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03-13-2006, 11:33 AM | #1 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA
Posts: 3,243
| totally off topic but I really need some advise here My oldest daughter came to me 2 weeks ago asking for my advise. And I was not ready for what she told me. Her best friend is pregnant and is already 3 to 4 months and hasn't told her mother. She is the sweetest girl and is probably closer to our family then she is to her own. I felt so bad for her in one hand and so disappointed in the other. Desiree is worried about her friend and feels she needs to tell her mother and start seeing a doctor. Well she got her friend to at least come to me for help. She asked if can take her to the doctor for starters. I did it but felt so badly. I mean if this was my daughter I would be so hurt that she couldn't come to me. I can not imagine how her mother is going to feel once she learns that I knew, took her to the doctor and didn't tell her. It's eating me inside. I got ahold of Raquel and her boy friend and sat them both down here and had a nice long talk with the both of them on Friday. I told them that they have to tell their parents. They both agreed that they would tell their parents. It is now Monday and they had all weekend to do so but they didn't. Do you think I should tell their parents? I told her that I would go with her to tell her mother if she wanted me to. She said no and that she promised that she would do it herself. I talked to her last night and she told me that her mom got into a car accident Friday night and on Sat. her grandmother fell and ended up in the hospital. So she felt her mom was going though so much, she decided it wasn't the right time to tell her. Mean while she is starting to show and I don't know how her mother hasn't noticed anything. It's really sad that her and her mother don't have that close of an relationship. I can't see anyone being so caught up in their own things and not notice the changes that is so apparent to her own daughter. What do you all think I should do? As a parent I feel I should go tell her mother. I know she must be scared and I can understand that. There is no way I would be able to go to my mom if it were me. That's why I promised that I would have a open about any and every thing relationship with my kids once I had them. I just stummed with this one. And don't know what to do.
__________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page |
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03-13-2006, 11:41 AM | #2 |
Donating YT 30K Club Member | My opinion is that she should be the one to tell her Mom. She needs to do so now. I got pregnant at 17 and I was 5 months pregnant when my parents found out, actually my husband, boyfriend at the time, mother worked at the same company I did and she found out and told my parents. It was pretty awful but they supported me. This was in 1970 and not well received back then. She must be so scared. I told my dtr who is 20 what happened to me and have always kept an open and honest relationship with her. It's nice she can talk to you but her parents need to know now.JMO
__________________ Cali Pixie Roxie : RIP Nikki; RIP Maya;RIP my sweet Dixie girl 1/17/08 http://callipuppyscastle.bravehost.com/index.html |
03-13-2006, 11:47 AM | #3 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 6,238
| I assume she is keeping the baby? If so, the mother will have to find out sooner or later, and it's probably best for the mom and daughter's relationship that her mom find out sooner. I would hope the mom supports her daughter and helps her through this, as you can't change the past and making her feel bad about it will not do the daughter any good. I believe if the child is a minor, that her mother has the right to know. If your daughter's friend is 18, then she would be considered a full adult and responsible for her own actions. You can try to give her another few days or a week to tell her mom about it, but if she still fails to tell her at that point, tell her that you will tell the mom directly. It may also depend a bit on how close a friend you are with the mom, as not telling her may strain your relationship with the mom. It is a very difficult situation you are in. |
03-13-2006, 11:50 AM | #4 |
Donating YT 4000 Club Member Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Missouri
Posts: 4,637
| How old is this girl! I think that she just needs to tell her mother! Her mom may be mad for a few days but she will get over it and she will support her in the end! Maybe you should tell this girl that she has until tomorrow to tell her mom or you are going to call her mom and let her know that something is going on! Its just sad that her and her mom do not have a close enough relationship where she has to feel so scared to tell her! I wish you the best of luck and keep us updated on whats happening!
__________________ Heather, Chloe Lynn and Daisy May |
03-13-2006, 11:56 AM | #5 |
Owned by my Furbabies Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: Ohio
Posts: 1,482
| I think she should tell her mother herself. But let me ask you this...do you have a realationship with this girls mother? I mean are you close friends or just friends from the children being friends? I ask this only because the mother I would think will really be upset with her daughter and with you also once she finds out. I think you should tell the girl your giving her till say like Wednesday to tell her mother and if she has not then you should take her to tell her mother. My opinion on this... |
03-13-2006, 12:18 PM | #6 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: NJ
Posts: 4,021
| Wow! How awful for you to be stuck in the middle of this. I think the mother needs to know. As you said, you would want to know if it was you. My 15 year old son came to me a few weeks ago and told me he tried smoking. We talked about it and he understood it was a stupid thing to do. Well, he has one friend who is just the most mature, wonderful young man. That young man came over one night and asked to see Kevin. They sat in the living room talking for about an hour, then Kevin asked us to come into the living room. He told us both that he'd been smoking. His friend Vinnie talked him into telling us and told him he wasn't leaving until they talked to us together. (Vinnie was pretty surprised to find out I already knew, he thought Kevin was pulling his leg when he said he'd told me). Maybe you could do something like that for her. Just go there, be with her and make her tell right then. I don't know, I'm sorry you have to go through this, what a sad situation.
__________________ Teri Owned by and completely devoted to Tucker... Maddie, we will always love you Bandit, you are always in my heart Proud Member SSLS |
03-13-2006, 12:29 PM | #7 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA
Posts: 3,243
| This is really tough! She is only 15. She was able to go see the doctor without her mother and is considered emancipated. But she does live under her mothers roof and I feel she has the right to know. Just like I told the both of them. They knew what could happen having unprotective sex and yes they will be getting butt chewings just like I have them. But I know both his and her parents will be there for them. I just don't understand why they would be so scared. His mother had him when she was 16 and I know that this is the last thing she wanted for her son but she knows what it's like and she will be there for him. There is no way they can do this alone and have to tell them as soon as possible. They will need their families support. I am very close to her but her mother is Spanish speaking and I speak very little Spanish. I mean very very little.
__________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page |
03-13-2006, 01:00 PM | #8 |
Just me 'n my boys Donating Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Murphy, TX
Posts: 4,596
| Yikes. Have you offered to go with the girl to tell her mother? Being that's she's emancipated I'm guessing there is a reason, hence her hesitation at telling her mom. I'm guessing she already knows how her mom will react. Maybe if you went with her it would be easier for her to talk to her mom. It's hard to say without knowing the situation fully. Perhaps there are some agencies that she can get some help from also that you could help her get in touch with. School counselor? Is there a father? Best of luck. |
03-13-2006, 01:02 PM | #9 |
Donating YT 9000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: North Carolina :)
Posts: 10,616
| Hmmmm, I'm so glad she had you to turn to. She needs to talk with her Mom, and it has to be soon. Maybe you can be there with her, even if she said she can do it on her own, she hasn't yet, so she might be waiting for you to ask again to be there. Has her boyfriend told his parents? I wish them the best of luck, it's so sad, kids just want to grow up way too fast these days. Good luck to you, just one more thing you didn't need to worry about, but will anyway. Is'nt motherhood grand, it's not just our kids we care about, it's everyone elses too. I have been in the same boat with the girl down the street, wasn't easy, her Mom is a fruitcake!!!! She's finding out taking care of a baby isn't easy. I didn't know being a parent was easy, I must have missed that part. Thanks for being there for her.
__________________ Friends are God's way of apologizing for our relatives. "Love & Support Our YT Members" Gina & Princess Member of the SSLS |
03-13-2006, 01:04 PM | #10 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Fort Worth, Texas
Posts: 1,279
| That is really young to be having a baby or sex IMO. She should really tell her parents ASAP, because she will need all the help she can get. If I were you I would have to tell her parents what is going on because you gave her a chance to tell them. As a parent I would want to know. I would probably be very upset with my daughter for not coming to me first but at least she asked someone for help. Has she given any thought what is she is going to do with baby? Being 15 years old, she really has no way to support the baby, and if you parents don't help it will be really rough. |
03-13-2006, 01:40 PM | #11 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA
Posts: 3,243
| Yes that is way too young to be having a baby let alone having sex. We were shocked. My daughter cried when she found out. I really feel that if her mother was more in tune with her children and kept a better eye on them, this would not have happened. But it's too late for all of that. The only thing I can do is be here for her. She totally has our families support. I am thinking of giving her till the end of the week. I will have to go with her if I have to. I just hope her mother wont be upset with me for not telling her in the first place. As for his partents, I don't know the story there. I know he is not getting along with his mother and it's because of her boyfriend. It's a sad story all around. She does plan on keeping the baby. These kids have no idea. I am going to talk to her today and see whats going on.
__________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page |
03-13-2006, 04:42 PM | #12 |
Stewie Rox the Sox Donating Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Chicago
Posts: 6,306
| Go with her, but please please don't tell her mother without her. I think you did an awesome thing by just being there for her. I am afraid she will go through some awful stress that could be detrimental to her pregnancy (3-4 mos is the most common time for miscarriages) if you tell her mom without her knowing. Good luck Moncia. As if we didn't know you were an awesome person already, you're really showing that you're great by helping your daugther's friend.
__________________ Kristy & Stewie |
03-14-2006, 12:03 AM | #13 |
YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Rialto CA
Posts: 3,243
| Thank you Kristy. I sometimes think I try and take on too much. But I will protect and do what ever I can for those I love and care about. I worry a little more then I should and I know it will get all worked out. There's a precious life coming into the world and we will help in anyway we can.
__________________ Monica, Proud mom of Gus who is forever missed! And new mom to Leiloni Gus's Dogster page |
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