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Old 11-11-2014, 08:08 PM   #1
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Default Thankgiving this year will be so bitter sweet.

I am so dreading the holidays this year. We miss my momma so much. I always have a nice sit down formal dinner and besides my daughter and her BF she and my pops were the only ones we ever had over for dinner so now that wont even be happening. Last year my DH and DD who both worked in retail had to leave for work on TGD at 6pm but we still managed to have an early dinner but this year they are opening at 6 which means my husband will need to leave for work around 3 or 4 pm so there goes any hope of having Thanksgiving dinner at all. Plus this will be the first year without my momma which I am dreading. Just when I think like my days are getting easier another holiday come along and things get hard again.

We have hosted TGD dinner at our home for the past 18 yrs. My momma and pops have always been the guest at our home but this years my pops has gotten several other invites from other family members, friends and family which is nice. They know it will be hard for him, for all of us and I don't mind since we wont be having our regular dinner ourselves. He knows that he is always welcomed but if he would rather go somewhere else that fine too. As long as he isnt' alone that is all I am worried about. Heck knowing him, he'd likely go to all four places but of course no one knows how much he loves his cranberry sauce like I do..lol

My DD is now working a factory job and has time off so my goal is to have dinner on one other day that he has off and hope that my DD and her BF also have the same day off. I am keeping my fingers crossed that it will happen.

Now for the Sweet part of this whole dilemma. My niece and great niece Stella are coming home from SC for Thanksgiving. Gosh do I miss them so much and I can not wait to see them!!!!
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Old 11-11-2014, 08:45 PM   #2
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Wow, that is bittersweet. You know, Nov 27 is just a day. YOU can make a Thanksgiving whenever you wish. Pick a day when you all can be together and make it special. Who cares what the calander says - you and yours are what makes it Thanksgiving.

I will be thinking of you on Thanksgiving and praying that it works out to be wonderful, even if it's not what you wanted - I pray it's everything you need.
Happy Day!
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Old 11-12-2014, 06:00 AM   #3
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I'm sorry for your loss and this added stress. It's hard when loved ones are no longer with us to celebrate these special occasions. I know, last years holidays were our first without 2 dearly loved family members. My husband has always had to work the holidays. I think we've had only 1 Christmas actually on Christmas. We've always just picked another day and made that our holiday. It really has worked out well because our friends and family were all able to come since there wasn't a conflict.

So maybe you can start a new tradition and it won't be so painful to not have your mom with you. You can still celebrate the day and remember your mom, but by doing something a little different it might make it easier to cope.
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Old 11-12-2014, 08:08 AM   #4
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[QUOTE=BorderKelpie;4505430]You know, Nov 27 is just a day. YOU can make a Thanksgiving whenever you wish. Pick a day when you all can be together and make it special. Who cares what the calander says - you and yours are what makes it Thanksgiving.

/QUOTE]


Aw, I can't express how I feel for you via this forum but I am sending you hugs.


I think the above suggestion is a great one.


I have not been home for Thanksgiving for almost 13 years. I live in England and English people do not celebrate Thanksgiving but they DO celebrate it WITH me and always on a Saturday.


I haven't had my mom and dad and brother with me but I enjoy those who do come to celebrate with me so I think you could reconsider having Thanksgiving on the day so that all of your family can attend.


Hugs to you and all of your family and Happy Thanksgiving xxxx
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Old 11-12-2014, 08:10 AM   #5
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I'm glad you have the visit of your niece and great niece to look forward to. Holidays are very hard, especially the first ones, after losing a loved one, especially your mom. I agree with Teresa about making new traditions.

My family is very small and spread out around the country. I am accustomed to quiet holidays. When I worked in a hospital, I often worked the holidays while dad and my brother traveled to my grandmother's home. We have are own celebrations on different days.
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Old 11-12-2014, 09:55 AM   #6
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I have worked alternating Holidays for 40 years, so it was never a really big deal on WHAT day we celebrated a holiday....momma always made whatever day we had to have our celebration on, a special, joyous day.....the really difficult part is now having our holidays without her.....we lost momma in 2002, and it has not gotten any easier as we sit down to eat, now without her.... We never had a huge celebration with lots of family members...like your family gathering, it was only my brother, my son, momma, me and occasionally, when they were alive, momma had a brother and a sister that may join us for a week during the holiday.....

I still set a place for momma, with a rose on her plate.....and I had long since learned how to prepare the signature dressings, so we still have the same menu that we have always had....it seems it is important for my brother that the menu is strictly adhered to, as the last, solid, unmoving, unchanging source of strength we draw from momma's "presence".....I can understand exactly how you are feeling and it is indeed bittersweet....I feel stronger and more secure, maintaining unchanged traditions of our holidays....that may work for you too, even if it is just a single little thing you do to celebrate your momma's memory and influence in all you do.
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Old 11-12-2014, 06:44 PM   #7
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Thank you all for your suggestions and for sharing you own experiences.

We are trying to figure out a way to have our celebration on another day but with my husbands schedule it doesn't leave much time. On the days he is off my DD works and on the days she is off he works. There is one day that she is off and he works the morning shift but knowing my husband and his sense of loyalty and dedication to his job I doubt that he will leave work early enough to have a family dinner or that he will be able to since he is the only floor manager, they recently let the other two go when they did away with their jobs which makes his hard even more harder and very stressful I don't want to nag him about being home when I know how important his job is.

Its not so much the dinner, like you say we can do that any time. Make new traditions it the missing my momma will for sure be the worse part of the holidays and I guess for us it will just have to be another day which is how I expect Christmas to be also. Its just not the same anymore, I don't think I am gong to enjoy the Holidays this year and I feel so bad for anyone who is in similar situation.
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Old 11-12-2014, 07:41 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by dawn27 View Post
I am so dreading the holidays this year. We miss my momma so much. I always have a nice sit down formal dinner and besides my daughter and her BF she and my pops were the only ones we ever had over for dinner so now that wont even be happening. Last year my DH and DD who both worked in retail had to leave for work on TGD at 6pm but we still managed to have an early dinner but this year they are opening at 6 which means my husband will need to leave for work around 3 or 4 pm so there goes any hope of having Thanksgiving dinner at all. Plus this will be the first year without my momma which I am dreading. Just when I think like my days are getting easier another holiday come along and things get hard again.
The fact that retailers open on Thanksgiving ticks me off to no end! I refuse to do any Christmas shopping whatsoever at stores that will be open on thanksgiving day. They won't get a dollar of my Christmas shopping budget!

This Thanksgiving will be the first in both my kids lives that they've not come home My daughter (24) moved out of state for a job two 1/2 months ago and she can't get time off to come home, so she'd be out there by herself. As she and her brother (22, senior in college ) are exceptionally close, I ask my son if he would like to go visit his sister for thanksgiving...and of course he wants to. So, I'm flying him out there, so they can be together for thanksgiving.
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Old 11-13-2014, 12:19 AM   #9
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Thank you all for your suggestions and for sharing you own experiences.

We are trying to figure out a way to have our celebration on another day but with my husbands schedule it doesn't leave much time. On the days he is off my DD works and on the days she is off he works. There is one day that she is off and he works the morning shift but knowing my husband and his sense of loyalty and dedication to his job I doubt that he will leave work early enough to have a family dinner or that he will be able to since he is the only floor manager, they recently let the other two go when they did away with their jobs which makes his hard even more harder and very stressful I don't want to nag him about being home when I know how important his job is.

Its not so much the dinner, like you say we can do that any time. Make new traditions it the missing my momma will for sure be the worse part of the holidays and I guess for us it will just have to be another day which is how I expect Christmas to be also. Its just not the same anymore, I don't think I am gong to enjoy the Holidays this year and I feel so bad for anyone who is in similar situation.

<<HUGS TO YOU>>


The best thing I have found to do is just know that the person that you are missing would want you to enjoy the holiday. I still struggle with the loss of my Grandma (five years ago) even though I rarely spent the holidays with her. It's just the memories and stuff but I KNOW my Grandma would want me to enjoy my life as she tried to do when she lost those she loved (including her sons). I think it's important that you work through the feelings that you have and I think you're right, it will be hard and different, but time will help with that..


You are a beautiful person to share what you are feeling and I think that is also part of healing. Just hold on to the good memories and hold on to knowing that your momma would want your life to continue happily because that's what all of us moms want - our kids to be happy.


Much love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Old 11-13-2014, 06:32 PM   #10
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The fact that retailers open on Thanksgiving ticks me off to no end! I refuse to do any Christmas shopping whatsoever at stores that will be open on thanksgiving day. They won't get a dollar of my Christmas shopping budget!

This Thanksgiving will be the first in both my kids lives that they've not come home My daughter (24) moved out of state for a job two 1/2 months ago and she can't get time off to come home, so she'd be out there by herself. As she and her brother (22, senior in college ) are exceptionally close, I ask my son if he would like to go visit his sister for thanksgiving...and of course he wants to. So, I'm flying him out there, so they can be together for thanksgiving.
I totally agree with you about that !!

How sweet of you to make sure that your kids will be together, I am sure that they will appreciate that.
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Old 11-13-2014, 06:48 PM   #11
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<<HUGS TO YOU>>


The best thing I have found to do is just know that the person that you are missing would want you to enjoy the holiday. I still struggle with the loss of my Grandma (five years ago) even though I rarely spent the holidays with her. It's just the memories and stuff but I KNOW my Grandma would want me to enjoy my life as she tried to do when she lost those she loved (including her sons). I think it's important that you work through the feelings that you have and I think you're right, it will be hard and different, but time will help with that..


You are a beautiful person to share what you are feeling and I think that is also part of healing. Just hold on to the good memories and hold on to knowing that your momma would want your life to continue happily because that's what all of us moms want - our kids to be happy.


Much love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I am trying to keep a positive outlook for the upcoming holidays. I know that I am not the only one who has suffered a loss and who will be missing their loved one this year. You have no idea how therapeutic this is to have you all to chat with and for you to offer your advise. Hoping that this conversation can help them in some way as well.

We are thinking that if my daughter doesn't have to work on the Saturday after that that will be the day. If she works I guess I will cook dinner for just the two kids and her BF and I on Thurs. I will just have to run dinner out to work for him. He will be working a 12 hr shift from 4pm to 4am and has to return at 10am that same morning but no matter what I have to cook, my husband has to have his turkey for leftovers and my once a year home made mashed potatoes, its the one thing that he looks forward to every year..... LOL
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Old 11-28-2014, 08:46 PM   #12
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We weren't able to celebrate Thanksgiving yet but it is planned for tomorrow. It was the only time that we can do it . . . I've have several pretty rough days, breaking down over the though of my mother not being here with us. I hope I don't get emotional tomorrow in front of my pops, I have to be strong for him because he too is not doing well. He misses her so much, so much that he to breaks down in tears when I visit him. Its getting better but I can tell that he is still morning her. So yea, dinner is on and I can do this.

You all have been so helpful during this time , the start of the holidays which I know for myself and for others will not be easy and I thank you!!

The highlight way today when I got to send it with my Stellaluna . . . my little southern belle and her mommy here all the way from South CA. She actually knew who I was and have me a huge hug when she saw me. So very heart warming for sure.
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Old 11-28-2014, 10:04 PM   #13
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It can be difficult. I usually get excited over holidays, and feel like a kid again around Christmas, but for some reason, this year I have been really depressed over the past week. I really miss my brother, who would've been 14 this year, he passed when he was almost 6. It just plain sucks that he's not here and I just start to think about it too much. It's hard to explain, I guess I go through phases where I seem to hardly even think about him, and then sometimes (usually with holidays, etc), I just miss him extra and get super down about it. And I know I have my other 2 siblings to be happy for (6 and 11) but it doesn't take the pain away of missing my first baby brother.
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Old 11-29-2014, 06:57 PM   #14
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Just checking in to let you know you have remained on many of our minds, thoughts and prayers, as you try to navigate your way through this day. Praying it went easier for you than you were thinking it would.
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Old 11-30-2014, 03:50 AM   #15
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Dawn, I hope all went well with your plans. I feel for you missing your momma. This year Thanksgiving fell on the anniversary of the day I lost my mom. Her birthday was this week too. One thing I have learned over the years is that change is a constant in our lives. Hubby and I now have Thanksgiving dinner with his brother in a nursing home. He became a quadraplegic 9 years ago in an in-home accident when he fell down the stairs. I still rember how hard the first year of holidays without my mom was. This year we lost my sister's husband in October. He is greatly missed too. Hugs to you Dawn, I hope all went well yesterday.

Brit, my heart goes out to you and your pain of missing your little brother. I can't even imagine the pain you go through when you lose a little child. Hugs to you.
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