I figured it out

[Deadbug]

It's taken me more than 2 years and quite a few trials and tribulations, but I do believe I've finally discovered why men are fully equipped with the "Y" chromosome and we women were blessed with the "X".

My dh... an attractive man is his mid 40's; he's interesting, entertaining, affectionate and loving. He's a strong businessman with wit, unrivaled talent and endless creativity. There are so many things I simply adore about him and so many reasons he enhances and complements my life. He's like a diamond. What you see depends on what facet you're gazing through. I said compliments but I have to confess, he also complicates it occasionally. Don't they all?

He is, (deep breath) seemingly (another deep breath) going through what I'm guessing to be a mid life crisis of some sort. Normally, I'm supportive of his ideas and relatively understanding of his antics. Now I'm not saying I can relate... more often than not something he says or does leaves me scratching my head in wonder.

But I digress...

Yesterday was certainly no exception to the norm. In fact, it was relatively typical of what I've come to expect and/or accept. Dh is just that... Dh. He's a unique specimen all his own that no one can quite define. He has his interests. I have mine. In some ways our lives go in separate directions, but together, we occasionally make sense. I have to stress, occasionally.

I have a contract, that I confess, has consumed me and taken over my happy little world. He wanted to go camping this weekend. Camping? We don't own an RV or anything of the sort! He almost had me convinced to go. This just before he informed me of the wildlife here in Utah. You know, mountain lions, bears, wolves. Yep! That's enticing! Sign me up, bud! I'm just dying to spend my weekend fighting for my life. I think I'll pass, get these sketches done, work on this bid and try to make some progress with this contract. "You have fun with all that!" I said.

And that I did... I worked all weekend. Moving from one thing to another, I was in my element and on a roll. Dh decides to go play with the younger kids from the dropzone. Most of which are in their early to mid 20's. I don't question it. Whatever makes him happy.

Now 20 year olds notoriously spend most of their time trying to 1 up each other. A concept that I never pretended to understand, let alone can relate to. When he said that's where he was going, I should have known something dramatic was going to transpire. This is what I get for being absorbed in my work!

He comes home late last night and takes seat on the couch across from me. I could tell right off something wasn't right. Call it my "womanly instincts" if you will, but I detected something was just.... well... "off" with him.

Now I'm a mother of a 21 year old. As a result, time has equipped me with enough wisdom that allowed me to sharpen my premium interrogating skills. I can stealthily make an inquiry in a way that the victim can't detect what I'm getting at and therefore, offer up the intelligence that I'm seeking.

So I begin...
Seemingly engaged in my computer, from the outside appearances, one would guess I'm not paying too close attention. But I assure you, I was.

"So how was your day hun?" I politely asked. He looked down with a somewhat guarded look. Like a child that stole the last cookie and is trying to hide it. "Ok." he said solemnly. "Hmmm." I said. "What did you do today?" I asked inquisitively. He looks up at the ceiling rather quickly and then back down to the floor. With his hand over his mouth as if he were thinking of an answer, he replies with "Just hung out with family." My suspicion reached defcon 3. I knew something was up. My dh isn't known for short answers. I can't recall a time he's ever walked into this house and didn't have a whole lot to say. Often times, I'd have to pretend I was paying attention because he was so long winded.

I continue....

"How's the family doing today?" I ask, knowing his brother is in town from Indiana for the first time in a year.
"Fine." he says, pointedly.
"Oh! hmm... How's your brother doing?" I press.
"He's fine." He responds again.

We're at defcon 4 now. I pull out the big guns and try to get him onto something I know he'll rant about.

"Isn't his satanic wife supposed to be coming into town?"
"Yep." He responds shortly.

We're now at defcon 5. He's hiding something. I just know it. I can feel it, smell it and even taste it. Something transpired that for some reason he doesn't want to divulge. I sit straight up. No more pretending I'm not paying attention. My eyes are as round as saucers and my little spidey senses are tingling so hard I nearly vibrated off my chair.

With eyes fixated directly on him I ask, "When is she slated to arrive?"

He squirms frantically knowing that 110% of my attention is hovering above him. There's no way out. No place to hide. Finally, after a long pause, he looks at me and says "Thursday."

That's when I saw it! I wasn't 100% sure, but I was close. Probably 90% convinced that I actually saw what I thought I saw. Now to get him to confess. I needed that confession like a child needs chocolate. Not for any other reason than confirmation that my ultimate suspicions were, in fact, spot on.

I sit back down and go back to my seemingly "Not paying attention" routine. Eyes back on my computer screen, I mumble "So what did you REALLY do today, Chris?"

"What do you mean?" He's trying to brush the question off and get me to stop probing.

I continue staring at my screen as to not make him even more uncomfortable. "I mean, what dramatic thing happened today that I should know about?"

"I'm not sure what you're talking about." He says (The ultimate avoidance/denial approach)

Finally I'd had enough. I knew what I knew and I wasn't going to waste any more time. I needed the story...the finality of the situation....the climax if you will. There's no way I was going to get to the bottom of this at this pace. So I calmly responded with "Let me ask this question from a different angle. What happened to your teeth, Chris?"

The silence felt eternal, but at that point I realized that admitting to your wife that you've made some rather poor decisions can't be an easy undertaking. I backed off and gave him the room to muster up the courage. Eventually, he came clean with the tale of how, despite the fact that he didn't feel confident, he and several of his 20-something friends drove up to Echo Canyons and decided to jump off a 25ft cliff, into the water. he's not sure exactly what he hit, but he now understands he's lucky to be alive, albeit, without his front teeth. Now I know this can't be good for the ego, so I've opted not to remind him that this is going to cost upwards of $5K to fix. I figure I'll save that for the dentist to convey.

So to explain the thread title....

I figured it out. God created man, and then later created woman. Initially, the chromosomes weren't permanently labeled. Perhaps early scientists opted to wait, much i the way we wait until a puppy reveals it's personality before selecting a name. Women tend to cross out most events that appear dangerous, life threatening or just plain idiotic. When communicating with the men in their lives, the conversation more often than not starts with the word "Why", and is usually included in phrases such as:
"Why did you DO that?"
"Why did you SAY that?"
"Why did you think THAT was a good idea?"

And thus, the "Y" chromosome was named appropriately.

[kjc]

Oh my goodness! Poor DH must be in some kind of pain! Hope he's feeling better soon... As for your story, ROTFLMBO! Tears in my eyes... sorry gotta go potty...Hahahahaha!

[citygirl123]

Enjoyed your story and your writing skills.

[Lisa and Pic]

Love how you write and all I can say is... Oh my!

[Micah my love]

poor man

[Deadbug]

Oddly enough, the only thing really hurting is his ego. Fair enough, that's to be expected. I'm sure his teeth are sensitive, but getting him to admit it is another story. I keep getting this manly "Didn't hurt at all" response. I'm not buying it.

I'd taken the entire weekend, going out of my way to compliment him on other things and shine a light on his abilities to soothe his confidence and self esteem. I think it's helping him get through this. Admittedly, I don't know how I'd react to the same traumatic experience. I'd probably curl up in the fetal position and refuse to get out of bed. Though, I have enough common sense not to engage in the same voracious activities that could potentially cost me life and limb. You know... the X chromosome that tends to cross out dangerous activities.

At some point, he'll see the dentist today and we'll know the extent of damage and his options. Unfortunately, it's not going to be an instantaneous fix. I'm hoping the damage is minimal and we're just looking at implants.

I am slightly moved by the poignant fact that I've reached the age where nothing surprises me anymore. My reaction to the whole event was more of a calm "Oh! Ok." 10 years ago I wouldn't have taken it in stride like I do now. Instead, I could easily picture me making a big deal out of the expense of it all, thus, making him feel even worse. With age comes wisdom, I suppose.

I'm rather convinced that middle age evokes some sort of regression in men. Their inner man pressures them to prove themselves in deeds and tasks their bodies just aren't capable of handling anymore. It's a sense of denial that leaves the rest of us scratching our heads, biting our lip, and hoping for the best possible outcome. We can't stop them from doing something they really want to do. With my dh, it was sudden. Almost as though someone had left a wild animal out of it's cage and it's now on a uncontrollable rampage. I fully understand the mental crisis. I, myself, have gone through one as well. But instead of jumping off of cliffs and engaging in activities that could potentially cost me my life, I bought a Porsche, a new wardrobe and a package deal with a plastic surgeon to rebuild what life tore down.

I'm still shaking my head.

[Harrysmum]

I know EXACTLY where you're coming from....

When Andy gets like that - he either throws himself out of a plane, or bounces around a bit at the end of a long rubber band thing....silly boys! Sally x

[EarthAngel]

I so enjoy the way you tell a story! I hope all goes well with the dentist. I like your approach...go out and get a Porsche! lol!

[horsnaround]

Wow poor dh. Hope they can fix the teeth and all will be well. I love the way you tell your stories. You have a knack for it. And look forward to the next one. I to can relate

[LDandPasquale]

First off let me say you're writing abilities are OUTSTANDING! You should write a book!! As I was reading your story, I felt the need to want to skip to the end just to see what he was hiding!! BUT....your writing was so good , I didnt want to miss a word!! Honestly, when I found out it was just his teeth, I was relieved....I thought he had been cheating!! Phew!! (Yes, my mind goes straight to the worse case scenario!!) Teeth can be fixed, hopefully his ego can too. Thankfully he's safe and alive!!

I look forward to reading more "husband antics" from you

[gemy]

Great Story and you tell/write it well:-)

Personally I have a rather muted "X" gene. I've been known to engage in some rather dangerous activities as a girl and young woman. Now of course my X is no longer muted and is full force.

I hope hubby doesn't need implants - think roughly $3K per implant ......

Have a fun day.

[Lil Sis]

oh my... as a mother of twentysomething girls and a teacher of middle school ..oh.. and a dh that drives me nuts sometimes.. I totally enjoyed your story!!


I just hope your dh is ok.. that could have been very scary!! Why did he find the need to act like a 20 year old???

[celstu1]

hahaha oohhh poor dh!

I do love how you tell stories too! you should have a blog or something! I look forward to reading your posts! Esp ones like this that I can relate too. Luckily for me, my husband is very content with both feet on the ground! LOL

[TatumsMom]

Oh yeah... you could definitely have a great blog! Love reading your stories. As for your DH, just gotta shake my head. They (most of them) will always be little boys. Hope the dentist goes well.

[MidnightUnicorn]

Originally Posted by Deadbug

And thus, the "Y" chromosome was named appropriately.

LOL. Agree.