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Old 09-17-2012, 07:37 PM   #1
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Omg How do i approach this lady?

I don't really know how to approach this. It is nothing serious but there is this lady in my building that everytime i run into she feels the need to tell me if ive gained weight. It never fails. I am not skinny but not big either, I am average i guess, But thats besides the point. I think its so rude of someone to do. She is however, older and is ( i don't want to be rude but overweight) so i dont understand why she does this. I dont care about other peoples weights and would not call someone fat that i am not even close to. However she always says 'oh look youre getting fat' or 'you've put on weight, you like to eat?' Like is she serious? Lol Ive never had someone say that to my face before. I've always just laughed it off and went about my way but now its seriously starting to piss me off. I dont want to be rude to an older person but how do i go about this? What would you do? My mom knows her and says i should say 'you too' lol but i dont know. I dont know if she does it because it makes her feel better to bring others down, to pick on younger people or what? I'm sick of it cause its seriously everytime! What should i say?
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Old 09-17-2012, 07:47 PM   #2
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Oh wow! More "seasoned" adults tend to say whatever they want. I am usually ok with it but right after I had my last son and couldnt get the weight off like I wanted because I also have a thyroid condition my mother in law picked the WRONG day to call me FAT.... SO I politely told her I had just had a baby and what was her excuse lol... Needless to say she has never commented on my weight again. But it could be that this lady likes to put others down to make herself feel better... You can either continue to smile and endure or "sweetly" tell her you've noticed the same thing about her!
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:10 PM   #3
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Thanks... Yea its insane, i was brought up with manners not to say those things, you never know their situation so i just find it shocking. If it were a person my age i would have said something a long time ago but being that she is closer to my mothers age i just dont know
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Old 09-17-2012, 08:33 PM   #4
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Trust me, I completely understand. I was brought up the same way and had it drummed into my head to respect my elders and I teach my children this same principle. But I have also found out along the way that there are times when you have to think outside the box so to speak. By that I mean that just because someone is older does not mean that they are wiser, smarter etc. Age also does not give you a license to belittle, put down, humiliate or be down right rude to someone just for the "heck of it" or to make yourself feel better about you. I did feel guilty after I responded to my MIL the way that I did so I told my husband and he said "Well she shouldn't have called you fat". I say if your mother says check her on it and they are of the same age then you need to say something. You don't have to be rude, their are always ways to say things without hurting people's feelings. But if you allow it to continue she will think it's "ok" and get worse and may catch you at the wrong time and you may unintinonally hurt her feelings badly.
Sorry your having to deal with this....
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Old 09-17-2012, 09:17 PM   #5
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Walk softly cary a big stick.

I too am often caught off guard and just so utterly studded I fail to react, passive agreasiveness is my personal down fall in others...never see it comming, I direct rude and expect the same.

Tell her, Damn! You look old, I'm on a diet trying to gain a bit,what's your plan?

That's just me though, it's always an old snotty lady I verbally return abuse to...I don't mean to but wow its alway thise sweet looking cookie jar grannies with forked tongues!
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Old 09-17-2012, 11:03 PM   #6
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I would tell her, "You know what....if I wasnt so fat and jolly, that would really hurt my feelings, especially since you are compelled to say that to me every time we meet....but I still get tired of having it pointed out, especially because it isnt true, sweetie!"
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Old 09-18-2012, 12:58 AM   #7
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There are some people in this world that are just "tacky." I used to teach with someone like that and finally I started finding the amusement in her comments, bless her heart.
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Old 09-18-2012, 04:19 AM   #8
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You should thank her for noticing and say that you're almost at your goal weight of 340 lbs If you continue to not say anything to this rude old broad, she will continue to say rude things. One day she's going to pick on the wrong person and get her ass beat She obviously delights in making others feel badly about themselves. Take the joy out of it for her
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Old 09-18-2012, 04:36 AM   #9
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I knew a woman who would always focus on my weight when we ran into each other. This woman was always struggling with weight loss. I have to say I never got angry about her comments. I actually felt sorry for her. I knew this was a topic that was painful for her so she was a bit preoccupied with others weight.

Maybe you could try commenting something along the lines of, "I didn't really notice until you pointed it out, but thank you for your concern." and try to have a smile when saying it.
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Old 09-18-2012, 04:44 AM   #10
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You should thank her for noticing and say that you're almost at your goal weight of 340 lbs If you continue to not say anything to this rude old broad, she will continue to say rude things. One day she's going to pick on the wrong person and get her ass beat She obviously delights in making others feel badly about themselves. Take the joy out of it for her
i agree kill her comments with kindness...and do not i repeat do not allow what this women says to bother you anymore. you cannot take it personally or let it hurt your feelings. she doesnt know you and has no right to make such statements....some people just have to clue the garbage that comes outta there mouths. i would go with goal weight of 500 lbs!
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Old 09-18-2012, 05:04 AM   #11
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I would just ask her if she is deliberately trying to hurt my feelings because ALL women know that this does, whatever their age, unless they have dementia or some such brain disease. Just look her in the eye and ask that and maintain that eye contact throughout your exchange. When she begins to defer and tries to deflect, tell her that she knows, just like you and all other women, pointing out perceived weight gain in another woman is hurtful and you want her to stop now.

I think it is always best to confront attempts at bullying in any form up front and be willing to challenge them on their territory. You do not have to be nasty or ugly about it, just open and honest that you aren't having it. If you don't, over time she may escalate her game and ruin your day time after time.
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Old 09-18-2012, 11:42 AM   #12
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does she say this in front of anyone else, like if you are with a friend.

I am not sure why you can not be honest and polite at the same time. write something down and have it ready the next time she passes the comment.

I would say something like. weight is always a stuggle, especially with us women so please don't take this personally but it makes me feel bad and unconfortable when you continue to bring up my weight when we cross paths. If that does not cure her, you could say later, I am confused because I was hoping that when I explained to you that weight talk makes me uncomfortable you would understandand and not continue to bring it up any longer, is there a reason that you feel you need to.
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Old 09-18-2012, 11:49 AM   #13
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I'm no help...because I would be rude back. Or I'd just look at her and say, "That's rude" and walk off.

On a side note, I had a neighbor that did this to me--her constant was stopping in the car if I was outside and yelling, "look at that big ole butt," and she really didn't take the hint that she was the only one that thought it was funny. Finally one day she caught me on a bad day and I snapped back, "Better to have a big butt than be the nosey neighborhood B**** that everyone hates." (Which was sadly true.) Years later, jokes on her--I dropped 100 lbs and SHE is the one that porked up. I ran into her not long ago and she was complaining about not having any clothes she could fit in anymore. I politely told her I had some old clothes that were just way too big for me now and she was welcome to have them if she wanted. :P

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Old 09-18-2012, 12:14 PM   #14
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Sounds like she has a lot of nerve... I would just tell her to mind her own!! You can always find out where she lives, take some dog poo, put it in a paper bag and light it on fire and place it oh so gentle on her front door step and ring her doorbell!

HAHA No j/k, I would just ignore her.
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Old 09-18-2012, 02:38 PM   #15
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I'm no help...because I would be rude back. Or I'd just look at her and say, "That's rude" and walk off.

On a side note, I had a neighbor that did this to me--her constant was stopping in the car if I was outside and yelling, "look at that big ole butt," and she really didn't take the hint that she was the only one that thought it was funny. Finally one day she caught me on a bad day and I snapped back, "Better to have a big butt than be the nosey neighborhood B**** that everyone hates." (Which was sadly true.) Years later, jokes on her--I dropped 100 lbs and SHE is the one that porked up. I ran into her not long ago and she was complaining about not having any clothes she could fit in anymore. I politely told her I had some old clothes that were just way too big for me now and she was welcome to have them if she wanted. :P
Quote:
Originally Posted by yorkietalkjilly View Post
I would just ask her if she is deliberately trying to hurt my feelings because ALL women know that this does, whatever their age, unless they have dementia or some such brain disease. Just look her in the eye and ask that and maintain that eye contact throughout your exchange. When she begins to defer and tries to deflect, tell her that she knows, just like you and all other women, pointing out perceived weight gain in another woman is hurtful and you want her to stop now.

I think it is always best to confront attempts at bullying in any form up front and be willing to challenge them on their territory. You do not have to be nasty or ugly about it, just open and honest that you aren't having it. If you don't, over time she may escalate her game and ruin your day time after time.
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