YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community


Welcome to the YorkieTalk.com Forums Community - the community for Yorkshire Terriers.

You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. You will be able to chat with over 35,000 YorkieTalk members, read over 2,000,000 posted discussions, and view more than 15,000 Yorkie photos in the YorkieTalk Photo Gallery after you register. We would love to have you as a member!

Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please click here to contact us.

Go Back   YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community > All Else > Off Topic Discussions
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar JavaChat Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-17-2013, 02:02 AM   #1
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mesquite, TX
Posts: 2,659
Default I'm going to scream!!! I need advice

My oldest daughter (23 today) is in the Navy. She's a reservist, but has the options of taking orders that put her as active duty for 6-12 months at a time. She was offered the chance to go active duty for 8 months in March of 2014, but she turned it down. Why? Her boyfriend (who lives in another state btw) doesn't want her to go. Because its in Africa.


Keep in mind this guy is actually facing prison time for 2 DWI's, and will possibly be there 4 years. He has no job, he's 32 and still a college student, although he claims to have interned for NASA, and he lives off money he receives from the state of Arizona because he's a heart transplant patient. He can't leave arizona to move anywhere, because of his state insurance because if he leaves, he loses it and won't be able to get the same coverage (he's grandfathered in). She pays for his travel back and forth to Texas to see her, as well as food, entertainment, etc while he's here, and if she goes out there, she has to pay for a rental car because he can't drive (2 DWIs and no license or car). Right now, my daughter has 3 part time jobs, just so she can pay her bills. She has no time for personal life, and can't do online school (which the navy pays for) because she doesn't have time to study. Africa means a steady paycheck for 8 months, it's related to the field she's in (she's a master at arms, ie military police) and is studying criminal justice and would like to be a cop later in life, and honestly, it looks better on a resume than 3 part time cashiering jobs, one of which ends after Halloween because it's at Halloween city. So she'll be either trying to increase her hours at target and charming Charlie's to take up the slack, or she'll be looking for another job because right now charming Charlie's is only giving her 4 hours a week. And to me, why the heck would you not want to travel on someone else's dime?? She can see another country and travel to other places and the military pays for it, as well as housing, (she could put her stuff in storage and save on rent and she could put her vehicle in storage as well and have a reduced insurance cost) and full coverage medical insurance. As a reservist, she only has tri-care when she's on her drill weekends. She would also get hazard pay, being its in Africa.

His arguement is that it's not safe over there. I pointed out that 1. It's a military base. 2. Its not safe in the US either (Washington DC shooting on BASE!).

I think he's being selfish and insecure. (He's very insure, even to the point where he will freak out if she does t answer his calls or texts in a timely manner-she made a google calendar for him to see her work schedules, so he'll know if/when she's at work) He's holding her back, and I don't understand why she's allowing it. Why would anyone who claims to love another, keep them from advancing in their chosen career?? He's actually told her (and me) that when (not if) she gets pregnant, he expects her to leave her family here in Texas and move there to arizona to be with him.

It's irritating me, and I feel I should say something to her, but I don't want to alienate her- I was young once and thought I was in love and if my mom had tried to tell me anything about him, I would have defended him and told her where to go....I obviously see things differently now (mom was right) but I don't know how to approach this so she doesn't feel attacked.

Any suggestions???
__________________
"You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.

Last edited by McheleM; 10-17-2013 at 02:05 AM.
McheleM is offline   Reply With Quote
Welcome Guest!
Not Registered?

Join today and remove this ad!

Old 10-17-2013, 02:13 AM   #2
♡Huey's Human♡
Donating Member
 
Marhcarter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ringgold, Ga
Posts: 3,333
Plane

I have a neice who is a civilian employee at Bremerton AFB in Washington State (who also has a yorkie ) who is currently in Djibouti for a year. (good $$) She is practically a newlywed and took this job for the $$. She left hubby AND yorkie at home! She is on a base and facebooks photos of herself running with the soldiers (she is a very healthy excerciser type person) and posts pics of care packages from her mom & stuff. She has never had any safety issues (that we are aware of) and seems to be enjoying her time there. She got a 2 week leave a couple of months ago & looked great. I think that turning down a steady gig like that for a loser BF (sorry, that's how I read this) is a very bad idea. I would jump at the chance to go overseas and work like that, especially for a limited time period. You can handle ANYTHING if you know when it is gonna end! Just sayin'...
__________________
Huey's mom, Marilyn
:When a day starts & ends with puppy kisses, I can handle anything that comes in between!
Marhcarter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:24 AM   #3
Donating Senior Yorkie Talker
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Delaware, OH
Posts: 205
Default

I am so sorry that you are going through this; it is tough being a parent!

All I can offer is that she is your daughter and you will love her no matter what happens. We may not always agree or approve of what our children do, but letting them know that we love them means a lot.

I have a daughter who is 30 and is with a person who hits her! He has no job, lives off her and has no intentions of changing. I have talked to her until I am blue in the face, and it does no good. She has a psychiatrist and a counselor and still it does no good. I don't hold back in telling her how I feel as I believe in being totally honest in our relationship. Yes, she does what she wants anyway, but at least she knows how I feel.

I'm sorry I am not much help, but your post touched my heart. I hope things get better and be sure to reach out to us if you need to talk.

Take care!

Katheleen
Annie09 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:26 AM   #4
♥ Piccolo & Vivi ♥
Donating Member
 
Lisa and Pic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 14,311
Default

I can see why you are irritated. Don't you wish our children had the innate ability to learn from our mistakes and our wisdom? I do think you are wise to give a little advice, and then step back and let her figure it out on her own, even if you don't think she is making the best decisions.

No suggestions, just hugs...
Lisa and Pic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:31 AM   #5
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mesquite, TX
Posts: 2,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marhcarter View Post
I have a neice who is a civilian employee at Bremerton AFB in Washington State (who also has a yorkie ) who is currently in Djibouti for a year. (good $$) She is practically a newlywed and took this job for the $$. She left hubby AND yorkie at home! She is on a base and facebooks photos of herself running with the soldiers (she is a very healthy excerciser type person) and posts pics of care packages from her mom & stuff. She has never had any safety issues (that we are aware of) and seems to be enjoying her time there. She got a 2 week leave a couple of months ago & looked great. I think that turning down a steady gig like that for a loser BF (sorry, that's how I read this) is a very bad idea. I would jump at the chance to go overseas and work like that, especially for a limited time period. You can handle ANYTHING if you know when it is gonna end! Just sayin'...
See, I agree.

I would jump at the chance to travel, especially if someone else was paying for it! I had the chance to go to Haiti, and knew going in that the area was rough, and honestly, they don't treat their women very nice, but we had no issues, and never felt unsafe. The medical personnel welcomed us, and even the male drs treated us well. I delivered my first actual baby over there, with the help of a dr who spoke no English, and I spoke no French, Spanish or patois (a Spanish creole dialect spoken by many Haitians). We managed. We had security measures in place and they worked.

I agree that he's a loser, but she can't see through the bs to see it. He's better than her ex husband and that's her comparison....
__________________
"You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.
McheleM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:35 AM   #6
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mesquite, TX
Posts: 2,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa and Pic View Post
I can see why you are irritated. Don't you wish our children had the innate ability to learn from our mistakes and our wisdom? I do think you are wise to give a little advice, and then step back and let her figure it out on her own, even if you don't think she is making the best decisions.

No suggestions, just hugs...
Yes! You would think she'd learned from her dad and me, as well as her precious marriage.
I just hate to see her limit herself and her career because of him. I would never hold my spouse back from career choices, even if I didn't like them (and there's been some I hated!!)

If they marry, she will end up leaving the military because he can't live in any other state without losing his insurance, and she can't guarantee being stationed in Arizona, not to mention, he won't want/let her take overseas orders, which she has to do in order to advance her pay grade. Whatever happened to the old "if you love someone set them free" saying?
__________________
"You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.
McheleM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:38 AM   #7
♡Huey's Human♡
Donating Member
 
Marhcarter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ringgold, Ga
Posts: 3,333
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa and Pic View Post
I can see why you are irritated. Don't you wish our children had the innate ability to learn from our mistakes and our wisdom? I do think you are wise to give a little advice, and then step back and let her figure it out on her own, even if you don't think she is making the best decisions.

No suggestions, just hugs...
See, this is why God saw fit to not give us any children...I don't think I could handle the stress and heartbreak involved...or the jail sentence after I killed them...
It is funny how after we are adults and have made mistakes that we see that our parents were right, no matter how we fought it at the time. (And I was one of those obnoxious people who would still fight it even after I knew I was in the wrong)
__________________
Huey's mom, Marilyn
:When a day starts & ends with puppy kisses, I can handle anything that comes in between!
Marhcarter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 02:43 AM   #8
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mesquite, TX
Posts: 2,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marhcarter View Post
See, this is why God saw fit to not give us any children...I don't think I could handle the stress and heartbreak involved...or the jail sentence after I killed them...
It is funny how after we are adults and have made mistakes that we see that our parents were right, no matter how we fought it at the time. (And I was one of those obnoxious people who would still fight it even after I knew I was in the wrong)
Lol me too. I still do!
__________________
"You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.
McheleM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 04:20 AM   #9
Cedric♥Lola♥Keylo
Donating Member
 
rubymoon2072's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Gilford, NH, USA
Posts: 9,209
Default

I am in the same boat to some extent with my daughter. her bf is only working two days a week. She is having a break down that shes attending college in another state and I know he has something to do with it. He also holds her back and I wish I had answers. The only thing I am thankful for is that she has to finish out this college year or shell throw 14 grand away so I am praying really really hard she sees the light.

I will pray your daughter decides to go you are very right it's a wonderful opportunity and she will learn and grow so much from experiencing another country. I am sending many prayers.
__________________
Cedric N Lola N Keylo
RIP Punkee Princess
rubymoon2072 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 04:27 AM   #10
Donating YT 2000 Club Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Mesquite, TX
Posts: 2,659
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rubymoon2072 View Post
I am in the same boat to some extent with my daughter. her bf is only working two days a week. She is having a break down that shes attending college in another state and I know he has something to do with it. He also holds her back and I wish I had answers. The only thing I am thankful for is that she has to finish out this college year or shell throw 14 grand away so I am praying really really hard she sees the light.

I will pray your daughter decides to go you are very right it's a wonderful opportunity and she will learn and grow so much from experiencing another country. I am sending many prayers.
I'm having to stay off Facebook lol because I'm biting my tongue. He commented about how Africa was such a horrible place and it would be stressful. I wanted to ask him "stressful for who, her or you?"

I'm like a momma bird, trying to push the baby bird out of the nest to spread her wings and fly and see the world. He's afraid if she flies away, she'll keep going and not come back to him. It's kind of why I'm pushing for Africa....I'm hoping she'd get away and see his true colors. He already "requested" she quit the job she had before because he didn't like it. She only had to work one day a week and was making excellent money, but he didn't like the bar she worked in, so he basically made her choose.
__________________
"You've never learned to live until you've done something for someone for which they can never repay you."~Ralph Hall.
McheleM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 04:44 AM   #11
YT 2000 Club Member
 
Deb1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,983
Blog Entries: 3
Default

It is so tough being a parent. Even when our children are adults we mother them in hopes of them doing what is best. I would speak to her and let her know your feelings, fears and hopes! It may do no good but it could also change her mind. Most kids look up to their parents and respect their opinion. It is her decision and if she chooses to not take this awesome opportunity then it is her loss.

The reason, I say this is because, I have a daughter in an abusive relationship! I have talked until I am blue in the face!!!! She continues to stay with him and has since, lost her home, her children and working at a minimum wage job all because, "she loves" him. She has a degree in teaching and has thrown it all away for this person! I still love my daughter, but I don't like what she had done and continues to do! There are consequences to all our actions....good or bad!

The moral is you will not be able to change her mind until she is ready, if ever. Voice your opinion and then, let it go.

God bless you and you are not alone!
__________________
Proud Mommy to Max, Teeka, Tatiana and forever in my heart Tameka!
My sunshine doesn't come from the skies, it comes from my puppies eyes!
Deb1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 04:45 AM   #12
Cedric♥Lola♥Keylo
Donating Member
 
rubymoon2072's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Gilford, NH, USA
Posts: 9,209
Default

Sounds like he is a really BIG jerk. Keep pushing...maybe even try to find articles and such that go against what he says. I'm not a big expert on Africa but I know a few people who have visited and loved it. I hope she flies away from him and never ever looks back.

Stay strong ...I know how hard it is to keep your mouth shut....
__________________
Cedric N Lola N Keylo
RIP Punkee Princess
rubymoon2072 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 04:53 AM   #13
♡Huey's Human♡
Donating Member
 
Marhcarter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Ringgold, Ga
Posts: 3,333
Default

I was gonna say show her my post about my niece and how well she is doing in Djibouti, Africa, but then I remembered I called him a loser. Maybe not as good of an idea as I first thought.
__________________
Huey's mom, Marilyn
:When a day starts & ends with puppy kisses, I can handle anything that comes in between!
Marhcarter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 05:17 AM   #14
YT 2000 Club Member
 
Deb1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,983
Blog Entries: 3
Default

Just for your information.....this guy she is involved with is a control freak which means, he will eventually become abusive....verbally, emotionally and physically. I know the type from experience. He already has her feeling sorry for him and his "illness" and reasons for not working. He is an alcoholic if he has 2 DWI's and lost his license. Creates reasons to not work and support himself. He is trying to control her going to Africa because he knows that she may find someone or something that makes her happy.

I will pray that she makes the right decision and goes to Africa!
__________________
Proud Mommy to Max, Teeka, Tatiana and forever in my heart Tameka!
My sunshine doesn't come from the skies, it comes from my puppies eyes!
Deb1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-2013, 05:44 AM   #15
Furbutts = LOVE
Donating Member
Moderator
 
Wylie's Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 35,889
Blog Entries: 2
Default

Oh boy, Michele, I really feel for you . I do NOT like the sound of this guy. He sounds extremely controlling and I don't like that one bit bc I feel that type of personality usually leads to wanting more and more control, and right into the realm of being abusive. He has so many red flags and I wish she could see it. What does she truly see in him, I wonder....ya know?

I also wonder what her friends think of him bc girlfriends can often say things that Mom's can't and/or the friend will be listened to more bc it's not their Mom. Do her friends like him?

Your daughter sounds so awesome - she sure deserves better than this and I hope she finds it one day.
__________________
~ A friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn. ~

°¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨° Ann | Pfeiffer | Marcel Verdel Purcell | Wylie | Artie °¨¨¨°ºOº°¨¨¨°
Wylie's Mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks



Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




Google
 

SHOP NOW: Amazon :: eBay :: Buy.com :: Newegg :: PetStore :: Petco :: PetSmart


All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:04 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2003 - 2018 YorkieTalk.com
Privacy Policy - Terms of Use

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633 634 635 636 637 638 639 640 641 642 643 644 645 646 647 648 649 650 651 652 653 654 655 656 657 658 659 660 661 662 663 664 665 666 667 668 669 670 671 672 673 674 675 676 677 678 679 680 681 682 683 684 685 686 687 688 689 690 691 692 693 694 695 696 697 698 699 700 701 702 703 704 705 706 707 708 709 710 711 712 713 714 715 716 717 718 719 720 721 722 723 724 725 726 727 728 729 730 731 732 733 734 735 736 737 738 739 740 741 742 743 744 745 746 747 748 749 750 751 752 753 754 755 756 757 758 759 760 761 762 763 764 765 766 767 768 769 770 771 772 773 774 775 776 777 778 779 780 781 782 783 784 785 786 787 788 789 790 791 792 793 794 795 796 797 798 799 800 801 802 803 804 805 806 807 808 809 810 811 812 813 814 815 816 817 818 819 820 821 822 823 824 825 826 827 828 829 830 831 832 833 834 835 836 837 838 839 840 841 842 843 844 845 846 847 848 849 850 851 852 853 854 855 856 857 858 859 860 861 862 863 864 865 866 867 868 869 870 871 872 873 874 875 876 877 878 879 880 881 882 883 884 885 886 887 888 889 890 891 892 893 894 895 896 897 898 899 900 901 902 903 904 905 906 907 908 909 910 911 912 913 914 915 916 917 918 919 920 921 922 923 924 925 926 927 928 929 930 931 932 933 934 935 936 937 938 939 940 941 942 943 944 945 946 947 948 949 950 951 952 953 954 955 956 957 958 959 960 961 962 963 964 965 966 967 968 969 970 971 972 973 974 975 976 977 978 979 980 981 982 983 984 985 986 987 988 989 990 991 992 993 994 995 996 997 998 999 1000 1001 1002 1003 1004 1005 1006 1007 1008 1009 1010 1011 1012 1013 1014 1015 1016 1017 1018 1019 1020 1021 1022 1023 1024 1025 1026 1027 1028 1029 1030 1031 1032 1033 1034 1035 1036 1037 1038 1039 1040 1041 1042 1043 1044 1045 1046 1047 1048 1049 1050 1051 1052 1053 1054 1055 1056 1057 1058 1059 1060 1061 1062 1063 1064 1065 1066 1067 1068 1069 1070 1071 1072 1073 1074 1075 1076 1077 1078 1079 1080 1081 1082 1083 1084 1085 1086 1087 1088 1089 1090 1091 1092 1093 1094 1095 1096 1097 1098 1099 1100 1101 1102 1103 1104 1105 1106 1107 1108 1109 1110 1111 1112 1113 1114 1115 1116 1117 1118 1119 1120 1121 1122 1123 1124 1125 1126 1127 1128 1129 1130 1131 1132 1133 1134 1135 1136 1137 1138 1139 1140 1141 1142 1143 1144 1145 1146 1147 1148 1149 1150 1151 1152 1153 1154 1155 1156 1157 1158 1159 1160 1161 1162 1163 1164 1165 1166 1167