his Tux reserved and see our daughter (his god daughter). Well the original plan was that me, my fiance, and his friend were all going to Marble Falls together, but my work would not let me take Thurs and Fri off because I am taking a week and a half next month. I told my fiance that I did not mind if he still wanted to go, but asked if they could come back Saturday afternoon, since he is flying back to New Orleans on Monday. He agreed!!! Well know he say they MIGHT be back Sat night late like 10-11 pm. I asked why they could not come home earlier, and he said it was because his friend's uncle paid for his plane tickets to/from LA and he a was suspose to stay until Sunday. Keep in mind they have to even talked this guy's uncle yet about the situation, so of course I got alittle upset. Well my fiance popped off a said that it not his fault that I could not go with them and he was not going to change there original plans. He also tried to put a guilt trip on me about saying how is works 6 days a week in the heat in the worst part of New Orleans and lives in a dump. Well, I told him that all I do is work, keep up the house, yard, pets, and I take care of our daughter (my stepdaughter really) who is five and just started school, and I never get to go do anything unlike him, who goes & hangs out with co-workers on Bourbon Street on Saturday nights. I really did not think asking him to come on Saturday early was to much to ask, and he does not get why I am so upset. Sorry this is so long, but I just don't of anyone else to talk to. Thanks guys for listening.

vainchick5 · 08-17-2006, 10:12 AM

Aww well I don't blame you for being upset. I would have a hissy fit if my b/f did that I was taking care of HIS daughter and household while he goes out to have a ball.

I wouldn't back down if I was you. Relationships are about compromise and by the sound of this particular incident, you have more than compromised by letting him go without you, and merely asking him to come back and spend time with you and his daughter.

Yorkie3 · 08-17-2006, 10:18 AM

It's hard to talk about things when you or he are upset. Try just talking, talking calmly and non confrontational and let him know why you are upset. He probably saw you got upset, then he got defensive, then you got defensive and since you don't see each other very much that's sad. So try explaining to him calmly your feelings and then LET him telll you how he feels, without interrupting. None of us can really help how we FEEL, we just have to keep the communication lines open...calmly.

Rockster's Mom · 08-17-2006, 11:50 AM

I have been very calm and really thinking about what I say before I say it, which I would have to say is really hard for me because I much rather knock some since into him. I just talked to to him and I just now found out that the real reason why his friend was flown for free to Texas this weekend was because they are having a family reunion type thing going on at his Uncle's cabin in Marble Falls this weekend. I was under the impression that the trip was just to hangout at this cabin and play on the lake, not a big shindig. Now I am really pissed because now to me it sounds like he much rather spend time with some elses family than his own. Of course, I thought that out loud on the phone (oops!!!!), and he said that if he had stayed home on Thurs and Fri he would be bored because I would be at work and our daughter would be at school. OHH whaa, like I don't sit at home on the weekends by myself when our daughter goes to stay with her grandparents on the weekends. Thank God, for Rocky who keeps me company!!!!

vainchick5 · 08-17-2006, 12:11 PM

Sorry but that to me, is completely unacceptable. That's just my opinion, and I would NEVER put up with that kind of lack of consideration. Stand up for yourself girl.

ehunney · 08-17-2006, 01:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

Sorry but that to me, is completely unacceptable. That's just my opinion, and I would NEVER put up with that kind of lack of consideration. Stand up for yourself girl.

Ditto! Let him know how you feel. Let him now that his actions are unintentionally hurting you, and you feel like your being put on the back burner for his friend. He may not even know that he's hurting your feelings.They can be so overly clueless sometimes.*Sigh*, men really DON"T get it

Sadie's Mom · 08-17-2006, 02:02 PM

So sorry you're going through that...you're right, though...guys just don't get it. Sadie sends you Yorkie Kisses to make you feel better!

MinMuf1 · 08-17-2006, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vainchick5

Sorry but that to me, is completely unacceptable. That's just my opinion, and I would NEVER put up with that kind of lack of consideration. Stand up for yourself girl.

Couldn't have said it better myself!!!

LuvtheCooper · 08-17-2006, 03:21 PM

Also, he might be trying to save face in front of the friend. I'm not sticking up for him, by any means, you and his daughter SHOULD come first...I'm just thinking why he isn't being understanding of your feelings. Sometimes guys don't want to look like wusses in front of their friends. I hate to talk on the phone to my husband when he is hanging out with his friends, because he talk to me differently. I think saving face with the "guys" really motivates a lot of not nice behavior in men.

Zoey's Momma · 08-17-2006, 03:40 PM

Rockster's Mom · 08-17-2006, 05:19 PM

I finally got to talk to him when he was in th car by himself going to the store. He said that he was being selfish and did not think (as usually) to tell me that it was a family gathering and he was sorry. He said that he would talk to his friend and his friend uncle about leaving earlier on Saturday, but he said that could make promises. Wish is okay, I guess. I am still pretty upset with him because he did hurt my feeling. Plus when I picked our daughter from daycare today she told me she missed him and wish he did have to go with her Uncle Ryan today, so did not help much. Anyways he said he would take a couple more days of from work and stay home (he works contract so he can do that).

BTW, why do guys of to think they have to be different infront of their friends!!! That really bugs me.

yorkieangel · 08-17-2006, 06:11 PM

HA... my hubby's stuff would SOOO all be laying in the front yard if he pulled that with me.

HMM I notice you tried to soften it in your last post ... but facts still are he is doing JUST WHAT HE WANTS... even if he soft soaps it to you

Shanatink · 08-17-2006, 07:28 PM

Im so sorry, well at least Rocky can be a dependable guy in your life!

JeanieK · 08-17-2006, 07:34 PM

Typical MAN trick. they know they are wrong, so they turn it all around on you to take themselves out of the hot seat.

You're right. they just don't get it.

Men are JERKS. But we still love them.

Rockster's Mom · 08-18-2006, 06:25 AM

Well girls, I just lost my cool with him. He told me this morning that it is looking like they are going to be back by noon on Sunday, and well lets just say that was icing on the cake. I just went of on him and told him he was forgeting his responsiblities at home and he was putting his family on the back burner. He tried to explain to me that it was out of his hands because of his friend's uncle. Well, last time I checked him and his friend are adults and should be able to explain the situation to this guys uncle. I am sure he would understand. My fiance is only being like this because of this friend of his. For some reason when this guy comes to visit my fiance changes into a totally different person, and is pisses me off. I informed him that his friend is no longer allowed in my home and that when they get back on Sunday and after they get this guys tux rented, then this guy needs to disappear. I do not care were he goes until his flight at 5:30pm. My fiance was like why can't his friend just hangout at the house, well I told him that since he decided to ditch his family for 3 full days with this guy and his family, that he (my fiance) is going to spend all day with me and his daughter without his friend or complianants on what we want to do or were we go. Plus he now has a huge honey-do list that has to been done before he leaves to go back to New Orleans, and he will have to take his daughter to and from school also. Plus, I told him I did not want see any of his friends at our house when gets home, because he will spending the rest of his time off with his family.

08-17-2006, 09:34 AM	#1
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	Men just don't get it!!!!! My fiance just does not get it right know and does not understand why I am sitting in my office crying right now. My Fiance and I live in Fort Worth, but he has this new job where he works in New Orleans for 3-4 weeks at a time, well he flew home on Tuesday night at 9pm. I got to spend alittle time with him that night, I had to work on Wednesday, and his friend flew in from LA on Wednesday night. Well there went spending time with him after work. Anyways, the reason why is friend flew in was because is going to visit he uncle in Marble Falls (near Austin), but he flew into DFW because he still needed to get his Tux reserved and see our daughter (his god daughter). Well the original plan was that me, my fiance, and his friend were all going to Marble Falls together, but my work would not let me take Thurs and Fri off because I am taking a week and a half next month. I told my fiance that I did not mind if he still wanted to go, but asked if they could come back Saturday afternoon, since he is flying back to New Orleans on Monday. He agreed!!! Well know he say they MIGHT be back Sat night late like 10-11 pm. I asked why they could not come home earlier, and he said it was because his friend's uncle paid for his plane tickets to/from LA and he a was suspose to stay until Sunday. Keep in mind they have to even talked this guy's uncle yet about the situation, so of course I got alittle upset. Well my fiance popped off a said that it not his fault that I could not go with them and he was not going to change there original plans. He also tried to put a guilt trip on me about saying how is works 6 days a week in the heat in the worst part of New Orleans and lives in a dump. Well, I told him that all I do is work, keep up the house, yard, pets, and I take care of our daughter (my stepdaughter really) who is five and just started school, and I never get to go do anything unlike him, who goes & hangs out with co-workers on Bourbon Street on Saturday nights. I really did not think asking him to come on Saturday early was to much to ask, and he does not get why I am so upset. Sorry this is so long, but I just don't of anyone else to talk to. Thanks guys for listening.

08-17-2006, 10:12 AM	#2
vainchick5 YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA Posts: 6,588	Aww well I don't blame you for being upset. I would have a hissy fit if my b/f did that I was taking care of HIS daughter and household while he goes out to have a ball. I wouldn't back down if I was you. Relationships are about compromise and by the sound of this particular incident, you have more than compromised by letting him go without you, and merely asking him to come back and spend time with you and his daughter. __________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco

08-17-2006, 10:18 AM	#3
Yorkie3 Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Indiana Posts: 4,685	It's hard to talk about things when you or he are upset. Try just talking, talking calmly and non confrontational and let him know why you are upset. He probably saw you got upset, then he got defensive, then you got defensive and since you don't see each other very much that's sad. So try explaining to him calmly your feelings and then LET him telll you how he feels, without interrupting. None of us can really help how we FEEL, we just have to keep the communication lines open...calmly. __________________ Janet

08-17-2006, 12:11 PM	#5
vainchick5 YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA Posts: 6,588	Sorry but that to me, is completely unacceptable. That's just my opinion, and I would NEVER put up with that kind of lack of consideration. Stand up for yourself girl. __________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco

08-17-2006, 02:02 PM	#7
Sadie's Mom Donating YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Irving, TX Posts: 3,180	So sorry you're going through that...you're right, though...guys just don't get it. Sadie sends you Yorkie Kisses to make you feel better! __________________ Christie and Sadie

08-17-2006, 11:50 AM	#4
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	I have been very calm and really thinking about what I say before I say it, which I would have to say is really hard for me because I much rather knock some since into him. I just talked to to him and I just now found out that the real reason why his friend was flown for free to Texas this weekend was because they are having a family reunion type thing going on at his Uncle's cabin in Marble Falls this weekend. I was under the impression that the trip was just to hangout at this cabin and play on the lake, not a big shindig. Now I am really pissed because now to me it sounds like he much rather spend time with some elses family than his own. Of course, I thought that out loud on the phone (oops!!!!), and he said that if he had stayed home on Thurs and Fri he would be bored because I would be at work and our daughter would be at school. OHH whaa, like I don't sit at home on the weekends by myself when our daughter goes to stay with her grandparents on the weekends. Thank God, for Rocky who keeps me company!!!!

08-17-2006, 03:21 PM	#9
LuvtheCooper & LuvtheCarley too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wa State/Texas Posts: 1,625	Also, he might be trying to save face in front of the friend. I'm not sticking up for him, by any means, you and his daughter SHOULD come first...I'm just thinking why he isn't being understanding of your feelings. Sometimes guys don't want to look like wusses in front of their friends. I hate to talk on the phone to my husband when he is hanging out with his friends, because he talk to me differently. I think saving face with the "guys" really motivates a lot of not nice behavior in men. __________________ Delaina Cooper & Carley

08-17-2006, 03:40 PM	#10
Zoey's Momma Luv My Butterflies Donating Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: The Big Easy Posts: 2,083

08-17-2006, 05:19 PM	#11
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	I finally got to talk to him when he was in th car by himself going to the store. He said that he was being selfish and did not think (as usually) to tell me that it was a family gathering and he was sorry. He said that he would talk to his friend and his friend uncle about leaving earlier on Saturday, but he said that could make promises. Wish is okay, I guess. I am still pretty upset with him because he did hurt my feeling. Plus when I picked our daughter from daycare today she told me she missed him and wish he did have to go with her Uncle Ryan today, so did not help much. Anyways he said he would take a couple more days of from work and stay home (he works contract so he can do that). BTW, why do guys of to think they have to be different infront of their friends!!! That really bugs me.

08-17-2006, 06:11 PM	#12
yorkieangel Rescue Angel Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: md Posts: 1,530	HA... my hubby's stuff would SOOO all be laying in the front yard if he pulled that with me. HMM I notice you tried to soften it in your last post ... but facts still are he is doing JUST WHAT HE WANTS... even if he soft soaps it to you __________________ Yorkieangel

08-17-2006, 07:28 PM	#13
Shanatink Mommy to 3 Princesses Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: DFW Texas Posts: 11,030	Im so sorry, well at least Rocky can be a dependable guy in your life! __________________ Custom Dog Clothing Boutique www.TinkerbellsCloset.com

08-17-2006, 07:34 PM	#14
JeanieK Donating YT 12K Club Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Council Bluffs Iowa Posts: 12,552	Typical MAN trick. they know they are wrong, so they turn it all around on you to take themselves out of the hot seat. You're right. they just don't get it. Men are JERKS. But we still love them.

08-18-2006, 06:25 AM	#15
Rockster's Mom Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas Posts: 1,279	Well girls, I just lost my cool with him. He told me this morning that it is looking like they are going to be back by noon on Sunday, and well lets just say that was icing on the cake. I just went of on him and told him he was forgeting his responsiblities at home and he was putting his family on the back burner. He tried to explain to me that it was out of his hands because of his friend's uncle. Well, last time I checked him and his friend are adults and should be able to explain the situation to this guys uncle. I am sure he would understand. My fiance is only being like this because of this friend of his. For some reason when this guy comes to visit my fiance changes into a totally different person, and is pisses me off. I informed him that his friend is no longer allowed in my home and that when they get back on Sunday and after they get this guys tux rented, then this guy needs to disappear. I do not care were he goes until his flight at 5:30pm. My fiance was like why can't his friend just hangout at the house, well I told him that since he decided to ditch his family for 3 full days with this guy and his family, that he (my fiance) is going to spend all day with me and his daughter without his friend or complianants on what we want to do or were we go. Plus he now has a huge honey-do list that has to been done before he leaves to go back to New Orleans, and he will have to take his daughter to and from school also. Plus, I told him I did not want see any of his friends at our house when gets home, because he will spending the rest of his time off with his family.