Need advise on child attending a wake.

[sneri13]

Monday morning I found out that a very close friend of my family lost their 6 year old son Christopher on Sunday night. He had been very ill since birth but still came as a shock. My question is that my 9 year old daughter wants to go to the wake with me today. His sister Christina is my daughters best friend. We went over their house yesterday to pay our condolences and when we were going home my daughter said she wanted to go. When I asked her why she said she wanted to be there for Christina and her family. We talked about what a wake is and she understood and actually told me. In my heart I really don't want her to go especially to the wake of a child. I don't know what the long term effect on her will be. On the other hand her reason to go was so loving and compasionate I don't want to take that away from her. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

[Bonnie's Mom]

It sounds to me like your daughter is a very mature 9 yr old! I think that she should go, because if she doesn't she may feel that she let her friend down, and I'm sure her friend would want her there. Especially since you have talked with her and she knows what to expect, I would let her go.

[ytsirk27]

I personally would not let her go....I did not let my 7 year old and 2 year old go to either burials i had to attend. Just because she seems ok..it might be different when she actually sees the child. My husband attended a funeral when he was 8 and after that he would lay on the coffee table saying this is how you look when your dead...His mother regretted taking him. I would really think about it!!!!

[Lexi Rae]

since i dont have any human kids, i wouldnt be able to give you advise on this, but i do want to say im sorry for the loss of your friends son. i wil keep the whole family in my prayers...im sure you will make the right decision..

[chloeandj]

I went to a wake with a friend when I was 13, it was a wake of a teenager. I had nightmares for days and days after. Also seeing the family so distraught, upset me so much. I wouldn't let my daughter go, it is a difficult decision.

[YorkieRose]

Boy, that is tough!
I think alot depends on your beliefs and what you have taught your daughter. IMO
I, as an adult have been to funerals of people who openly do not believe in God or an after life. One was a young man who died from Muscular Dystrophy at 18. He told me many times there was no God and He would hate HIm if He did exist.
I have a very difficult time at these funerals..it effects me for days after.
BUT...when I go to the funeral of a young child or a "believer"..I can handle. it. Especially, In the case of a person who is freed from a world of terrible physical pain or old age. I am saddened at the loss of my friend or relative, but at the same time, I have such peace and joy. It is the beginning of their life, not the end.

Death is a common thing in our house...when you breed dogs, you see it alot..puppies die, old dogs die..my children learned dying is a part of living and they accepted the fact our dogs went to Heaven and we would see them again someday..same with people. IMO !!

I have no problem with taking a child of nine to a funeral..you might want to ask your MD.
Best wishes

[SilverStarShado]

The death of a child is always hard to handle now matter what age you are. I feel that this would be to much on her to handle. She might say that she understands what a wake is all about but actually seeing it is much different. I think that I would explain to her your feelings on this and not let her go. Explain to her that after its over her friend will still need lots of support. Thats my advice.

[Ponyup]

I don't have kids, but I remember that when I was 8 my great grandpa died, I wasn't close to him, but we visited him every christmas in the nursing home. I was taken to the viewing. I remember being at the veiwing and being fine it was all kinda over my head. I just stayed close to my mom and talked to the people that talked to me, but then my grandpa took me to see the body I couldn't handle that. I still too this day have a hard time going to viewing and actually going to see the body. If you think that emotionally this will be too much for her then I say trust your gut and don't let her go, but I think you should get with her and try to come up with an alternate way for her to support her friend so she doesn't feel like she let her down.

[StewiesMom]

My advice is to let her go to the wake. I attended wakes as a child and it helped me with closure and understanding that everyone is going to die one day. She sounds like a great little girl.

[Kelz]

I had 4 Friends pass away between my sr. year in highschool and my freshmen year of college... and i still can't get the pictures out of my head..sometimes i really wish i had not gone to the wake..I guess it was just too much for me...I don't cope with death really well..But if your daughter understands it ..Then i would let her go..I think it should be her choice whether or not she wants to go

[sneri13]

Thank you all for your advise. This is such a difficult decision. I know it's even going to be rough for me going. My daughter is such a loving caring little girl. I know she wants to do this for her friend. Even though we all knew that little Christopher was living on borrowed time it still came as such a shock. I take comfort knowing that he is healthy and happy now and no longer trapped in a body that didn't want to work. He can finally play like a little boy should. I know that he will play and love all the little furbaby angels.

[Bonnie's Mom]

sneri13...I just PM'ed you.

[i_love_my_yorki]

I think it would depend on what she knows about dying..
I went to my Dads Funeral & i still see him in his coffin like it was yesterday..
now when i think about it all....i now wish i couldve just remembered him the way he was when he was alive,& not have saw him in a death state..
In my faith i have been taught its just an empty shell-----he is no longer there,his spirit has left & hes gone on up to Heaven..

My 6yr old Daugter talks about Dying & going to Heaven to be an Angel,in her mind she thinks she is automatically an Angel...

I have never been a strong person when it comes to dying & death,but i remind myself its all part of life...

whatever you do decide...Good luck..

[Sherry Lynn]

Will there be a repass or a gathering at the home afterwards that you could take her to? That way she wouldn't have the trauma of the viewing, but would still be able to feel that she was there for her friend.

I'm sure her friend's mother would be understanding and might even welcome the comfort and distraction that your daughter could provide for hers.

My heart and prayers go out to that family.

[Lexi's_Mommy]

I have 2 daughters 6 and 11. My 11 year old daughter went to an infants wake when she was 9 and a friend of her's died in a car accident and she went to that wake when she was 10. She is very mature and wanted to go. She also said it was for support, and I'm sure it was, but it was also the curiousity. I personaly talk to my girls about death and other issues. I am in poor health and if something ever happens to me I want them to truely understand, and I don't want my wake to be there first. If she feels she needs to go then I would say let her, it may help her understand the pain her friend is going thru and of course it will upset her, make her cry, maybe even ask lots of ?'s, and maybe even a few restless nights, but if it didn't affect her then you would have something to worry about. It is natural not to like funerals and death but at some point they have to deal with it so why not now while you are there with her to hold and comfort her. Her friend at some point is also going to tell her things about the wake and the images she tries to picture may be more scarey than seeing it for herself.

What ever you decide she will be fine...