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01-05-2006, 05:23 PM | #1 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
| I'm hoping someone can give me good advice... I'm really struggling to deal with this and I can't do it alone anymore. I need some advice, some help. So as many of you know last year we had a horrible tragedy happen in my family. A couple of days before christmas last year, my brother in law was arrested for money laundering. He's been in jail waiting for trial since last year. They are trying to pin my sister (stay at home mom) with conspiracy. Anyway, they went from living a millionairres life to him in jail and her and their 3 year old living with my parents. People used to respect my family and now we're the butt of the jokes. Our own aunts/unlces and cousins won't speak to us. I know my sister is under a lot of stress and feeling hurt, betrayed, angry, ect. But lately her anger has become a problem.My sister just gets angry over tiny things. I know her anger stems from her stress but she just jumps down everyone's throats about little things (like why I was making mac and cheese in skillet instead of sauce pan). My mom says, they all fight almost everynight and everyone goes to sleep in tears. I don't live at home but it affects me because they all sound sad or she'll get mad at me when I go home on the weekends over stupid stuff. I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to her but to no avail. I don't know what else I can do to help everyone involved. Please help me.
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco |
Welcome Guest! | |
01-05-2006, 05:27 PM | #2 |
Donating YT 14K Club Member | Oh, Nobella! I am so sorry. My biggest concern would be the children. I hope that maybe someone in your clergy can help her or offer her some type of counseling. Prayers are with you.
__________________ As always...JMO (Just My Opinion) Kimberley |
01-05-2006, 05:28 PM | #3 |
Yorkies Rock My World! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,721
| How awful for all of you... Is your sister getting professional help? She needs to talk this anger out to a professional. She probably is also depressed, who would blame her? She may need medication. I wish your family the best, and think you are a great sister to try to help. But you won't be able to make her get help. She has to do it herself. She can't handle all of this alone. She needs help.
__________________ Glad Mom to Jasper, Wosie & Dreama, RIP sweet babies. |
01-05-2006, 05:35 PM | #4 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
| She great with my nephew. She has a lot of patience with him and she doesn't want him to know what's going on. She recognizes that she has a problem. I talked to one of the women from her church (it's her best friend) and my sister had admitted to her that she has an anger problem. I even saw a book she had bought about anger management. But I don't think it's doing anything. I know she needs to talk to someone but the last thing I want to do is suggest she go see someone, then she'll never speak to me again. She already thinks that we are all against her and we all think she's crazy. She is depressed. You would NEVER know it in front of others, but when we're all alone as a family, she starts up. I don't know what else to do. We all walk on egg shells around her. She has such a big heart and is so sweet. I know this is so stressful on her. To be with someone for 11 years and not know them at all. He's caused a lot of damage to my parents (almost lost their home) and me (put my credit in foreclosure and credit cards in my name without my knowledge). I know she feels guilty, like she should have seen it all coming or asked more questions. I just don't know. I feel like crying because I would take her pain away if I could but sometimes she's just so mean with her words.
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco |
01-05-2006, 05:43 PM | #6 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Texas
Posts: 223
| I agree 100% with Jaspermom, I personally used to get mad over the tiniest little things. Explaining it to someone who had never had it happen to them is difficult, it feels like everything that's happening is too much and you can't control the anger welling up inside you, so you have to take it out on someone else. I went to my doctor and got on Effexor, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me, and counseling and support from a therapist also helped. I would encourage you to try and get your sister to go to her doctor or therapist to get counseling and/or medication. Make sure your sister knows to just trust God, pray about it, and don't worry about things. It won't do any good and all it will do is make her feel a whole lot worse! I hope I helped. God bless you. |
01-05-2006, 05:46 PM | #7 |
YT 6000 Club Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: CA
Posts: 6,588
| She goes to her bible study on wednesday and is very involved in her church. In fact the church recently offered her a full time job, when no one else would even look at her resume, because of her name. I just wish she would try to retain some of the material from the sermon's and apply it. She can't be on that type of medication because she's had a history of seizures and there's many things she can't be on. I don't know how to suggest for her to get counseling, without her blowing up on me.
__________________ Mommy to Coco and Rocco |
01-05-2006, 06:01 PM | #8 |
Yorkies Rock My World! Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,721
| She may get over that... Think about this: if you make the suggestion, she may just take it seriously and get some help. Then she will NOT be angry with you, she will be so grateful to you for helping her! You could even go so far as to try to find someone yourself. Ask your church, friends, co-workers for names of counselors that may have helped them or their friends or family. Then when you do decide to speak with your sister, you will have a list of names of people she might be able to see who could help her. She really does need help. If you suggest it and she does get mad at you, trust that at least she will think about it, as the suggestion will be in her mind. And if you tell her you are saying this because you love her and it is coming from your love of her, she may accept it better. I wish you the very best. Please let us know how this turns out. Good luck!
__________________ Glad Mom to Jasper, Wosie & Dreama, RIP sweet babies. |
01-05-2006, 06:01 PM | #9 |
My Precious Pup Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: New York City
Posts: 2,092
| Oh Nobella! I had no idea you were going thru this...I know how important your family is to you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. A friend of mine had been suffering with depression for about 3 years and recently she started therapy. It's been about 6 weeks and she says that she wishes she would have done it years ago. It has helped her deal with so many things. I see the difference in her and she is so much more fun to be around. I'm hoping you can convince your sister to talk to someone. It would really help. Lots of love going your way. |
01-05-2006, 06:09 PM | #10 |
Yorkie Lover Donating Member | Nobella I don't have any more advice that has not already been given, but I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. I can't imagine what ya'll are going through right now, but hopefully she can get some help and work everything out for herself!!
__________________ Kristin, Mom to: Lil Mis Magic, Sailor and Captain |
01-05-2006, 06:15 PM | #11 |
Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 1,485
| I am so sorry that you are going thru this. I am gla to hear that our sister acknolwedges the fact that she does hav a anger problem. Thats the first step to a resolution. I had aaunt live with me and I'm pretty sure she was bipolar because one day she was the sweetest aunt and the next day she would go into a rage and almost throw me down the stairs. She was oblivious to her condition. In addition to all this, her two children had to deal with these "mood swings" on a daily basis. We soon found out she had a blood clot in her brain. I do not associate with her anymore not because I don't want to but it was her choice. I'm sure your sister just needs to deal with stress and angermanagement but nothing should be overlooked especially when the happiness of your family is on the line. Maybe a counselor should be suggested. Don't use the work pyschiatrist...she might get offended. My thoughts are with you and I hope all goes well.
__________________ Christine and Zoe www.dogster.com/?269135 Yes guys...Zoe is a BOY!! He finally forgave me. |
01-05-2006, 06:17 PM | #12 |
Senior Yorkie Talker Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Texas
Posts: 223
| Just tell her that everyone goes through hard times in their life, and she isn't crazy because she needs conseling, that what most people associate conseling with. Say you would want her to help you if you were in that situation. Counseling is something everyone needs, everyone has problems, they may be different ones, but everyone is the same in that aspect. Just tell her it would make you feel better if she did it, just tell her to try it and if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to go back. Most importantly tell her if she goes to counseling that it's not going to be fixed the first couple of sessions, it's not like taking your car in for a oil change. Let her know that it's confidential, and no one will find out what she says in the sessions. Just pray about it and God will help you, it sounds to me like you need to tell her this. If it were my cousin (who is like my sister), I would say, "Listen I love you, and you know I do. What's been going on lately is not your fault don't worry about it. I think the best thing to do is go to counseling, you are my best friend, and I know this will help. I've been praying about it and I feel like this is what God wants you to do. Just test drive it, just try it and see. Don't do it for anyone else, hunny do it for yourself and your baby." I will say a prayer for you, I know God will help. |
01-05-2006, 06:53 PM | #13 |
Donating YT 3000 Club Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: New Jersey
Posts: 3,437
| God bless you Bella, this has been going on for so long!! Willl it ever end? I liked Jaspersmom's advice-she sounds like she needs a pro. If you think she would be mad, try a little white lie. Why don't you tell her that you want to go talk to someone, but are afraid to go alone and see if she would go with you to hold your hand. I remember your posts about this mess before, and since you were drug through so much too, into it it wouldn't be unreasonable to tell her that you needed help dealing with it... God luck, and shame on the extended family for not being more compasionate!
__________________ Sherry Lynn Dublin and Widget |
01-06-2006, 06:43 AM | #14 |
Gina, (Lexi's Mommy) Donating Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: LONG ISLAND,NY
Posts: 10,455
| nobella , all i want to say is god bless you and your family and may everything work out for all of you. i will pray for you.... you will be in my thoughts....
__________________ Gina & Lexi CLICK HERE for our Photo Album ... |
01-06-2006, 06:56 AM | #15 |
YT 1000 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Central NY state
Posts: 1,741
| Nobella, I completely forgot all of this happened to you. I'm so sorry to hear that you're still dealing with it. I had anger-management problems a few years back. I think my mom and sister didn't even like dealing with me some of the time. I don't know if it was depression or stress or what, but it was an awful feeling not being able to control my emotions and taking it out on the people I love. I would also suggest therapy if she'll go. Could you get her a few month membership to a gym? I think it would be a great way to get away for a bit and to also alleviate some built-up stress. I've read tons of studies that also show physical activity can help with depression. Having not only lost her former life, reputation in the community, and realized her husband was someone else, she also has to deal with how his actions have affected you and your parents. I think she probably needs an escape from this awful time in her life. I think it might also help to tell her (in a non-confrontational way) that you love her and support her, and understand that she is going through a lot, but that you're on her side and she can't keep taking out her anger on you and your parents. I hope things start looking up for your family. My prayers are with you. |
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