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07-12-2006, 12:02 PM | #1 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| ? for single custodial parents.... I'm in a quandary. I have a question for single parents who receive support and/or for the parent paying support. Short story: I've been divorced for 4 years. My kids are now 16 & 15, at age 12 I was eligible to adjust child support, but I never have. In WA you can every 2 years. Anyway, I get 592 a month... however, I've really been struggling lately so I decided to adjust support. Gas has gone up, my rent has gone up, cost of living is up, their clothes are more now, there's medical bills... you get the idea. My ex and I have had an amicable divorce and a still friends. However, he was a tad upset by my decision. He doesn't really want to give me more money... again, you get the idea. Anyway, I finally got his financial information and It's another 530 some dollars!!! yikes, Now here's my quandary. We need the money, but I don't want to create a hardship for him.... Am I being too nice nice and need to suck it up or what? What has been your guys' experience? I know it's what I need to do, I'm just having a hard time doing it. We've remained friendly so far and I don't want it to become an issue for the girls. Remarks have been made to them in the past about how I have all the money and stuff, and he's not real good about chipping in for above and beyond...
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
Welcome Guest! | |
07-12-2006, 12:07 PM | #2 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: Michigan
Posts: 681
| I had my daughter when I was 19. (She's now almost 9). Her father and I set up child support when she was two (he was going to be moving 2300 miles away) and I've received the same amt for the last 7 years. I've considered having it re-adjusted but like you, I don't want to "screw" him. I'm not sure why I don't want to screw him (being that he's had no contact w/his daughter for over 7 years!!! ) but I just don't feel right doing it. I only get $175.00 every two weeks. I could use more but like I said, I just don't feel right asking for more, or hassling him. I'm also afraid if he thinks I'm being greedy, he'll quit his job and go elsewhere, and then I'll be w/out until they find him. |
07-12-2006, 12:51 PM | #3 |
YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Mt. Ulla, NC
Posts: 683
| I think it's great that you getting money from child support and I'm glad their a little better than they use to be about making fathers pay their part. My mom and dad split up when I was 2 yrs. old and he never gave her a penny until I was 14yrs. old....OK enough about me.... Here's what I THINK I would do in your situation. (Keyword: THINK, b/c I've never been in your situation) : Maybe you could try adding up your monthly expenses that you spend on your children. Clothes, food, medicine, dental, doctor, etc. and don't forget about your rent and power and things that you have to pay to provide heat and a/c and a roof ontop of their heads. You said you have a 16yr. old, well I know your ins. has jumped up alot with that. Maybe before taking on all the x-tra money and it being a suprise to him, maybe you could add up and show a list of all your expenses that you have to take care of all of BOTH of your kids. It may be a slap in the face to double up the payment without knowledge of where the money is going. Just an opinion Crystal
__________________ RIP My little Lucy Live forever my Lucy Too, Tank and Annabelle |
07-12-2006, 12:52 PM | #4 |
& LuvtheCarley too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Wa State/Texas
Posts: 1,625
| Since you get along well and are friends, could you not explain to him you are eligible to get 500+ more dollars...you don't think that amount is fair and work out something between the two of you that you both find fair. Maybe if you approach it this way, he will see you aren't trying to just get all the money you can, but that you do need more and he will understand. Hope it works out for you.
__________________ Delaina Cooper & Carley |
07-12-2006, 12:59 PM | #5 |
No Longer a Member Join Date: May 2006 Location: Louisiana
Posts: 314
| Holy cow!! My husband pays $650 per month for one kid!!! You are getting jipped! |
07-12-2006, 01:05 PM | #6 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Thanks guys i just needed some other view and opinions. I have talked to him about bills and such... he just doesn't think the kids spend that much a month. For medical bills he thinks he shouldn't have to pay because he provides the insurance. Technically he is to pay 54% of what is not covered per the divorce papers. However his position is that that means if the kids break a leg or something. For the past 2 years I've asked him to help with school clothes and he hasn't. He talks to the girls and they tell him they don't need anything, because of past conversations that he has no money because I have it. For prom I asked him to help and he gave us $50. Better then nothing but still not even close to a third of what was spent. Anyway, now I sound like I'm whinning.... sorry.
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
07-12-2006, 01:17 PM | #7 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Albany
Posts: 186
| Well being that I am in a similiar situation, I will tell you what I did less than 3 months ago. My daughter is 6 years old and I have been getting child support since she was about 6 months old. Her father lives in Louisiana and we have managed to remain friends. Over the years I have chosen not to adjust his child support for fear that it would cause conflict in our relationship. I chose to fill out the paperwork for the adjustment. I told my ex what I was doing and why and although he was upset at first he has calmed down. He knows that it takes alot more than what I was getting to support her. I am not telling you how to decide but if they are willing to go up on your support by almost double what you are getting now. SOMEBODY is living really well off while you're needing an extra boost! I promise they wouldn't have awarded you that amount if he wasn't able to handle it. But if you really don't think you need that much more, tell the courts how much you are willing to settle for. Because like you said, he isn't going to chip in and go above and beyond on his own and you can always save the rest for their college or save it for a rainy day. I am now getting like 350 more and although I really don't need it because my budget was in place before the adjustment, I am just putting it in her savings account. That way when she is 21 she will have a little nesting egg to start with! I know that this decision is not an easy one, but make the decision that is going to be best for your children.
__________________ Tameika and Beauty "Good Things Come To Those Who Wait" |
07-12-2006, 01:23 PM | #8 | |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Albany
Posts: 186
| You're not whining! Quote:
__________________ Tameika and Beauty "Good Things Come To Those Who Wait" | |
07-12-2006, 01:32 PM | #9 |
Luv my Angel, too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 9,333
| Please let me give you an opinion from the oldest of 5 children, whose parents divorced when I was 12. My mom had been a stay-at-home mom until the divorce. My dad was supposed to pay our medical bills and $500 a month total in child support. He didn't pay a dime of anything for five years! To make a very long story short - he married our neighbor (after she divorced 6 months later) and parented her three kids - although she received child support. That was always his first responsiblity. Mom worked 3 jobs just to make the house payment, which wasn't that much. Within 6 months we were on welfare, food stamps and medicaid. That lasted until my mom finally received some good advice and garnered his wages. She didn't adjust child support for another 6 years and he complained bitterly about what little he was paying. Not only did they live in a very nice 3 bedroom condo, but he drove a Cadillac and they had a nice 5th wheel camper at a resort grounds along with a boat!! It is wonderful to consider his feelings, but you need to do what is best for you and your children. Forget about any comments he may make to them, the kids know what you are going through and as adults will figure it out even more.
__________________ Sissy & Angel |
07-13-2006, 09:36 AM | #10 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Well I did it... yikes... we'll see what his reaction is. Because it was more then a 30% increase I had them do an incremental increase. So he pays half the increase now for the first 6 months and then the full support amount by February 2007. Thank you guys for all your input... I know it's the best thing to do and he'll get over it... plus it all changes again in 2 years when my oldest will be 18, so....
__________________ "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone is fighting some kind of battle." Alphy 's Roxy |
07-13-2006, 09:39 AM | #11 |
Luv my Angel, too! Donating Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: USA
Posts: 9,333
| I hope this will make your lives a little easier. Your children are very fortunate to have a loving, caring person as their mother.
__________________ Sissy & Angel |
07-13-2006, 10:05 AM | #12 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Central NY state
Posts: 1,741
| Don't feel greedy- you're not doing this for yourself- it's for your children. I assume it's you who primarily drives the kids when they need a ride, it's you they hit up for $5 or $10 here or there, it's you who foots the bill when the kids want a treat to eat dinner out... My mom struggled financially while we were growing up and my dad gave his wife (also his secretary) raises instead of giving them to himself so that his child support wouldn't increase, so I know what you (and your kids!) are going through. They're his kids too- why should you be hard-up for money while he lives comfortably just because the kids live with you? You shouldn't. Get the money. |
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