Just wanted some non biased opinions

[shecass]

This is long.

As you may or may not remember my grandfather passed away the Monday after Mother's Day. Anyway, I will try not to make this extremely long and drawn out.

We weren't able to get up there until Wed night my husband couldn't get off work any sooner because of corporate people in the plant. When we got to my grandfathers of course all of the family was there it was about 10 pm by the time we got in.

My husband, my brother, one of his friends and 2 of my cousins husbands went up in town to a local tavern for a couple of drinks. I went outside to get something out of the truck and I noticed that my grandfather's car was gone the garage door was open and the light was on.

I immediately went upstairs to my mom's room and ask her if she knew that his car was gone and of course she didn't. One of my cousins who is a couple of years older than I am is still in the partying mode she loves her drugs and drink she and my sister used to run around alot when they were teenagers - early 20's well my sister hasn't done this is around 20 years but Michelle has never grown up even though she has 2 children a 16 year old and 22 or 23 year old.

We immediately knew that it was her that took his car but, she never asked anyone if she could take it out. My mom said earlier in the day she asked about the keys to his car and she really didn't think much about it, my grandfather always took the keys out of the ignition and put them on the signal light why I don't know. That just the way he always done it. I haven't lived close to him in over 20 years and I knew that and they all lived in the same town and never stopped by to see him to make sure he was doing ok and I'm sure they drove by his house at least twice a day maybe more.

Anyway my mom was going to need his car the next week because she had been in Raleigh with my brother and his family and they drove her car in and my brother of course was having to get back to work so he was going to have to take her car and my grandparents trusted her enough that when my grandmother got sick over 6 years ago they had her name but on their checking account so she could go to the store for them and get my grandmothers medicine.

My aunt(married to my uncle) has always been jealous of me & my brother & sister and my aunt's 4 girls because we spent alot of time with my grandparents while we were growing up. She wouldn't let her kids spend time with them yet she is jealous.

The next day is the funeral and she has papaw's car and she smokes so of course she smoked in it. My grandfather hadn't smoked in over 55 years. I didn't say anything because it wasn't my place or the right time. My sister who just couldn't stand it had to mentioned it to one of my uncles and the one that is crazy literally has a screw lose just to get something started.

The church invited us back there to eat so we were leaving and I was talking to one of my cousins Michelle's sister and we just happened to be standing beside my grandfather's car and Michelle and her daughter leave well her 16 year old daughter is driving his car. I ask Monica if she knows why they have papaw's car and she said she has no idea. I told her it's one thing for Michelle to be driving but that Shana has no business driving. She tells me that Shanna is an excellent driver. I told her it doesn't matter she is 16 years old. Papaw probably doesn't have insurance on his car to cover teenage drivers.

My sister went over to one of our other cousins house and they were talking that Michelle had been there. One of them has a bad back so they have pain meds for whenever it really acts up and she was trying to get some off of them. They told her no and not to come back if that was the only reason why she was there. She told them that the only thing she wanted was papaw's car because she was driving a piece of s**t and she needed a car.

I told mom & my sister both that I could say the same thing my car has 178000 miles on it and I need a newer car. She can do the same as the rest of us has done and buy one.

The next day I took my mom to the bank my brother had already left and to get a prescription filled well she never drives if she can get out of it. Guess whose car we took? My grandfather's I know in my heart and soul that he would not care for me driving his car because he trusted me I never give him any reason not to. I had driven his car several times. A couple with him as a passenger.

Sorry this is so long, thank you for reading it. I just had to vent a little.

[Zeus' Mom]

Boy oh boy, don't you just love family!! I am going through some issues right now with my family too and their disregard for one another, so I completely understand.

Hope everything works out!

[shecass]

It's awful. I'm so glad that we don't live any closer than we do. I don't think my grandfather had a will but VA law states if the estate is under a certain amount which is probably 800,000+ that it be divided equally between survining children, well there's 5 of them.

The uncle I have that is absolutely out of his gourd is going to drive everyone crazy. He completely alienated himself from the family after my grandmother died 5 years ago Wed on the 7th(my bday) all my birthdays have been lousy ever since. Anyway, he told my mom the reason he hadn't been out was because my grandfather told him not to come because all he and Jerry did was fight. There is no way my grandfather would have told him that he loved he children and grandchildren too much to tell any of us not to come home. Which I considered his house my home because I spent so much time with them when I was a child and I lived with them for 2 years while I was in college simply because it was closer to them and he would get up every morning and fix gravy & biscuits for me before I went to class and during the winter when it was snowing he would drive me to class and then come back and get me.

Sorry for rambling.

[Zeus' Mom]

Originally Posted by shecass

It's awful. I'm so glad that we don't live any closer than we do. I don't think my grandfather had a will but VA law states if the estate is under a certain amount which is probably 800,000+ that it be divided equally between survining children, well there's 5 of them.

The uncle I have that is absolutely out of his gourd is going to drive everyone crazy. He completely alienated himself from the family after my grandmother died 5 years ago Wed on the 7th(my bday) all my birthdays have been lousy ever since. Anyway, he told my mom the reason he hadn't been out was because my grandfather told him not to come because all he and Jerry did was fight. There is no way my grandfather would have told him that he loved he children and grandchildren too much to tell any of us not to come home. Which I considered his house my home because I spent so much time with them when I was a child and I lived with them for 2 years while I was in college simply because it was closer to them and he would get up every morning and fix gravy & biscuits for me before I went to class and during the winter when it was snowing he would drive me to class and then come back and get me.

Sorry for rambling.

No, don't apologize. Believe me, I know how good it feels to get it out. I feel like that is all I have been doing all weekend! I've been talking to hubby about it and he tries to understand, but unless you come from a completely disfunctional family, you just don't get it!

[shecass]

Isn't that the truth. The majority of my family is great. There is just a few. I guess is the case in all families.

Now my husbands. I used to complain about his a lot. But over the years as we have grown closer it's not that bad.

[shecass]

Originally Posted by Zeus' Mom

No, don't apologize. Believe me, I know how good it feels to get it out. I feel like that is all I have been doing all weekend! I've been talking to hubby about it and he tries to understand, but unless you come from a completely disfunctional family, you just don't get it!

Wow I just noticed that you are in Raleigh. My brother just moved there a few months back he is a graphic artists working for a video game co and loves it. They live off of Old Wake Forest vicinity. We were just there a few weeks ago. There property butts up against a great dog park.

[Zeus' Mom]

Originally Posted by shecass

Wow I just noticed that you are in Raleigh. My brother just moved there a few months back he is a graphic artists working for a video game co and loves it. They live off of Old Wake Forest vicinity. We were just there a few weeks ago. There property butts up against a great dog park.

That is so cool! We live near the Garner area. I've lived here my whole life and my husband has been here for most of his. We like it! Maybe next time you are in the area, we can get together and discuss our crazy families!!

[LuvMySissy]

Aren't families just the best?! Death brings out the absolute worst in folks and those who weren't your favorites tend to become even less favorable. All they care about is what they get and that no one else gets anything they might want.

I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't. Keep your distance, that is the best you can do and try to remember that your grandfather loved you and you he and nothing can change what you had.

[shecass]

Originally Posted by LuvMySissy

Aren't families just the best?! Death brings out the absolute worst in folks and those who weren't your favorites tend to become even less favorable. All they care about is what they get and that no one else gets anything they might want.

I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't. Keep your distance, that is the best you can do and try to remember that your grandfather loved you and you he and nothing can change what you had.

I know it's awful. My grandparents would roll over in their graves if they even thought this was going on.

I'm planning on keeping my distance for a while. I haven't even talked to my mom since last Wed because I just get really aggrivated not at her but when she tells me things that some member of the family has or hasn't done.

Thanks everyone.

[chele]

something your mom may want to check into if it's VA I know the law was that after a person passed away insurance isnt' going to pay for someone who wasnt' insured on the car if they have an accident.meaning that if a cousin is driving the car ans wasnt' on your grandpas policy and has an accident and possible injures someone YOUR MOM CAN BE RESPONSIBLE. If that happens then the "estate" meaning the 5 children are the ones who are going to be responsible or possibly sued for any hospital bills/damages. Even if a cousin gets hurt while driving they can sure the parent's / aunt uncles becuase the insurance won't pay. messed up leagal system huh?

things like happen with a lot of families (fighting backstabbing etc.and just plain being greedy). I know it did both sides of my family when grandparents passed away. When my grandpa died he had one of my uncles living with him (they said it was to take care of him but really it was so he could pay the bills buy the groceries and they could take his meds) anyway they were living there when he died and my mom signed for the funeral bills and everything and gradpa said to sell everything and pay for it for years he told everyone this. Mom told her bro. that she wasnt' going to sell it and them have no place to go so to stay there as long as they needed. Well they locked up everything wouldnt' let any of the ohter children come in and get anything at all. One of my aunts now has nothing that belonged to her dad. The rest of us have things that grandpa gave us before he died. The uncle didnt' have a car when grandpa died and my grandpa had bought my mom a little car nothing super nice just an older dependable car for her to get back and forth to his house while my dad was gone. This was a year before he died that he got it for her and they even came after he died and got that from mom. She felt sorry for them and sure didnt' want them driving it with her responsible for anyhting they did while driving it.

[Breeze]

Originally Posted by chele

something your mom may want to check into if it's VA I know the law was that after a person passed away insurance isnt' going to pay for someone who wasnt' insured on the car if they have an accident.meaning that if a cousin is driving the car ans wasnt' on your grandpas policy and has an accident and possible injures someone YOUR MOM CAN BE RESPONSIBLE. If that happens then the "estate" meaning the 5 children are the ones who are going to be responsible or possibly sued for any hospital bills/damages. Even if a cousin gets hurt while driving they can sure the parent's / aunt uncles becuase the insurance won't pay. messed up leagal system huh?

things like happen with a lot of families (fighting backstabbing etc.and just plain being greedy). I know it did both sides of my family when grandparents passed away. When my grandpa died he had one of my uncles living with him (they said it was to take care of him but really it was so he could pay the bills buy the groceries and they could take his meds) anyway they were living there when he died and my mom signed for the funeral bills and everything and gradpa said to sell everything and pay for it for years he told everyone this. Mom told her bro. that she wasnt' going to sell it and them have no place to go so to stay there as long as they needed. Well they locked up everything wouldnt' let any of the ohter children come in and get anything at all. One of my aunts now has nothing that belonged to her dad. The rest of us have things that grandpa gave us before he died. The uncle didnt' have a car when grandpa died and my grandpa had bought my mom a little car nothing super nice just an older dependable car for her to get back and forth to his house while my dad was gone. This was a year before he died that he got it for her and they even came after he died and got that from mom. She felt sorry for them and sure didnt' want them driving it with her responsible for anyhting they did while driving it.

Great post and I agree. Your family should look into the laws in your state about what is required when dealing with a deceased one's property. Here you are unable to remove any property including a car. The excutor is the only one that can remove a vehicle and only to another safer location to secure it for the estate, but are unable to use it for personal use.

I'm so sorry for you and your family, Hugs!